


Sharp Edges

by StalkerDex



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Cheating, Drama & Romance, Falling In Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Romance, Slow Romance, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 45,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29583591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StalkerDex/pseuds/StalkerDex
Summary: Stan's wife, formerly Nichole Daniels, commits suicide as a result of crippling postpartum depression.  Stan suddenly finds himself alone to raise their six-year-old daughter and infant son.  Eric Cartman works as a nurse in the ER and is there when Nichole is brought in, bringing him into the situation.  He quickly realizes it could be a good opportunity for him to move away from his mom's house and have somewhere to live where he doesn't have to be alone.  He offers to help Stan with the kids, initially moving in for his own selfish purposes.  However, as time wears on and Stan begins to heal, something starts to shift between them both.  This is a love story grown out of a tragedy.This story contains suicide, adult language and sexual content.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Eric Cartman/Craig Tucker, Eric Cartman/Stan Marsh
Comments: 15
Kudos: 35





	1. I'll Take You Home

Eric was nearing the end of his shift, utterly exhausted. It had been a nearly 13 hour day with an unusual amount of emergencies to handle. He sat down at one of the computers and listened to the machines around him. Most of their rooms were occupied with patients they’d either stabilized or hadn’t belonged there in the first place. He glanced at his watch; only five more minutes to go. He stretched his arms up above his head, noticing Bebe walking up to him.

“What are you doing sitting on your ass?” she teased as she walked up and leaned against the counter.

“My ass is going home in five minutes, that’s what. What a crazy day…” he whined, leaning back further into his chair.

“I know…I’m exhausted,” she acknowledged as she ruffled through some paperwork.

They had both started working in the ER as nurses within a year of each other, although Bebe aspired to get the position of lead nurse. He figured she would get the job soon enough; he didn’t really have any desire to move up in the ranks. His job paid well enough already and it came with a heavy load of responsibility as it was. Plus, it drained him. He was always exhausted and he had to push a lot of shit away emotionally. There wasn’t necessarily as much death as you’d see on a TV show, but it had its tougher moments. In a way, he’d been really cut out for it. He’d always been fairly good at compartmentalizing and keeping his emotions at bay. Not a whole hell of a lot bothered him, really. He’d obviously grown and changed a lot since he was a child; he was turning thirty soon, after all, but at his core he was still very much the person he’d always been. Ambitious when it came to money, hesitant about vulnerability and connection, and cold when it came to handling difficult or emotional situations. It had to be a pretty special person to break that ice.

“What are you doing with your day off tomorrow?” Bebe asked as she scribbled furiously at her paperwork.

“Oh…you know…probably just taking care of my mom. I’ve got to get out of that house…” he complained.

“Why don’t you?”

Good question. He had the means; it definitely wasn’t a financial issue. When it boiled down to it, the thing was he really didn’t want to be alone. The thought of coming home to an empty apartment was somehow more irksome to him than the prospect of taking care of his practically infantile mother. He was getting pretty tired of it, though…

Suddenly, the doors burst open to the patient area of the ER as doctors met a crew of EMTs wheeling in a patient. Eric stood and watched curiously, assessing whether or not he should get involved so close to the end of his shift.

“We have a female, attempted suicide. Carbon monoxide poisoning…she’s still got a pulse, but we were unable to wake her…” the EMT explained as the doctors started to take over.

Hmmm. That might be worth taking a look at.

Eric and Bebe both strode over to the patient. Bebe gasped; Eric remained stoic. It was Nichole Marsh, formerly Daniels; Stan’s wife.

“Is her husband here?” Eric asked as they followed the doctors into a patient room, quickly moving to get her on oxygen.

“Yes, he’s out in the waiting room with their kids,” the EMT responded before waving them off and heading out.

“She’s not breathing,” the doctor said abruptly.

Eric and Bebe stood back, realizing there wasn’t much to be done. Carbon monoxide poisoning, when severe, was fairly hopeless. Eric felt numb as he watched them attempt to revive her, only to result in what he’d known it would. The doctor announced her time of death to everyone in the room. A depressing silence settled over them before Bebe spoke up.

“She went to school with us…her husband is one of Eric’s best friends…”

The doctor looked up at Eric, “do you want to come with me to tell the husband, then?”

Eric nodded; he probably should. The doctor nodded back at him and they headed out into the waiting room. Stan was there, pacing back and forth. His eight-month-old son was in his arms and his six-year-old daughter was sitting in a chair nearby; she looked terribly anxious. Stan stopped in his tracks when he laid eyes on Eric and the doctor. He blinked as they approached.

“Stan…why don’t you let me take the kids for you…” Eric said flatly as he reached out and gently took his son, Sean. He then strode over to his daughter, Imani, “do you want to come to the snack machine with me? I’ll buy you something to eat.”

She smiled at him in that innocent way children do. She was familiar enough with him, although he and Stan didn’t hang out as much as they used to. Life had gotten pretty busy for them both. They’d kept in enough touch, however, that his daughter was comfortable around him. For the moment, that was a small thing to be grateful for. She hopped out of her chair and grabbed his hand, allowing him to lead her over to the snack machine. Once they were out of earshot the doctor started to break the news to Stan.

Eric watched quietly as Imani perused the snacks and Stan took in the news across the room. He didn’t fall into pieces or anything like that. He was obviously hurting, though. Once the news had been given, the doctor took off, having a million other things he had to do. 

“I want those chips…” Imani said happily as she tugged on Eric’s scrubs.

“Okay,” he said as he fed a couple of dollars into the machine and pressed the appropriate buttons. The chips dropped down and she fished them out.

Eric took her hand once more and led her back over to Stan, who was now sitting down and staring ahead of him in apparent shock. Imani promptly let go of Eric’s hand and crawled into her father’s lap, handing him the bag of chips to open. He obliged, rubbing the back of her head as she started to ask questions.

“Can we take mommy home now, daddy?”

Stan looked at her for a moment, looking like he wasn’t sure what to say. Eric decided to help him out. He was good at handling these kinds of things; detached, removed.

“I think for tonight you are probably going to go home without her.”

Stan looked at him gratefully before addressing Eric.

“We rode over here in the ambulance…I don’t have a way home…”

“It’s cool, dude. My shift is over, I’ll take you. Just give me a minute…I have to go get changed. They’ll have some paperwork for you…I’ll go make sure they do that now.”

Stan nodded, still seeming a little dazed. Eric quickly stood, leaving the ugly situation behind him as he made his way back into the ER. On route, he made sure to get the paperwork moving along so that Stan wasn’t sitting out there all night; more or less that would mean he had to sit there all night, too, and he didn’t want to do that by any means. After that was handled, he made his way into the locker room and changed into a long sleeved shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes. He slid into his jacket and then caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, checking to see if he looked okay. He was still pretty pudgy, which he wasn’t especially thrilled about, but he looked fine enough. He had a handsome, friendly face; his weight never seemed to stand in his way when it came to dating, although he admittedly didn’t do much of that. He just didn’t have the time or the drive to get involved in all of that nonsense. Fucking? Sure, yeah, once in a while; but dating? Hell no.

Once he’d assessed himself he made his way back out into the ER, running into Bebe.

“How’s Stan?” she asked, a concerned look on her face. She’d gotten changed and was ready to head home, too.

Eric shrugged, “I don’t know. Probably pretty shitty, I’d guess.”

Bebe sighed, “Jesus. I can’t imagine. Why do you think she did it?”

Eric vaguely remembered Kyle mentioning something about her having post partum depression a few months back. He hadn’t thought much of it then. Lots of mothers went through it. Sometimes, though, there were people who didn’t make it. For whatever reason, Nichole hadn’t been able to hang on. He decided not to say anything about it.

“I don’t know. I’ll see you around, Bebe. I’ve gotta get going,” he said, wanting out of the conversation. She glanced at him knowingly.

“Okay. Take care, Cartman.”

“You, too,” he said absent-mindedly as he exited the patient area and found his way back to Stan. He was holding a clipboard and filling out the necessary paperwork. What a bullshit thing to do to a grieving spouse.

Eric walked up beside him, his hands settled into the pockets of his jacket. He glanced at the paperwork to see how much he had left. There was still some to go, so he sat down in the vacant seat beside him. Stan had Sean in his lap and he was pretty squirmy.

“Cartman…can you take him, please?” Stan whined, obviously frustrated.

“Yep,” he said as he promptly snatched him up and placed him into his own lap, the tiny baby’s big brown eyes staring up at him. He smirked at him; even Eric had to admit, he was a pretty cute baby. He turned the boy around and started bouncing him on his knee, looking around the waiting room. There were a few people who looked miserable and sick, but it seemed like the ER had slowed down over all.

As he sat there, bouncing the baby and people watching, his mind wandered to Stan’s predicament. What was he going to do? He was obviously going to need some help with these kids. Stan and Nichole had gotten married when they were nineteen or so, meaning Stan hadn’t ever been alone for his entire adult life. Eric wondered what that must’ve been like. He’d never chosen to share his life with anyone like that. Being alone was just about the most natural way he could imagine things; at times it felt like the only way he’d ever exist. Though a treasured luxury to himself, he imagined it felt very different to Stan. Maybe he would like a roommate? Eric had been dying to move away from his mom. Maybe he could shack up with Stan and help him out for a while. The kids couldn’t possibly be _that_ much work, right? The idea of a nice, warm house apart from his mother’s incessant neediness felt pretty appealing. He had to try and work this; it would be really good for him. It could be good for Stan, too, of course; but that wasn’t really what he was concerned about.

“Where do I take this?” Stan asked, drawing Eric out of his schemes.

“I’ll take it,” he said as he shifted the baby into one of his arms, grabbing the clipboard with the other. He walked it up to the front desk and instructed them to make sure it was handled right. Once that was over, he walked back to Stan and his daughter.

“Oh, shit…you don’t have a car seat, do you?” Stan realized as he took his son back from his old friend.

“Oooh…uh. No,” he said as he ran some options through his head, “hold on…let me text Bebe. She might still be here…she’s got kids.”

Eric shot her a quick text, hoping she hadn’t left work. Thankfully, she responded quickly. 

“She’s got one. She’ll bring it to us,” Eric reported.

An awkward silence hung in the air between them as they waited for the car seat, but soon enough Bebe came in with it. Technically they needed two, but at least they could secure the baby. Eric would just make sure he drove extra carefully since Imani would be without one.

“These are a bitch to get installed…do you need help?” Bebe asked as she approached Cartman.

“It’s okay…I can do it,” Stan said as he took it from her, “thank you, Bebe.”

She offered him a sympathetic smile, “sure. Just get it back to me when you can, we have an extra one at home anyway.”

At that, the five of them left the building and headed to their respective cars. Eric took Sean once more as Stan installed the car seat; it was almost comically difficult, and Eric found himself mildly amused as Stan struggled with it. Much the opposite of himself, Stan was classically attractive and very small. He had a head full of thick, black hair, blue eyes, and an especially thin frame. He always wore casual clothing, but it looked great on him. It was entirely effortless for him to be attractive, which Eric was admittedly jealous of. Eric had one of those friendly, cute faces; the kind that got attention when you got to know him, but not really otherwise. Stan was…well…Stan was everyone’s first choice, to say the least.

“Thanks for the help, Fat Ass…” Stan mumbled sarcastically as he panted, having successfully wrangled the defiant car seat into submission.

“You’re welcome, hippie,” Eric retorted, pretending to be entirely ignorant of Stan’s frustration.

Stan rolled his eyes before taking Sean and getting him securely into the car seat; he immediately started to fuss to the full extent of his power. Eric’s eyes widened with what could only be described as terror at the sound of that tiny creature’s screams. Wow. That was a hell of a lot of noise coming from such a tiny body.

“He hates the car seat…” Stan explained as he finished securing him, “come on, princess. Let’s get buckled,” he instructed as he walked his daughter around to the other side of the car. He got her settled into her seat and buckled her, feeling a little nervous about driving her like this. It would be fine, though. How much tragedy could hit one family in one day, right?

Eric slid into the driver’s seat and got buckled, doing his best to ignore the screaming baby in the back. It seemed that was the way the drive was going to go; not much to be done about it. He started the car and waited for Stan to get settled into his seat before backing out and heading towards Stan’s house. They’d purchased a nice two story with a decent chunk of property on the outskirts of town; Eric remembered going to the house warming party all of those years ago. He was fairly loaded since his father had passed Tegridy Farms down to him; it remained one of the most successful businesses in South Park, and it turned out Stan had a knack for managing the whole thing. He was charismatic, which Eric could also be, but he was more genuine about it. With Eric, people always eventually realized he had ulterior motives. When it came to Stan, he actually cared about people. He was able to successfully balance his own interests with the needs and wants of others. It had always kind of impressed Eric, though he would never say as much out loud.

After a long, scream-filled drive, Eric pulled into the driveway of Stan’s home and parked the car.

“Thanks, Cartman,” Stan said, a sad tone to his voice.

Eric looked toward him, realizing the weight of the whole situation must’ve been fairly heavy. 

“Do you want me to come in? I can help you get the kids to sleep…” he offered.

Stan smiled softly, looking down into his lap, “yeah…alright. Thanks.”

Eric shut off the car and got out. Stan went around and collected Sean while Eric walked over and helped Imani unbuckle. She threw her tiny little arms around his neck, so he picked her up and carried her, following Stan into the house. Thankfully, the baby settled right down when he was taken out of the car seat. Sheesh. Kids could be so damn intense. How did people deal with all that need?

Stan immediately tossed his keys onto a side table when he entered the house. Though the house was nice, it was very cluttered by the children. There were toys and clothes everywhere; it kind of gave Eric a little anxiety.

“Sean takes a while to settle down…usually Nichole would nurse him to sleep. This might be a long thing…can you put Imani down for me?”

“Do you have bottles?” Eric asked, realizing he might be horribly underprepared for this family disaster.

“She bought some last week…” his voice trailed off as the implication of that statement settled over them both. She’d planned to do it.

“Okay…go ahead,” Eric urged, wanting to snap Stan out of that ugly thought.

Stan nodded and disappeared into the kitchen to make a bottle. Eric set Imani down, “where’s your room?”

“Come on!” she said cheerfully as she grabbed Eric’s hand, leading him up the stairs, “first you have to brush my teeth!” she insisted as they entered the hallway bathroom.

It was a goddamn disaster in there. Toys everywhere, towels, clothes, toothpaste. Holy hell. He watched as she gathered her toothbrush and squeezed entirely too much toothpaste on it. She brushed her teeth very poorly before Eric finally took it from her and did it properly. She spit it out into the sink and beamed at him, “okay…now you get to read me a story.”

She took his hand again and led him into her room, which was what he could only describe as a pink nightmare. She leapt into her closet and practically disappeared into a pile of stuffed animals as she searched for a book. She chose one and then ran right up to her bed. Eric sat beside her and read the book, kind of zoning out as he did so; kids books were so goddamn boring. He did it though, and when he’d finished he started to stand up. Imani tugged on his sleeve, indicating her desire for him to stay a little longer. He settled back in and looked down at her.

“What’s up, Imani?” he asked, hoping she wasn’t going to ask more about her mom. He wasn’t going to be the one to break it to her if he could help it.

“I like your face,” she said confidently.

“What?” he asked, smirking at her. What a strange thing to say.

“You have a nice person face,” she insisted as she reached out and clapped both of her hands to his cheeks. He couldn’t help but let out a laugh as she released him and smiled at him.

“Thanks. You have a nice person face, too,” he offered.

“I know. That’s because I’m so nice,” she asserted. Eric let out another laugh. What a trip she was.

“Okay…well…do you need anything else?” he asked, ready to move on with his evening.

“No. Good night. See you!” she said as she rolled over and settled into her pillow.

“Good night,” he said as he stood from the bed and shut off the light, cracking her door and leaving her to sleep.

As he entered the hallway he could hear the baby screaming from the next room over. He walked over and peered in, unsurprised to see Stan pleading with the baby to take the bottle. This little dude was going to be difficult; he already seemed fussy. Not having his mother was going to be traumatic for him, that was certain. Eric walked up beside Stan, who seemed a little frantic. He looked up at Eric and started to ramble.

“He won’t take this bottle…I don’t know how to get him to do it. He’s never had one before…Christ…”

Eric lifted Sean out of Stan’s arms. He knew how to handle babies; they got them in the ER every so often, especially when they were colicky. 

“Give me the bottle,” he instructed as he took it from Stan.

Stan watched on helplessly as Eric attempted to get the baby to take the bottle. He definitely didn’t want it, but after some time he did finally accept. Stan observed quietly as Eric held onto him and let him drink it up.

“Jesus…how are you so good at this stuff?” Stan asked.

Eric shrugged, “I deal with fussy babies at work. It’s the pissed off adults that are really a pain in the ass. Kids aren’t so bad.”

Eric heard a sniffle escape Stan; he looked at him, realizing he was starting to cry. It was hitting him now.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do this,” he said, wiping at his eyes. He wasn’t hysterical, “she handled almost all of the kid stuff. I work. I have no goddamn idea what I’m doing here.”

Eric watched quietly, letting Stan air his thoughts.

“Maybe I didn’t help her enough…I knew she was depressed. We got her in with a counselor. She didn’t want antidepressants…she was all worried about what it might do to Sean if she nursed him with that stuff in her system. I thought it would be okay. I tried to step up and do more, you know? She was just so…I…” he paused, wiping his eyes again, “…I feel like I should’ve seen this coming. I should’ve done more for her.”

“It’s not your fault, Stan. These things happen. Depression gets people. It’s got nothing to do with you. It was her choice,” Eric responded. He wanted to console Stan; he did actually feel sorry for him. It was uncomfortable for him to enter this territory, though. He started to feel removed, prepared to go through the motions and give his friend platitudes.

Stan nodded, sniffling some more, “maybe. Now I’ve got these kids…fuck. I don’t know what to do.”

Eric could tell this was an opportune moment to try and work the situation.

“Maybe I could help you?”

Stan looked at him quizzically, “what do you mean?”

Eric continued to rock back and forth with the baby as he laid out his case, “look…you’re going to need help here with these kids, right? I can do that. Kids are no problem to me. I’ve been wanting to get away from my mom’s house for a while anyway. I mean, I have to work and everything, but I usually only work three days a week. I can try and work my schedule around you for the most part. I could pay you some rent and help with the kids.”

Stan eyed him suspiciously. This sounded entirely too nice a thing for Eric Cartman to be doing. Eric could tell what he was thinking so he went on.

“Listen, hippie, it’s not all for you, okay? I don’t want to live with my mom anymore. This could be good for me.”

Stan raised his eyebrows, “why not just get your own place then? You make plenty of money, don’t you?”

“Because, I don’t want my own place.”

“Why not?” Stan prodded, still uncertain about the whole idea.

Eric sighed, “I just don’t, okay? Christ. Do you want help or not?”

Stan eyed him for a moment before kind of shaking his head in resignation, “okay…yeah. Why not?”

Eric nodded, looking back down at the baby.

“One thing, though, Cartman…” Stan said, a warning tone to his voice, “…you’d better not be up to anything else. My kids are about to go through enough. Don’t fuck with us, you got it? Do _not_ fuck with us.”

Eric looked back at him, a small pit in his stomach. He didn’t plan to do anything that might hurt them. He just wanted a place to live where he had some company, but he wasn’t about to share that last detail with Stan. 

“I’m not trying to fuck with you, Stan,” he said in a rare moment of sincerity.

Stan eyed him for another minute, a softness settling over him.

“Okay.”

They stared at each other for another minute before Eric looked back down at the baby. 

“Okay. Well…I’m going home tonight. I’m off work tomorrow…I’ll bring my stuff over.”

Stan nodded, watching as Eric slowly made his way to the crib and carefully placed Sean inside. He’d managed to get him in without waking, so the two of them tiptoed out and made their way into the living room. As Eric prepared to leave, Stan stood by nervously. He’d appreciated everything Eric had done for him; it was a hell of a bad night, and somehow, of all the people in the world, Eric Cartman had managed to be the person who’d made it somewhat bearable.

“Thank you,” he suddenly said, catching Eric’s attention.

He looked at him, feeling a hint of sympathy creeping up on him.

“It’s nothing,” he responded before opening the door, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” Stan said quietly as he watched Eric leave, shutting the front door behind him.

For the first time in nearly ten years, Stan found himself alone in his house. He felt like he wanted to die.


	2. A Scary Place, Indeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan leans on his friends for help. Kyle and Cartman try to figure each other out.

“Kyle…I need you to come over. Nichole died last night and I have to tell the kids today…I can’t do this shit by myself…” Stan explained.

He’d been awake most of the night. He’d tried to sleep, of course, but found himself clutching to her pillow and sobbing. It still smelled like her; he wanted to hang on to that as long as he could. He knew that eventually it would fade and be gone, just like she had.

“What? What happened?” Kyle asked, shocked.

Stan glanced at the stairs and moved further away from them, worried Imani might wake and overhear him. He lowered his voice as he spoke.

“She killed herself, Kyle. She locked the kids in the house while I was at work. I came home and when I opened the garage I found her…she sat out there with the car running…it was…Christ…it was awful. I’ve never seen anything like it. She was still alive when the ambulance came to get her, but she died really fast after we got her to the hospital.”

“Jesus, Stan. I’m so sorry. I’ll be right over.”

Stan swallowed, “thank you.”

He hung up his phone and walked back near the stairs, peering up. No sign of Imani yet. It had been a pretty late evening. She was probably exhausted. Stan decided to try and calm himself down; he was horribly nervous to break the news to his daughter. What even happened to a kid who lost a parent like that? Maybe he should set up some counseling for them both. He walked as quietly as he could into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee and get on his laptop. He started searching for counselors in the area, deciding he’d better get something set up. It felt sort of good to at least accomplish something in the wake of this mess. Plus, if he was occupied he wasn’t thinking so much about the absence of his wife, which felt very jarring. It was particularly strange on a Saturday morning such as this, when they would normally spend their mornings together and their day as a family.

It didn’t take Stan especially long to locate a counselor that looked sufficient, so he sent off a quick email asking about insurance and appointments. He would wait to hear back from them. As he finished up that task he sipped his coffee and tried to think about anything other than Nichole. It was impossible, unfortunately, and his mind fixated on thoughts of her. He couldn’t help it. He started to cry again. He just wanted to talk to her. He wished he could’ve asked her why she’d gotten to the point she had. Why had she gotten so hopeless that it felt better to leave him behind? Their children behind? As he thought about it he couldn’t help but feel angry with her. It had been so horrifically selfish, this thing she had done. Would Imani ever be okay after a loss like this? Would _he_ ever be okay after a loss like this? He felt like he wanted to scream; he dropped his head into his hands and continued to sob, instead.

Eventually, he did manage to calm himself down. He heard some happy coos coming from the baby monitor on the counter beside him; Sean was awake. He went upstairs and quietly retrieved him. He whispered niceties toward him as he made his way back to the kitchen and started to prepare a bottle, also grabbing one of those revolting containers of baby food. He stuck mostly with the fruit ones because the other stuff was just outright gross. If he couldn’t choke it down, how could he expect his son to? As the bottle sat in the bottle warmer, he plopped Sean into his high chair and started to feed him the fruit mush. Thankfully, the baby was happier this morning than he’d been the night before.

Soon there was a knock at the door, which Stan promptly went to answer. It was Kyle. Thank Christ. He immediately felt better having his best friend there to help him.

“Hey, dude…” Kyle said as he quickly pulled Stan in for a hug. He didn’t really know what else to do.

“Hey,” Stan sighed as he wrapped his arms around Kyle, too.

They separated and Kyle started to assess the situation. The house was in shambles, that was for sure. 

“Imani isn’t awake yet,” Stan explained as he made his way back to the kitchen. Kyle followed.

Stan retrieved the bottle from the warmer and handed it to Sean, who quickly started to down it. He was growing so fast; just a handful of months earlier he couldn’t even hold up his head. Now he could sit up and hold his own bottle. It was kind of amazing.

Kyle sat down at the kitchen table, turning his chair toward Stan. He wasn’t sure what to say. Stan started to talk first, much to his relief.

“You know…it’s crazy, but Eric was at the hospital last night and he really helped us out. We went over in the ambulance so he drove us home and he helped me get the kids to bed when we got here. It was…kind of weird.”

Kyle blinked stupidly toward him. Eric? Oh, Jesus. What was that fat asshole up too…?

“That is definitely weird,” Kyle said dismissively.

Stan hesitated, but he kind of wanted Kyle’s input about the arrangement they’d agreed upon the night before. He was second guessing it now that it was a new day.

“He offered to come live here and help me with the kids. He said he would pay me rent and coordinate our work schedules.”

Kyle raised his eyebrows at him, “what? Ugh…I don’t know Stan. Be careful with that. Who knows what that fat-ass is up to. I guarantee you he doesn’t give a shit about you.”

Stan nodded, “I mean…he said as much. He wouldn’t really explain, but he said that he would get more out of it than I would, basically.”

“Are you actually going to let him live here?” Kyle asked, a little put off. He was going to be having some words with Cartman later, that was for sure.

Stan shrugged, “I don’t know. I mean…I really will need some help around here. Imani has school, but Sean has nowhere to go when I’m at work. I can’t really bring him with me and I don’t want him with strangers…”

“You trust Cartman with Sean?”

Stan blinked at him, “well…yeah, dude. More than a stranger, anyway.”

Kyle eyed Stan; his face felt hot. Even as adults, he and Eric still couldn’t manage to get along. Stan shook his head.

“Kyle, it’ll be fine. Eric and I get along a lot better than you guys do. He’s not as big a dick as you think he is.”

Kyle scoffed. Stan went on.

“He was really good with Imani and Sean yesterday, too. I couldn’t even get Sean to take his bottle…I was kind of panicking actually…and he just, like, came in and made everything better. He takes care of people for a living. I’m pretty sure he can handle my kids.”

“Okay. Fair enough, but you do realize that he’s going to be with your kids more than you will be. I’m not saying he won’t take good enough care of them…but that basically means that, for however long you two go forward with this little arrangement, _Eric Cartman_ will essentially be raising your children. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

Stan hesitated at the thought. Kyle did have a pretty good point there. Before he could respond he heard Imani’s little feet heading down the stairs. He felt sick as he realized it was time to explain.

…

Eric had woken up fairly early, surprising himself. He normally slept in until eleven or so after such a long shift. Maybe it was because he was so eager to move on with his day; knowing he was moving away from his mom really had given him something to look forward to as he’d gone to bed. The prospect of living with a friend felt really good to him, despite the rough circumstances surrounding the opportunity. He knew it was going to be depressing around the house for a while, but how could it be any worse than the depressing shit he saw at work? Not to mention how depressing it was living with his mother. No. It had to be better than that. Plus, he knew in the long-term that the family would move forward and the house would grow lighter. It would probably take a pretty long time, but he could wait it out. Eventually, he assumed, he would be there amongst a relatively content family and it was a thought he longed for.

After waking and showering, Eric fished a large suitcase from out of his closet and started stuffing everything he wanted into it. He didn’t have a whole lot; mostly clothes, a laptop, ipod, phone and some chargers. That was pretty much it. 

Once he was packed he headed downstairs and spotted his mom having some coffee in the kitchen, reading something on her tablet. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed himself some coffee, sitting down across from her. He was ready to break the news.

“Mom…I’m moving out,” he said bluntly.

“What? Where are you going?” she asked softly, a sad look on her face.

“Stan’s wife is dead. He needs help with his kids. I said I’d move in and help,” he explained, no emotion behind his words. Detached. That was the best way to handle things.

“Oh…” she said meekly. 

He knew she was devastated. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he understood and was even like her in that respect. It was pretty much the reason he couldn’t bring himself to get his own place; the thought of being alone was just too much. He knew that she was facing that very prospect. He knew that, if he allowed himself, he could deeply empathize with the fear and anxiety she must’ve felt over the idea of her impending solitude. Of course, he wasn’t going to allow that. He stuffed it down and numbed himself. She would be fine. It wasn’t his concern.

“Alright…well…I guess that’s it then. I’m heading out,” he said flatly as he took another big gulp of his coffee and stood up.

“You’re leaving now?” she asked, a little panicked.

“Yep. I’ll see you,” he replied as he walked out of the kitchen and started to roll his suitcase toward the door. She sat at the kitchen table, her heart racing in her chest, as she watched her son disappear out the front door. He never bothered to look back.

…

Stan had Imani sitting between him and Kyle on the living room couch. Kyle was bouncing Sean on his knee. They both felt anxious as they prepared to deliver the difficult news.

“Are we going to get mama soon?” she asked, peering up with her large, brown eyes.

Stan’s hands were trembling as he tried to find the right words. He didn’t want to do this.

“No, princess. Mom…well…when we took mom to the hospital last night the doctors did their best. They really tried to help her, honey, but they just weren’t able to fix it. She was hurt too bad…”

Imani stared up at her father, not understanding what he was trying to say to her.

“So, do we have to get her tomorrow then?”

Stan looked down into his lap briefly before locking eyes with his daughter again. He was going to have to be very straightforward with her.

“Mommy is in heaven, Imani. She passed away. She can’t be here with us anymore.”

Stan stared at her as she took in the information. He was surprised as she stood up and stomped her foot, glaring angrily at him.

“No! That’s not true!” she hollered at him before turning around and racing off to her room, slamming the door behind her.

Stan glanced over at Kyle. He hadn’t known how she would react. Anger made sense. Denial made sense. He also felt that way, if he was honest. 

“Should I go up there?” he asked.

“I don’t know, dude. Maybe give some space…?” Kyle responded, his green eyes wide.

As Stan mulled over his options, there was a knock at the door. He quickly went to answer it, a little relieved to see Eric. 

“Oh, hey…” he greeted him, stepping aside so he could come into the house.

“Hi,” he said as he came in and waited for Stan to tell him where to go.

“Uh…you’re room goes right off of the living room. I didn’t get it ready yet…”

“It’s fine. I can take care of it,” he insisted as he carried his suitcase over toward the living room, spotting Kyle as he walked through.

Ugh. Of course that Jew was here. He grunted a hello at him as he disappeared into his new room, dropping his suitcase and taking a brief look around. It was a good size; he would definitely be comfortable. He slid out of his jacket and made his way back out into the living room, noticing the tension in the air.

“What’s going on?” he asked cautiously as he sat down on the couch across from Kyle.

“I just told Imani. She’s really upset…she said it wasn’t true and stormed off to her room.”

Eric nodded. Poor kid.

“Should I go up there? I don’t know what to do?” Stan asked.

Kyle wrinkled his nose a little. Why on God’s green earth would Stan want advice about how to handle his children from Cartman? He wasn’t trustworthy and he didn’t have a wife or kids. He was about as useless a friend in this situation as Kyle could imagine.

“Let her process for a while,” Eric replied. That’s what he would’ve wanted if he were in her shoes.

Kyle felt an enormous amount of resentment settling into his belly as Stan sat down beside Eric, questioning him further.

“Do you see much of this? At work…? Should I get her in with a counselor or something? I emailed one this morning.”

Eric shifted, averting his eyes as he answered, “I see people die. I see grieving families. I don’t really know what happens once they leave the ER, though. I mean, trauma is trauma. She’s going to feel this. A counselor probably isn’t a bad idea.”

Stan leaned back into the couch and folded his arms across his chest, biting his lower lip as he considered things. Eric sat awkwardly for a couple of moments before deciding to go into the kitchen and grab a cup of coffee. He didn’t ask if anyone wanted any, but he grabbed a cup for Stan and brought it back to the couch. He set it down on the coffee table in front of them as he settled back into the couch and started sipping on it. He was fucking tired. Those long shifts really took it out of him.

“Thanks…what’s your schedule like this week?” Stan asked as he leaned forward and snatched the coffee cup from the table.

“I have a shift tomorrow, Wednesday and Friday.”

Stan nodded, “okay. I can work with that. I can pretty much go in when I want. I’ll just take those days off, I guess. Or I can work from home. Either way.”

“Me and Red are around if you need anything, too,” Kyle offered, a little jealous of the whole thing. What the hell was Cartman up to? Since when did he give this much of a shit about Stan?

“Thank you, Kyle,” Stan said appreciatively. He looked exhausted.

Suddenly, Stan’s cell phone went off.

“Ah…it’s my mom. I have to take this,” he said as he stood up and left the room.

Kyle’s eyes settled on Eric, who was sipping his coffee across from him and staring right back. Eric could tell Kyle was aggravated and suspicious about what he was doing. As much as he didn’t want to care, he did. Kyle was still able to get under his skin, even after all of these years. It was such bullshit that he still acted that way. It had been a fairly long time since Eric had done anything outright diabolical to anyone, let alone Kyle. Why couldn’t he get over himself?

“Cartman…what are you doing here? What is this? None of this matters to you and we both know it,” Kyle quietly demanded.

What? How could he say that? Of course it mattered! Fucking Kyle; all high and mighty…thinking he’s better than everyone else, as usual. 

“I don’t owe you an explanation, Jew,” Eric spat back, keeping his voice down.

Kyle leaned forward, the unknowing baby still in his lap, as a roughness became apparent in his hushed tone, “I swear Cartman…if you do _anything_ to make this situation worse I’ll kick your ass, you hear me?”

Eric leaned forward, too, speaking through gritted teeth, “Fuck you, Kyle. If you even so much as lay a finger on me I’ll fucking beat the shit out of you!”

The two of them glared angrily at one another as Stan returned to the room, snapping them both out of it. Stan caught on anyway.

“Oh, Christ. Will you two stop it? Jesus…” he grumbled as he plopped back down beside Eric.

Eric could tell it burned Kyle up that Stan kept choosing to sit with him, and he couldn’t help but smirk at Kyle mockingly. Kyle rolled his eyes and sat back into his seat, trying to calm down.

“My mom and dad are going to be over here in a bit to help me with Imani,” Stan explained.

“I can make myself scarce,” Eric offered, realizing he maybe wasn’t supposed to be around for these family moments.

“It’s cool, dude. Shit like that doesn’t really matter at this point,” Stan shrugged.

If he was honest, nothing really felt like it mattered much at this point. Nothing outside of making sure his kids got through this hurricane. As he sat there between his two feuding friends, he closed his eyes and started to fall asleep, suddenly hit with the exhaustion of it all. Eric noticed and gestured for Kyle to follow him out of the room. Kyle stood and watched skeptically as Eric pulled a throw blanket from the back of the couch and put it on Stan. They were both quiet as they slid out the back doors of the kitchen, entering the back yard. Eric kept the door cracked so they could hear if Imani came downstairs.

“Do you want me to take that kid for a while?” Eric asked, realizing Kyle had been holding onto Sean the entire time he’d been there.

“No. It’s fine,” Kyle spat out, still sounding irritated.

Eric shrugged, raising his eyebrows in exasperation.

“You know, Kyle…we’re not goddamn kids anymore. Why do you still act like this with me?”

Kyle glanced at him, a little caught off guard. To be honest, he and Cartman hadn’t spent much time around each other since they’d graduated high school, obviously a very long time ago. He didn’t really know him anymore. He did know that he and Stan and Kenny all kept in touch, though. Maybe he was being unfair. He felt enormously frustrated by that thought. Eric was right, though; they definitely weren’t kids anymore. Maybe he had changed. He let out a frustrated sigh.

“Okay…fine. I’m sorry.”

Eric nodded, a little self-satisfied. He really did want Kyle to chill out, though, so he wasn’t going to do anything to provoke him. He was such a goddamn hot head.

“So…what’s your deal, Cartman? What have you been doing all of these years, anyway?” Kyle asked reluctantly.

Eric shrugged, “working mostly. Saving.”

Kyle nodded. Eric wanted to deflect; he wasn’t especially fond of sharing the minutia of his life with others.

“How are things with you? I know you got married and made yourself a couple of carbon copies. How’s that all been?”

Kyle let out an amused laugh, “yeah. I’ve got two boys. It’s pretty nuts in our house all of the time. It’s fun, though. Especially as they get older.”

Kyle glanced at Eric out the side of his eye as he shifted. He looked really uncomfortable with the conversation. Kyle just couldn’t understand him. Why was he so closed off? Was it just because it was him? Or was he always like that?

“Are you seeing anyone?” Kyle asked, suddenly realizing how very little he knew about someone he used to know so well.

Eric shook his head, “not really. I have someone that I hook up with once in a while, but that’s it.”

“Anyone I know?” Kyle asked curiously. Maybe they could connect about women at least?

Eric was staring at the ground, shifting around uncomfortably, “it’s not what you think, Kyle. We’re not going to be able to, like, talk about how hot some chick I’m dating is.”

“Why not? Is she ugly?” Kyle teased, trying to lighten the mood. Eric knew what he was doing.

He raised his gaze, looking Kyle over. Should he tell him? The whole situation with Stan probably meant that he would be seeing Kyle once in a while. Maybe he should attempt to be friendly. He shook his head, his eyebrows raised in surprise that he was even considering sharing tidbits about his life with Kyle Broflovski.

“You’re going to get all holier-than-thou with me. I’ve been sleeping with a married person off and on for a while now.”

“Oh, Jesus, Cartman. Of course you are…”

“Hey…you don’t know anything about it, Jew. Come on. You asked.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, “well, who is it, then? And why are you doing that? There’s plenty of single people out there…why do you have to go and fuck with someone’s marriage?”

“Not as many as you would think,” Eric grumbled.

Kyle eyed him, trying his best not to assume Eric was the piece of shit he thought he was.

“Look…it was easy for you and Stan, okay? You guys are both all thin and good looking and shit. I’m just…I’m not like that, okay? I’m, like, the person that people are comfortable being friends with and that’s it. And then one day, I’m out at a bar just like blowing off some steam after a really goddamn shitty day, and this person starts paying attention to me. It felt really nice, and it just kind of happened. I took him home and we fooled around. A lot of time passed before he hit me up again and we’ve just kind of kept up with that for, shit…I don’t know, maybe about a year now it’s been happening.”

Kyle took in what he’d said. Okay…so…Eric was gay. That was a thing. How had he not known that? Did Stan and Kenny know? He felt kind of bad that he’d gotten that far out of touch. It kind of made sense, though. He’d definitely thought he might be a time or two over the years.

“So…who is it?” Kyle asked again, curious.

Eric eyed him, “you can’t ever tell anyone, Kyle. You could blow up his whole life, okay?”

Kyle swallowed. Maybe it would be best if he didn’t know. He was curious, though.

“Okay. I won’t tell anyone.”

Eric looked him over once more, trying to decide if he was going to trust Kyle with this sensitive information. He felt a little resigned, though. Maybe it would be better if he told him. Maybe he could convince him to knock it off and do better. Kyle had always pushed really hard when they were kids for him to make better choices. In a way, he’d missed that.

“It’s Craig.”

Kyle nodded. Craig and Tweek had gotten married right out of high school. He felt a little nauseous now that he had the information. That really sucked. Poor Tweek.

“I wonder why he stays,” Kyle mused.

“He doesn’t want to leave Tweek. It’s just a sex thing between us. We don’t really care about each other or anything.”

Kyle looked him over, “that’s really sad, Cartman. Don’t you want more than that?”

Eric looked up at him, meeting his eyes. He’d caught him off guard. Of course he wanted more than that. Why wouldn’t he? It was just that he found love to be so confusing and impossible. Besides, any love he’d ever felt throughout the years had been entirely unrequited. It was just better to have someone to fuck around with when he needed the physical contact. He could get the rest of what he needed, the emotional stuff, from his friends. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself.

“No. I’m fine,” he said flatly.

As Kyle looked him over he knew it was a lie. For the first time ever, he could see a human being somewhere deep down, behind that guarded exterior. He decided then to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe there was more to Eric Cartman than he’d given him credit for. Maybe he really did care.

Suddenly, Imani was at the door, peeking her head out. They both looked down at her, Eric responding first.

“Hey, kiddo,” he said softly as he crouched down to her level. Kyle observed, wanting to see what Eric would do.

She had tear-stained cheeks. It was pretty heart breaking to see the confusion and sadness on her face.

“Daddy’s asleep…” she explained as she approached Eric and sat down on one of his knees. He wrapped his arms around her.

“Yeah…he is.”

She sniffled, her large brown eyes looking at Eric for answers.

“Is my mommy really dead?” she asked quietly.

Eric looked her over. There was no sense in being anything less than honest with her.

“Yes…she is. I’m really sorry,” he offered.

She nodded and sniffled, letting herself cry some more.

“Can I wake up my daddy?” she asked through her tears.

Eric nodded in the affirmative at her, giving her arm a rub before she got off of his lap and went inside. Eric and Kyle glanced at each other as they followed her inside. They stood watching as she quietly got into Stan’s lap; she didn’t do anything further, but he did stir. He blinked, realizing she was in his lap crying.

“Oh…” he said quietly as he pulled her in for a hug and let her cry into his chest.

He kissed the top of her head before resting his cheek atop it. He couldn’t help it; he started to cry too. He rocked her and held her as the two of them cried together for quite some time. Eric and Kyle both felt like they were intruding, but also didn’t want to move. The situation felt very fragile. After some time, though, they both found it in themselves to stop. Stan lifted his head and met her eyes, wiping her cheeks dry.

“We’re gonna be okay, Imani. Alright? We’ll get through this.”

She nodded at him. He offered her a smile.

“Grandma and Grandpa should be here soon…why don’t we make some breakfast so we all have something to eat when they get here?”

She smiled at him, “can we have pancakes?”

“Yes. We can have pancakes.”

Though she didn’t have her usual cheer, she did get off of his lap. She ran up to her room to get a few of her favorite toys, and also the blanket she’d had since she was a baby. She wanted the comfort of her favorite things while she waited for her grandparents and pancakes. Suddenly, in her eyes, the world was a scary place, indeed.


	3. Relentless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric considers his situation and sees Stan's grief up close.

After Kyle had left, Eric chose to spend most of his time in his new room while the Marsh’s were over. He felt uncomfortable intruding on their visit, although Imani did pop her head in a few times. Apparently, she was pretty excited about having Eric in the house. He didn’t mind it; he found her to be pretty endearing, honestly. Overall, it wasn’t too bad. He got his clothes put away and straightened up, mostly screwing around on his computer. He was always too tired after a long shift to do much the next day. At the end of the day, Sharon had decided to cook up a proper meal for everyone. Stan had invited him to join them for dinner, which he obliged. It was good and the conversation was fine enough. No one discussed Nichole; not with Imani at the table. Eric had overheard quite a bit throughout the day, anyway. There were discussions about having a funeral mid-week, getting Imani and Stan into counseling, and he’d even overheard Stan telling his parents how much Eric was planning to do for them. Unlike Kyle, they weren’t suspicious of him. He had to admit, it had made him feel pretty good to hear how appreciated he was. People never said things like that about him.

Once dinner was over Eric helped Sharon and Randy clean up the kitchen while Stan prepared the kids for bed. Eric realized how late it was and figured he would have to be going to bed soon, too. He had another long shift tomorrow. Thankfully, the kitchen was cleaned fairly quickly between the three of them and they were soon saying goodbye to the Marsh’s. Little Imani was in her jammies as she hugged them goodbye, holding onto them as though she never wanted them to leave. They each gave Stan a big, overly emotional hug, and said goodbye to Eric; they even expressed their gratitude over the selfless act Eric was performing. His ego inflated a little more at the notion.

Stan let out a relieved sigh as his parents shut the door behind them, “thanks for all of that. I’m going to go and put Imani down. Do you think you could give Sean a bottle like you did yesterday? He did better with you better than me…”

Eric held out his hands, “yeah, that’s fine.”

Stan looked especially grateful as he handed his son over to his friend, “thanks, dude.”

Eric nodded as he slid Sean onto his hip and went into the kitchen to figure out how to do the whole bottle thing. The formula was out on the counter and the directions were on the container. He read them over and mixed up the bottle, plopping it into the warmer and waiting for it to be acceptable to the tiny, demanding human in his arms. As he waited he looked down at Sean, greeted with his giant brown eyes. He smiled at him and touched his finger to his squishy little nose.

“Hi there, buddy,” he said quietly.

Sean gave him a big smile, which Eric found charming. 

“You’re lucky you’re so little. You won’t remember any of this,” he mused, retrieving the bottle as the warmer dinged.

He shook the bottle up to make sure it was evenly heated and then popped it into Sean’s mouth as he headed up the stairs. He caught a glimpse of Stan reading to Imani as he passed, but he didn’t notice. Once he was in Sean’s room he sat down in the glider beside the crib and helped him keep the bottle in his mouth. Sean did start to cry, which Eric assumed was because he wanted his mother at bed time.

“I know, little dude. I know. I’m sorry,” he cooed at him as he held him up and rocked him, patting his back.

Unfortunately for him, Sean abruptly spit up a good amount of formula onto his shoulder.

“Oh, dude…sick…” he mumbled as he held moved him over onto his other shoulder and resumed the patting and rocking.

Luckily for him, the cries of this strange little baby didn’t irk him too much; probably because it wasn’t his own child. He’d heard from mothers in the ER about how they couldn’t bear to hear their children sob, which kind of amused him. New parents were always so worked up when they brought their perfectly healthy, yet fussy children in. They were always so certain something serious was wrong. Usually the poor kid just had to fart or burp and didn’t know how.

Eric zoned out for quite some time, his thoughts landing on the situation with Craig. The pity he’d seen in Kyle’s eyes when he told him about it got under his skin. He didn’t want pity from that goddamn, stuck-up Jew. He’d hated the way that had made him feel. So vulnerable. Way too exposed. He probably shouldn’t have told him about it, but he also knew he was going to have to try and make nice with Kyle if he was going to stay with Stan. Those two had always remained close; something Eric was a little envious of, though he couldn’t quite place why.

Nonetheless, it was possible that Kyle had a point. Obviously he’d known it was going to end poorly at some point. Best case scenario would be that at some point either he or Craig would break it off and Tweek would never know. Naturally, there were a few others ways it could play out, most of which spelled out a bunch of unwanted drama for Eric. Maybe he should break it off before it all blew up in his face. Then again…Craig was admittedly hot. He was extremely attracted to him on a physical level, and the sex was good. Plus, it was safe with regard to attachment. Craig was as good at turning off his emotions and compartmentalizing as he was. They were both perfectly capable of fucking and then ignoring each other entirely outside of that. It worked very well for him.

And yet…

“Hey,” Stan whispered as he peeked his head into the room.

Eric snapped out of it, meeting Stan’s tired eyes. He quickly realized Sean had stopped crying, so he quietly transferred him into his crib and left the room. He and Stan went downstairs before either of them felt they were far enough away to talk without waking him.

“Christ, what a day…” Stan sighed as he made his way to the fridge. He pulled out a beer, “do you want one?”

Eric waved his hand at him, “no, it’s cool. I’ve got to get up pretty early.”

Stan nodded, snapping the cap off with a bottle opener and plopping down on the couch. Eric came and sat beside him as he turned on the TV, settling on an old movie. Eric folded his arms across his chest and propped his feet up on the coffee table, not bothering to say a word. He figured he’d keep Stan a little company for an hour or so and then go to sleep. As time wore on, Stan finished up his beer and went to the fridge to get another. Eric could tell he was going to try and drink himself to sleep and figured he’d leave him to it.

“Alright, well…I’m off. I’ll see you tomorrow night,” Eric said as he stretched his arms above his head and got up from the couch.

Stan sat back down, glancing at Cartman, “’night, Cartman.”

“Goodnight,” he answered as he headed off into his room.

He shut the door quietly behind him, changing out of his barfed on shirt and into his pajamas, before happily sliding into the bed. It was soft and there were big, fluffy pillows on it. It was a whole hell of a lot nicer than what he’d had at his mom’s and he felt only what could be described as pure joy as he got comfortable. Holy hell. Even though he had to take care of the kids and deal with Stan’s wallowing, he was really happy to be there. He pulled his phone from his pocket, set his alarm, plugged it in, and fell into a deep sleep.

Sometime around midnight, however, he found himself awake. He wasn’t sure what had woken him, but he quickly sat up and found himself listening as if by instinct. Had he heard something? He listened, realizing he had. It sounded like Stan was sobbing out in the living room. He glanced at his clock and noted the time.

“Christ…” he mumbled as he got out of bed, a little disoriented by the sleepiness he still felt pulling at him.

He trudged out of his room, wiping his eyes as he saw Stan. It was a pretty sorry sight; he had at least five beer bottles out on the coffee table, and he was sitting there with his elbows propped on his knees and his head buried into his hands as he cried hysterically. Eric felt a twinge of sympathy as he made his way over and sat down beside him, awkwardly staring at him. Stan didn’t say anything, he just leaned into Eric and kept crying, catching him off guard. He looked around as though someone might be watching them, trying to decide what he should do. He made an uncomfortable face as he hesitantly put his arm around Stan and let him continue to cry. He continued to look around as though he could land his eyes on something that might make this horrible, awkward situation pass. There was nothing.

Finally, he resigned himself to it and let out a sigh. He wrapped his other arm around Stan and pulled him in for a proper hug, letting him cry into his chest. He patted his back a little, trying to calm him down. 

“I can’t believe she’s gone…” Stan sobbed.

Eric didn’t say anything. What could he say? Nothing would make it any easier on him. He waited, letting him cry it out for a while longer. Once Stan had started to calm down he pulled away from Eric, his face red with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry…you need to sleep,” he said as he wiped his face.

Eric shrugged, “yeah…so do you.”

Stan looked down at the ground, “I can’t. I can’t sleep alone.”

Eric looked around the living room again, trying to ease his discomfort with the whole thing. Christ. What an emotional mess. It made him cringe.

“Would it help you if I sleep on the other couch?” he offered reluctantly.

Stan shook his head, “No. Go to bed, Cartman. I have to handle this on my own.”

Eric nodded, giving Stan a hesitant look before deciding it was best to just go back to bed. Unfortunately, as he returned to his room and settled back into his bed, he found it difficult to fall back asleep. He laid there for at least an hour before he was able to fall back asleep. Maybe this would be harder than he’d thought. Seeing grief like that up close without the option to dip out of a patient’s room when he’d had enough was jarring. This wasn’t going to be like the ER. This was going to be relentless.


	4. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The situation with Craig takes a complicated turn.

Craig parked his car in front of Stan’s house. It was early afternoon on a Wednesday, which had pretty much become their regular time for these encounters. He strode up quickly, not especially wanting anyone else in the neighborhood to notice him. As far as he knew, no one else lived there who might be in contact with Tweek, but he still couldn’t help but worry about it at times. Once he was tucked away on the porch he knocked on the door, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket and looking around. Soon enough, Eric was at the door.

Craig smiled at him and immediately entered the house, wrapping his arms around Eric and kissing him. Eric leaned into the kiss as Craig kicked the door closed behind him. These days were nice because they had the house to themselves; Stan worked, Imani was at school and the Marsh’s took their grandson so that Eric could have a day kid-free. Craig didn’t really understand why he was doing everything he was, but he seemed happy enough; he’d been living there around two months or so. It had surprised him, that was for certain. He’d never considered Eric to be the type to do something so, well, nice. It made him almost feel fond of him outside of the sex, which frightened him in a way.

“Bedroom…” Craig insisted as he kissed Eric some more, tugging at his shirt a little as he stumbled backwards.

“Come on,” Eric responded as he grabbed Craig’s hand and led him into his room. 

Even though no one was home, Eric was always a little paranoid that Stan might come home for lunch or something. He’d never done so before, but still, he shut his door behind them in case. Craig leaned him up against the door and kissed him, only breaking it long enough to pull Eric’s shirt up over his head. He took off his own and leaned in close; he enjoyed how soft and warm Eric’s body was against his own. It was so different from Tweek and, even though they’d been at it for a year or so now, he still found it all to be very exciting. Craig closed his eyes as Eric broke their kiss and dropped down to his knees, ready to get going. It didn’t take long for him to finish up; it never did.

“Fuck…” Craig whispered as Eric stood back up, smiling affectionately toward him.

Craig smiled back and kissed him again before returning the favor. It wasn’t long before Eric was done and they were both redressing themselves. This is the way it always was. Once it was over, it was over. Today, however, Craig found himself wanting to hang around. As they both finished dressing, Eric grabbed his phone and sat on the edge of his bed, entirely absorbed in it. Craig knew he expected him to leave; he lingered, waiting for Eric to notice he was still there. Eventually, he did lift his eyes from his phone, a confused expression on his face as looked at Craig.

“Uh…why’re you still here?”

Craig shrugged, wanting to play it cool.

“Do you mind if we, like, have some coffee or something before I go?”

Eric looked skeptical. It didn’t sound like a good idea. This thing wasn’t supposed to be anything more than sex. Why did Craig want to stay? Craig could tell Eric was a little put off and he started to backpedal.

“I can go if you want. I just thought maybe we could hang a little. I’ve got some time.”

Eric looked at him a moment longer before setting his phone down. What was the worst that could happen?

“Okay…it’s fine. Come on,” he said as he stood up, opening his door and making his way out into the kitchen.

Craig found himself a little self-conscious as he sat down at the table, watching as Eric filled up two cups with the coffee pod brewer. He was kind of nervous to spend time with Eric. He probably shouldn’t have asked to, but he was so intrigued. The fact that he’d been helping Stan for so long made him feel like there was more to Eric Cartman than meets the eye. It made him want to know more about who he was.

“Here,” Eric said as he handed the cup to Craig and sat down across from him, nervously sipping at his own cup. He had no goddamn idea what Tucker was up to; it freaked him out.

“So…what’s been going on here? Has this whole arrangement been okay?” Craig pried.

Maybe Craig just wanted to know more about Stan. The scandal had been the talk of everyone out in town. The thought irked Eric a bit; their tragedy wasn’t a tasty morsel of gossip for the town’s people. He wanted to tread lightly with the details.

“It’s been fine. The kids are good. Stan’s pretty much working when I’m not. Imani has school, so usually it’s just me and the little dude. He doesn’t cry as much as he used to when Nichole first died.”

Craig nodded, running one of his fingers along the side of his cup. An awkward silence passed between the two of them before Eric decided to pry.

“Did you just want to talk to me to find out what’s going on with Stan? I know everyone around town is talking…”

Craig shook his head, “No, no. It’s not that.”

Eric blinked at him, a confused look on his face.

“Well, then what? You and I don’t talk. We fuck. That’s what we do. What do you want, Tucker?”

Craig sighed, scratching at the back of his head.

“I don’t know Eric. I guess I just thought this thing you’re doing here is pretty generous.”

Eric’s face looked exasperated. Christ. It was like pulling teeth getting information.

“Okaaaayyy…so?”

Craig smirked and let out a frustrated laugh, “so…so I guess I think that’s interesting. I’m interested.”

“In what?”

“In you, Eric.”

Eric blinked at him, his eyes wide. Craig let out another laugh, though he was more amused at this point.

“You’re interested in me?”

“Yes.”

“Like…more than fucking you mean?”

“Yes,” he repeated.

Eric leaned back into his chair and folded his arms across his chest. Well this was just goddamn irritating. Now what should he do?

Craig raised his eyebrows at him, waiting for a real response. When none came he shook his head, though he had a good-humored expression on his face.

“Look, Cartman, it’s cool. I understand what we’ve got going here and it’s fine. We can keep it that way if you want. I just can’t help it I guess. I’ve been thinking about you a little differently lately, that’s all.”

“I think my fantastic blow jobs have your pretty little head all mixed up,” Eric explained, entirely sincere.

Craig lifted his eyes upward, letting out another exasperated laugh, “Jesus, Eric. It’s not that.”

Eric stared at him quietly as their eyes met, a genuine look of fondness apparent on Craig’s face, “I think I like you. I have been thinking about you a lot and, honestly, the times that we hook up are becoming the highlight of my week. I think I’d like to get to know you better.”

“Jesus Christ, Craig. You’re married. This is _not_ a good idea. You should _not_ get to know me better.”

“I know I shouldn’t, but I want to.”

Eric eyed him before letting out a frustrated groan, “Fuuuuck. This is all bad, Tucker. All bad.”

Craig nodded, “I don’t disagree with you.”

“Don’t you feel bad for Tweek at all? Why would I want to get involved with a sociopath who doesn’t give a crap that he’s fucking around on his husband?” Eric asked, an irritated expression on his face.

Craig averted his eyes, a moment of silence passing between them.

“I do care. I feel guilty.”

“So, then, why do you want to make it worse by bringing a bunch of fucking feelings into the mix?”

“It’s fine, Eric…if you don’t want to do this we won’t. Christ,” he spat out, feeling entirely rejected. He should’ve kept his mouth shut.

“I’m not giving you shit, Craig. I want to know,” Eric insisted.

Craig tapped his foot on the ground nervously, a cautious expression as he explained, “I guess it’s hard not to have feelings doing the things we do. I think I already kind of care about you, alright?”

Eric leaned his head back, fixating on the ceiling. He was highly agitated. The whole reason he’d even gotten involved with Craig was because he thought he _could_ keep the sex and the emotions separate. Now he was fucking everything up. He let out a heavy sigh as he lowered his head and met Craig’s eyes. He could tell he felt bad; he’d gone out on a limb and been a little vulnerable. Eric felt a small pit forming in his stomach at the thought.

“Well…fuck…what do you propose we do then? It’s not like we can go out on dates? This town is so goddamn small. How the hell does someone have a proper affair in a place like this?”

Craig shrugged, a little relieved to hear Eric at least considering it.

“I don’t know. Do you think Stan would say anything if he knew about us?”

“No way, Craig. We are not being open about this in front of Stan. He’s got enough going on. He doesn’t need any drama from me.”

Craig nodded. Fair enough.

“Okay…well, you’re here on your days off with just the baby, right? Maybe I could come spend some time with you then?”

“I mean, you can hang out with me. We can’t screw around, though. I have to actually watch him, you know.”

“That’s fine,” Craig insisted.

He looked so nervous. It was aggravating Cartman all the more. He wished so badly he wasn’t feeling for him like that. He wanted him to shut it down. At the same time, though, he didn’t want Craig to be gone. He’d put him in a position where he either humored him or ended it, and he just wasn’t ready to end it. Eric let out an irritated sigh.

“Okay, fine. I’m working tomorrow, but you can come hang out with me on Friday while Stan’s at work if you want.”

Craig smiled at him, looking a little surprised.

“Okay…great.”

Eric eyed him.

“Is that all then?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Oh…uh, yeah. Okay…I’ll see you on Friday then,” Craig said awkwardly as he stood up to go.

“Yep,” Eric said bluntly, staring at him. Why wasn’t he going?

Craig offered him a half-hearted smile as he finally turned and walked away. Eric felt a little sick as he found himself alone. He really should’ve just ended it. This wasn’t going to be good.


	5. Appealing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric learns some new information about Stan and it changes things for him. Stan learns to let his guard down and accept some comfort.

The whole thing with Craig had Eric really rattled, so to pass the time before Imani needed to be picked up he cleaned up the house; all of it. He picked up all of the toys and clothes, vacuumed and scrubbed the bathrooms clean. It took him a pretty long time, but by the end of it all his nerves had at least settled. He wasn’t happy about the thing with Craig, but at least he’d managed to stuff down whatever it was he’d been feeling. Guilt, maybe? He ignored that thought. It was time to go and get Imani, anyway.

He gathered his keys and made his way out to the car, heading off quickly toward the school. This part of the day wasn’t so bad. Imani was always really happy when he picked her up, which had become a ritual he secretly loved. He also usually got to talk with Bebe if she wasn’t working at the ER; her daughter was in the same grade as Imani and they were pretty good friends, as it turned out. As he parked and made his way over to the other parents, he was happy to see her there.

“Hey, Bebe,” Eric greeted as he stood near her.

“Hi, Eric. How’s it going?” she asked, sliding her phone into her pocket. She usually played on it rather than socializing with the other moms.

Eric checked his watch real quick to see the time. They had a few minutes before the bell would ring.

“Actually…I was wondering if I might talk to you for a minute?” he said quietly.

“Oh, uh…okay…” she said as the two of them stepped away from the other moms.

Bebe leaned in toward him conspiratorially, speaking in hushed tones, “What’s going on? Is Stan okay?”

“Yeah, yeah…Stan’s alright. Well…as well as can be expected. It’s, uh…it’s about me, kind of.”

“Oh…what is it?” she asked, intrigued.

Eric looked around real quick, making sure no one was listening to them. How was he going to bring this up to her? He wanted her advice, he trusted her, but he also wanted to keep his private life private.

“So, hypothetically…what would you do if you were, you know, involved in a…sexual capacity…with a married man and he wanted to, like, you know…have more than just the sex with you?”

She blinked at him before giving him an amused smile, “Oh my God, Eric…you’re fucking Craig Tucker aren’t you?” she whispered at him excitedly.

Eric’s eyes widened, “What? No! I didn’t say that. Christ…wait…uh…why would you think _that_?”

“Because there’s only one gay married couple in town and you just asked me that obvious ass question.”

“That’s not true…there are others…and why wouldn’t you assume Tweek?” Eric insisted, a little panicked.

“Okay, but they’re old as shit and there’s no way in hell Tweek would ever be able to handle the pressure of an affair. Are you sexing up one of those old dudes?” she teased. She knew damn well she had him figured out.

His cheeks reddened as he realized he was going to just have to level with her. There wasn’t a lot of time to pick her brain before the kids were released.

“Okay, fine. Hypothetically, _if_ I was fucking Craig and he told me he wanted more than that…what…Ah, Christ. Yes, I’m fucking Craig, goddamn it. What should I do?” he whispered at her.

Bebe leaned in, making sure she was being quiet as they spoke.

“How long has this been going on?”

“About a year…” Eric admitted, his shoulders dropping.

She nodded, “Wow. That’s a pretty long time, Cartman.”

“I know.”

“Do you love him?”

“Christ, no. That’s what I’m all mixed up about. It was just supposed to be sex, and it was for a long time, but then today we hooked up and he started talking about being interested in me or whatever. Fuck. I don’t want this, Bebe…but I also kind of don’t not want it…does that make sense?”

She rolled her eyes, “ugh…Cartman! You dumbass. You need to shut that down now. You could really blow up their lives and for what? You don’t even want him. You just like having a booty call.”

Eric swallowed, considering her advice. He did trust her; she was just about the closest thing he had to a best friend anymore. She was probably right. He could destroy their marriage because he selfishly wanted someone to screw around with whenever he wanted. It was wrong, he knew it. But still; the sex was _so_ good and so available. It was hard to turn down. Bebe folded her arms, another amused look on her face.

“What is it?” he asked, a little put off.

“I know a little something you might be interested to know.”

“What?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest and leaning downward.

She glanced around again, making it obvious she was about to gossip with him.

“You’re not the only person he’s fooled around on Tweek with,” she said quietly.

That made sense. It had been pretty easy to get their affair going. He probably had had multiple affairs; wouldn’t it have given him more pause otherwise?

“Okay, well, that sounds about right,” Eric shrugged, a confused look on his face.

Bebe bit her lip and widened her eyes; she loved having gossip to share. Eric didn’t mind this aspect of her personality. It probably bothered people with a strong moral center; people like that asshole Kyle, but he honestly didn’t mind. She definitely always had something interesting to share, that was for sure.

“Don’t you want to know who it was?” Bebe asked.

Eric eyed her for a minute before rolling his eyes, “Fine. I’ll bite. Who?”

She raised her eyebrows at him as she leaned in and spoke as quietly as she could, “Stan. They hooked up early during senior year after he and Wendy split and before he started dating Nichole.”

Eric scoffed, “What? Oh, come on, Bebe. There’s no way. Stan is straight.”

“No, it’s true! I swear it! I was at a party around that time and Craig got absolutely smashed and he told me. He felt so guilty about cheating on Tweek, he just laid it all out on me when we were away from everyone else to smoke some cigarettes. Apparently they went at it for a few months and Stan got tired of sneaking around, so he ended it.”

Eric looked at her skeptically, “You’re seriously…this is true?”

She drew an “X” over her heart with one of her fingers, “it’s true.”

Eric stared ahead as the bell rang and kids started to pour out of the school.

“Why would you think I’d be interested in this?” he asked, a frustrated edge to his voice.

She looked up at him with a genuine expression on her face, “because…you love him, don’t you?”

Eric swallowed hard as he looked down at her. What? Why would she say that?

“No, I most definitely do not, Bebe,” he said as he scanned the crowd of children for Imani.

She rolled her eyes, “Oh, Jesus, Eric. Quit lying to yourself. I’ve never seen you treat anyone the way you treat Stan. It’s blatantly obvious.”

Eric shook his head, entirely frustrated. She had no idea what he felt about Stan or Craig or anyone, really. Before he could say anything she was talking again.

“Look…you want my advice? End this thing with Craig. End it now and focus on being there for Stan, no matter what you feel about him. He needs you right now, and this whole thing with Craig is just a mess waiting to land at your doorstep.”

Before he could say anything else Imani was running toward him.

“Mr. Eric!” she said happily as she gave him a big hug around his waist. 

“Imani!” he greeted as he gave her a quick hug and then grasped her hand, ready to lead her to the car. He exchanged a tense glance with Bebe, a little upset to see what looked like pity on her face. Why did people keep looking at him like that? He was fine. Everything was fine. He had things entirely under control.

…

Sharon watched quietly as her son finished going over the financials with his assistant. She’d noticed over the last couple of weeks that she’d seemed to be cozying up to Stan; it made her deeply uncomfortable. Nichole had only been gone for a couple of months, what the hell was this woman thinking? She hoped Stan knew better than to throw himself into something.

“Okay, that’s probably good for now. Thanks, Christina,” he said as he stood from their large, farmhouse table.

She smiled up at him fondly. Much like his mother, Stan had taken note of her interest. It didn’t really bother him all that much, though. He knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere; at least not for now. He wasn’t exactly sobbing himself to sleep every night anymore, but the loss of Nichole was still immense. There was no way he could even consider dating anyone, let alone someone he worked with. He did his best to just ignore it, trying to put out signals to let her know it wasn’t going to happen. She was persistent, though.

“Are you coming in tomorrow?” she asked as she stood, putting her jacket on and slinging her purse over her shoulder.

He had to admit, she was beautiful. She had fiery red hair, pale skin, green eyes and bright red lipstick. 

“No, I’ve got to work from home tomorrow. Eric has a shift at the hospital,” he explained as he got his own jacket on.

Sharon walked over, wanting to help him out of whatever situation this young woman was trying to get him in. She was carrying Sean and his diaper bag, ready to transfer both to her son.

“I guess we’ll be seeing you on Friday then,” Sharon asked as Stan collected his son.

“Yeah, I’ll be back on Friday,” he assured her as he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“You know, honey, if you want us to take the kids for a day this weekend we don’t mind. You deserve a break, too.”

“Thanks, mom. I dunno. Maybe…” he said as he looked down at Sean, running one of his fingers along his son’s chubby cheeks.

Christina cleared her throat, trying to gain Stan’s attention.

“Well, I will see you Friday then,” she chirped as she reached out and gave Sean’s little pudgy arm an affectionate squeeze. He giggled at her; as uninterested in her as Stan was, he still appreciated the kindness she showed his children. Even before Nichole had passed she’d always been friendly with them.

Once Christina had left the house Sharon quickly warned her son.

“You need to watch that one. She’s very interested in you.”

Stan sighed, “I know. I can tell. Don’t worry. I’m not throwing myself into anything.”

Sharon nodded, “good. I have a strong feeling she was interested in you before all of this happened. That’s not someone you want, trust me.”

He smiled at her, “Mom…it’s alright. Don’t worry. I’m not seeing anyone, least of all someone who works for me.”

“Okay. How is the counseling going? Is Imani doing alright with it?”

A troubled look crossed Stan’s face, “It’s going. She’s been having some trouble at school. She’s not been focusing too well in class, I guess. She’s very withdrawn. The only time I really see her happy is around Eric, honestly.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Stan said, a somewhat confused look on his face, “It’s weird, right? Of all people. I don’t know, though. She likes him a lot, and he’s really good with her. It’s working out.”

Sharon nodded, trying to assess the state of her son. He looked really thin, and he always looked exhausted. She was glad Eric was around; she hoped he didn’t want to move out any time soon.

“Are you sleeping, Stanley?”

He shook his head, “not really.”

“Oh, honey…please let us take the kids for a night this weekend? You need to rest.”

He offered her a smile, “I’ll think about it. I don’t know, Mom…”

She didn’t want to push him, so she decided to let it go. He was grateful. The truth was, the thought of spending a day without having the kids to occupy his time was a little terrifying. Any time he was left to himself he thought about Nichole. It had gotten a little better, but she still occupied a lot of his headspace.

“Alright…well, call us if you need anything,” she insisted as she gave him a quick hug and kissed the top of Sean’s head.

“I will. I’ll see you later, mom,” he said as he headed out of the house.

As he approached his car he prepared himself for Sean’s protests. 

“Okay, little buddy…don’t scream, alright? It’s _just_ a car seat. We will be home so fast…” he cooed as he lowered him into the seat.

It was no use. He was already wailing at the top of his lungs. The sound of his cry drove Stan nuts. It was a visceral reaction every time he heard it. It made him feel panicked, like he’d bend over backwards to do anything to appease the angry child before him. Unfortunately, he _had_ to be in the seat, so he buckled him and shut the door. He took a deep breath to try and keep himself calm and centered as he got into the driver’s seat and made his way home. Sean was determined to be released from his confinement, however, and he screamed relentlessly all the way home. By the time Stan pulled into his driveway his nerves were fried. He carefully removed Sean from his seat, grateful that he immediately settled down.

“I’m sorry little dude…I know it sucks,” he said as he grabbed the diaper bag and went into the house. 

As he entered he was surprised to see the place so clean. He dropped his keys and carried Sean into the kitchen. Eric was finishing up cooking some dinner, which had pretty much become routine. Whichever one of them was at home for the day did that.

“Wow, it’s so clean in here…” Stan said as he came up beside Eric and peeked at what they were going to eat; spaghetti, awesome.

“I got bored,” Eric shrugged, playing it off.

Of course, he hadn’t been bored. He was stressed and mixed up about his relationships. He’d wanted Bebe to make him feel better, but she’d made it worse. As he glanced up at Stan and offered him an awkward smile, he couldn’t help but wonder if what Bebe had said was true. Was he bi? Was there a chance? He’d definitely developed a crush on Stan in high school, but once he’d gotten serious with Nichole he let it go because it just seemed like there was no shot in hell. Now that he knew it might not be what he thought, he found himself looking at Stan a little differently.

“Well, thanks. I was planning to get at it this weekend,” Stan said as he made his way to the fridge and pulled out a beer.

As he shut the door Imani was beside him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Hi, Daddy!” she said cheerfully, which surprised him a little. It had been quite some time since he’d heard such high spirits in her voice.

“Hey, Princess! How was school today?”

“It was so fun. We had a pizza party!”

“Oh, that’s pretty cool. That’s great,” he said as he patted the back of her head, smiling at her affectionately.

She released him and ran off into the living room to play. Eric drained the pasta and rinsed it before dumping it into the sauce and stirring it all up. He turned and approached Stan, sliding a paper across the island toward him. Stan set Sean into his high chair and walked over to take a look at it. It was a progress report on Imani. Her grades were slipping and there was a note scribbled on it from her teacher asking Stan to come in and discuss it with her.

“Shit,” he mumbled under his breath, “I wonder if she’ll talk to me tomorrow.”

“Call her,” Eric said as he grabbed some bowls and started serving up dinner.

Stan whipped out his cell phone and dialed the number she’d written on the report. He stepped out of the room so that Imani wouldn’t hear as Eric brought all of the bowls over to the table and called Imani to the table. She ran straight over and started to dig in happily.

“This is my favorite!” she chirped between mouthfuls.

“I know, that’s why I made it,” Eric replied.

“Thank you!” she said dramatically, smiling wide at him.

He let out an amused laugh as Stan made his way to the table, sitting down beside Imani. Eric had the high chair beside him and he was cutting bite size clusters of noodles for Sean. He greedily took them, shoveling them into his mouth and getting sauce all over himself.

“Did you get that sorted out?” Eric asked.

“Yeah. I’m going to talk to her when I go for pick up tomorrow.”

Eric nodded, handing more pasta over to Sean. Imani had no clue what he was talking about and she didn’t ask. No one wanted to say anything else about it, seeing as she was in such a good mood. She’d been very sullen most days; this felt like a gift. As Eric ate he found his eyes landing on Stan, who was chatting happily with his daughter about whatever she wanted to talk about. 

Christ. He really was good looking. Eric had always thought so, but he’d never allowed himself to linger on it too much. In light of what Bebe had told him earlier, though, he found himself dropping his guard. He felt a pit in his stomach as he eyed him with that thick head of hair, those ocean-blue eyes and charming smile. He was pretty much the most attractive man he’d ever seen; he always had been in his eyes. He’d also always had the best personality of their exclusive group of friends in his opinion. He had an exceptional amount of common sense, he was caring but also very masculine in his mannerisms, and he’d always been the kindest of them toward Cartman. He seemed to understand him in a way that Kyle certainly hadn’t, nor did Kenny. He knew Stan was closer with Kyle and everything, but he couldn’t help but wonder why he’d always demonstrated such a soft spot for Eric. Was there something to it? Shit. He was so confused now. Why did Bebe have to go and run her mouth?

Once dinner was finished the two of them cleaned up. Stan took the dishes while Eric cleaned the counters and stove. The grooves of their routines were pretty well worn two months into their time together, and neither of them thought too much about it. After that was done the kids had some time left to be awake; Stan popped on the TV and let Imani have some shows. Sean was down on the floor trying to crawl. He was getting pretty close. Stan sat down at the island, looking horribly exhausted. Eric pulled out one of the stools beside him and faced him.

“You’re still not sleeping, are you?” he asked, tapping one of his hands on the counter top.

Stan shook his head, a saddened look on his face, “No. It takes me forever to fall asleep and then I wake up a lot when I do.”

Eric looked him over, allowing himself to feel some sympathy. What was happening to him? Where were all of these feelings coming from? How was it possible that the comments of one gossipy friend had him so shook up? He averted his eyes. This wasn’t good. He didn’t even know if what she’d said was true. What if it was a misunderstanding? What if Stan was entirely straight and Eric was sitting there letting himself have a little hope? He hated this. He wanted it to stop.

“The offer still stands if you want me to sleep on the couch out here with you,” Eric said quietly, unable to look at him.

Stan was quiet, considering it. He fell asleep out on the couch most nights with the TV on. The quiet of his room, the loneliness of it all, it was just too much. He hardly ever went in their room; he was only ever in there long enough to grab his clothes and shower in their bathroom. Her things were still all around, which felt like a knife to the heart every time he looked at them. He’d considered cleaning it out. Maybe tomorrow he would.

“Thanks, Eric. I’ve got to get past this, though. I’ve got to do this on my own.”

Eric lifted his eyes and shook his head, “No you don’t, Stan. How is there any universe where this is the kind of thing a person goes through alone? This is _exactly_ the type of situation friends are here for.”

Stan looked at him, a little surprised at the kindness of Eric’s statement. It was just about the most supportive thing he’d said thus far. His actions were always supportive, and he’d grown to appreciate and expect that, but kind words were few and far between. Actually, words in general seemed scarce; Eric mostly kept to himself when he wasn’t in charge of the kids. He really wasn’t sure what to say. Eric waited another moment before speaking again.

“If you want to do it alone that’s fine, but you don’t have to, okay? If you want me to come out in the living room just come wake me up. I don’t mind. You can crash in my bed if you want, too. It wouldn’t bother me. I mean, keep your hippie ass over on your side of the bed or whatever, but you can come in if it helps.”

Stan let out a surprised laugh before shaking his head, “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.”

Eric tapped his hand again before looking at his watch.

“Do you care if I lay Sean down now? I’ve got to get up crazy early tomorrow,” Eric asked, wanting out of the uncomfortable conversation.

“I can take care of it tonight if you’re tired. Go ahead and lay down,” Stan insisted.

“I don’t mind.”

“I know. I know you don’t, but it’s really alright. I’ve got to get that kid to bed on my own one of these days, right?” Stan offered him a smile.

Eric eyed him for a moment before deciding to accept his offer. He was pretty spent.

“Alright, Stan. Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Stan nodded at him and watched as Eric disappeared into his room. He let the kids watch TV for a while longer before getting them both to bed. Surprisingly, Sean didn’t put up much of a fight. He felt pretty good about it as he made his way back downstairs and cracked another beer. He was going to try and limit himself to three; that seemed to be the magic number to help him at least fall asleep without being entirely useless the next day. He flicked on the TV and settled into the couch, wanting to zone out. However, as he sat there, he couldn’t help but think about Eric’s offer. It felt a little strange, the idea of going in there and sleeping in his bed, but it was also pretty appealing. He was really tired of trying to sleep alone. Eric obviously wasn’t Nichole; it wasn’t the same thing. But he was a warm, living, breathing body in the bed beside him. He really longed for that.

He spent about two hours watching TV, deciding to turn it off once he’d finished his third beer. It was time to cut himself off. He sat there, taking note of how silent the house was. He considered pulling the throw blanket down from the back of the couch and trying to settle down there as he always did. However, he couldn’t stop thinking of how nice it would be to just go sleep in that comfortable bed with Eric. He decided he’d just give it a shot, quickly lifting his body from the couch and tiptoeing into Eric’s room. It was dark, only a little bit of moonlight shining in through the window. The ceiling fan whirred repetitively. Stan couldn’t help but feel a little nervous as he approached the bed and peeked at Eric, noting his deep, sleepy breaths. He was out.

He bit his lip as he slid as carefully under the blanket as he could beside him. He felt like if he breathed too loud Eric might wake and the whole thing would be ruined. He figured he meant it when he’d extended the invitation, but he also kind of worried Eric might lose his shit if he woke up and found Stan in the bed. He was known to be rough around the edges, to say the least. Honestly, his behavior lately had Stan a little confused. There was this sweetness to him he’d never noticed before; the way he was with his kids was phenomenal and the bite-sized kindnesses he handed out to Stan over the months hadn’t gone unnoticed. 

He laid there quietly, Eric’s back turned to him as he snoozed away. Once Stan was certain Eric was pretty solidly asleep he started to breathe a little easier, laying down close enough to Eric to feel a little heat radiating off of his body. He kind of wanted to nuzzle into him, but he knew better than to do that, so he settled in just close enough to feel him there without actually touching him. As he started to relax his heart beat and breath slowed and, for the first time since Nichole had gone, he fell into a deep, uninterrupted sleep.


	6. All I Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek senses something going on with Craig. Stan tries to take some steps forward. Eric starts to acknowledge his feelings for Stan.

Eric started to stir before his alarm went off. He shifted a bit, pulling the blankets up closer to his chin before peeking under them at his watch. It was only about ten more minutes or so until his alarm was set to wake him, so he let out a quiet groan as he reached out and shut it off. As he laid there trying to shake the sleep off, he noticed the sound of someone breathing beside him. He rolled over, surprised to see Stan fast asleep. It was pretty dark, but his eyes were adjusting and he could drink in the pleasant view. He was very cute when he was asleep and carefree. He kind of missed seeing that genuine calm in his friend; even though he’d improved, there was still a lot of doom and gloom around him at all times. He knew it had only been two months, though. Time would eventually heal those wounds.

After a few moments of indulgent staring, Eric decided to get out of bed as inconspicuously as he could. He gathered up an outfit and left the room to shower. He went through the familiar motions of getting ready for his day, brewing a cup of coffee to go. He snuck back into his room to grab his car keys, taking one last look at Stan before he left for work. The temptation was too great; he leaned down and gently kissed the top of his head, pausing to drink him in once more before heading out. Stan was none the wiser.

…

Tweek laid in bed staring at the ceiling of their darkened room. Craig was still asleep beside him, though their work days would be off in a hurry very soon. He’d been having trouble sleeping, the familiar darkness of overwhelming anxiety gripping his chest. He could tell something was going on with Craig; he suspected another affair. He was well aware of what had happened between him and Stan when they were in high school. He’d thought about leaving him, but had confronted him instead. When Craig confessed he’d seemed so genuinely repentant. He’d cried and begged Tweek not to leave, and Tweek was just so utterly consumed with devotion and love for him that he’d decided to work through it. The condition, of course, was that it would never happen again.

All of that had happened so long ago, but there were familiar behaviors manifesting in his husband that made him think he might not have been true. He was growing very distant, the sex was becoming infrequent. Half of the time he lost his erection and wasn’t able to perform. These were signs he remembered from before. Not to mention the other day. Tweek had decided he wanted to surprise Craig with lunch so he’d driven home only to find he wasn’t there. He worked from home and had no reason to be gone, but he’d called to ask where he was in the hopes that he had a good reason. He’d been unable to get a hold of him and he’d finally decided to return to his own job. Later, when he’d asked Craig about why he couldn’t get a hold of him, he said he was working and had his phone on silent. Lies. If nothing else was for certain, the fact that Craig was lying was.

Tweek’s hands were trembling as he clutched the comforter to his chest. The thought of losing Craig was almost more than he could bear. In a moment of utter panic, he quickly rolled over and started kissing Craig’s cheeks desperately. Craig was very out of it as he struggled to come to. No words were exchanged as he picked up on what was going on. He put his hand to the back of Tweek’s head and kissed him eagerly, rolling atop his husband. Tweek removed his pajama bottoms as Craig did the same. Craig broke their kiss and reached over to their nightstand for lubrication. He applied it and went back to making out with his nervous looking husband, both of them breathing heavily as it happened. Both of their hearts were beating fast, the only sounds in their room the shallow, rapid breaths exchanged. Fuck. Craig hadn’t been into it in a while with Tweek, but there was something so desperate and needy about him…he wanted it; he almost wanted to break him. It wasn’t long before they both climaxed and Craig got off of Tweek and dropped down to his back, trying to catch his breath. A long silence passed between them both.

“I love you so much…please don’t leave me,” Tweek said earnestly as he looked toward his distant husband.

Craig looked at him, guilt suddenly washing over him.

“Why are you saying that? I’m not going to leave you.”

Tweek looked him over, his hands trembling more. Craig noticed, so he rolled over onto his side and rested his own hand atop them. Oh no. His anxiety was through the roof. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He knew something was going on.

“I don’t want to go to work today,” Tweek explained, stress obvious in his voice.

Craig stared at Tweek trying his best to stuff down his guilt. He felt sick. What the hell was he doing? How could he hurt Tweek like this…again? Even if he never for sure knew, it was still hurting him. He hadn’t been this anxious in quite some time. Craig felt like he hated himself as he took in the sight. These were the consequences of his actions. It was so goddamn unfair to Tweek; sweet Tweek. The nicest person he’d ever met. 

“Stay here with me,” Craig said quietly as he slid his arm under Tweek’s neck and pulled him in close.

Tweek leaned into him as Craig realized his entire body was trembling. He wrapped his other arm around him and buried his face into his messy, blonde hair.

_Stay here. I still love you, so._

…

Stan knew he really ought to get some work done, but the idea had planted itself into his brain and he felt like he had to face it. He and Sean had been awake for a while, and he’d decided to gather up some old, empty bins out of the garage and just do it. They were in his room now, and he was staring at Nichole’s things on the countertop. They had to go. He couldn’t keep facing her things every day. He glanced down at Sean who kept attempting to get up onto his knees to crawl. He was very close, his little body rocking back and forth in an attempt to get moving.

“Here goes nothing, buddy,” he said as he started to place her stuff into one of the containers. 

It made him feel sicker than he’d thought it would as he quickly placed in item after item. Her toiletries all had smells that made him think of her, which was painful. He managed to get through it, though, and he eventually moved into their closet to fill up another bin with her clothing. As he made his way through them, he was struck by memories here and there. One sparkling, black dress definitely triggered him. She’d worn it to a Christmas party a few years back. She had been stunning, and it wasn’t long after Imani was born, so baby-free time between them had been a real rarity. He remembered how they’d snuck away from the rest of the party to smoke cigarettes and talk, with the whole thing ending with them having some really great sex against the wall outside. It had been exciting and intimate. Fuck. He missed her so goddamn much. He decided to leave the dress hanging as he neatly folded up the rest of her clothes and got them put away.

By the time he was through he found himself down on the floor in tears. It had been a while since he’d cried. All of the emotions he’d been trying to reign in were hitting him at once; he wailed desperately, leaning over the box of clothes for several minutes. After a while, he was surprised at the feel of a tiny hand touching his leg. He abruptly stopped crying, a little startled, wiping at his eyes and blinking them into focus. Oh shit! Sean had crawled over to him!

“Did you just crawl little man?” Stan asked, his voice cracking.

Sean was all smiles as he crawled around beside his father like it was something he’d been doing for years. Stan quickly retrieved his phone from his pocket and started filming. The crying had been a quick, intense release. Now he was very caught up in the moment, proud of his son. Once he’d captured the momentous event, he found himself texting the video to Eric. At least he had someone to share the moment with; he knew Eric would care.

…

Eric milled about from patient to patient, going through the motions. They didn’t really have anyone especially critical yet, but he was only half-way through his shift. He checked his watch, realizing it was about time for him to take his break. His back was hurting as he made his way into their break room, unsurprised to see Bebe in there pouring herself some coffee. He strode past her to retrieve his lunch from the fridge and had a seat at the table.

Bebe could tell she’d upset him the day before. She felt kind of bad. Sometimes it could be easy to forget that Cartman actually had feelings. He seemed so indifferent most of the time.

“Hey, Eric…? I’m sorry about what I said yesterday about Stan. It’s not really my business,” she offered as she sat down across from him.

“It’s fine, I’m not upset about it,” he shrugged as he picked at his sandwich. 

He wasn’t really all that hungry. He’d actually lost about ten pounds over the last couple of months; he’d been too busy and often forgot to eat. He was still pudgy, but the loss showed in his face quite a bit and he was feeling a little more confident about himself as a result.

“Well…still. I’m sorry.”

He tapped his hand on the table as he looked at her, “thank you.”

An awkward silence passed between them as Eric tried to decide whether he should talk or not. Bebe figured she’d better get back to work, but just before she stood up to leave Eric spoke.

“I think you’re right.”

She blinked at him, “about what?”

“About me and Stan. I’m _not_ in love with him…but…I could be, if I let myself. I’ve always felt… _something_ for him.”

He had to talk to someone about all of this. He just hoped to Christ Bebe wouldn’t gossip about it with anyone else. She was the only person he felt comfortable enough around to confide in, though, so he figured he’d better just take the gamble.

“Oh,” she mused as she settled into her chair, resting her chin in her hand.

Eric leaned back in his chair and sighed. He wanted to get it all of off his chest.

“I’ve always wanted to be like that with him…especially when we were younger. He married Nichole though…I never saw anything that made me think he was anything other than straight, so I let it go. Now…now that I know about this thing with Craig…I don’t know. It’s like, something’s cracked open inside of me. I want him…”

Bebe nodded, “it’s too soon. You have to be patient.”

He looked down at his hands, “I know. I’m just…I’m afraid I’m going let myself feel this way and get burnt in the end.”

Bebe’s face melted into sympathy. Christ. More pity.

“I’m so sorry, Eric. I really shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t mean to confuse you.”

Eric shrugged. What could he say? It was true. He was all fucking mixed up now. Bebe reached out and touched his knee, catching his eyes.

“I’m around if you need me. I’m not supposed to be on a break so I’ve gotta go, but let’s go out for some drinks sometime soon…?”

Eric nodded at her. She looked at him sympathetically for another moment before standing up and leaving him to his lunch. He pulled out his phone and screwed around on it while he forced his sandwich down. After several minutes, Bebe popped her head back in.

“Cartman…” she was semi-whispering.

“What is it now?” he asked, a little put off.

“Tweek and Craig are here. They got into a car crash. They’re both fine…Tweek’s arm is broken. Craig has some bad cuts. Do you want to go and treat him?”

Eric stood up, “Christ…really? Okay…”

He followed Bebe out into the patient area. Tweek was in a patient room on one side of the room. He spotted Craig on the other.

“I’ve got Tweek,” Bebe insisted as she headed toward his room.

Eric took in a deep breath and released it before heading over to the room Craig was in, shutting the privacy curtain around them as he entered.

“Christ, Tucker…what happened?” he asked as he started to survey his injuries. He didn’t look too bad.

“We were just going out to grab some lunch and this asshole hit us…it was so fast!” Craig sounded flustered. People who’d been in accidents often did.

Most of the cuts looked like they could just be sanitized and bandaged, but there was one on his upper arm that looked like it should be stitched. He didn’t say anything as he started to treat the wounds.

“Jesus…I’m fucking wired. Is Tweek okay?”

“Yes, he’s fine. Bebe said he has a broken arm.”

Craig let out a relieved sigh. As Eric gently treated his wounds he started to calm down. Despite the intense morning he’d been having with Tweek, being around Eric immediately pulled at him. It was involuntary, this thing he felt about Eric. He reached out and touched Eric’s arm. Cartman looked at him, realizing he was having some kind of moment. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“This isn’t a goddamn episode of Gray’s Anatomy. I can’t fuck you in the broom closet. I’ll be fired, asshole…” he grumbled, knowing all too well where Craig’s head was at.

Craig let out a laugh, “alright, alright. Sorry. I am happy to see you, though.”

“Your husband is right across the hall…” Eric said flatly.

“He can’t hear us from there.”

Eric shot him an exasperated look before whispering at him, “I don’t want to do this flirty thing with him around. It freaks me out. You can flirt with me tomorrow. I might even let you fuck me while Sean naps, but you need to shut the fuck up for now, alright?”

Craig smiled at him, entirely amused.

“Alright, fine. But only if you promise to let me have you tomorrow.”

Eric looked at the ceiling, grumbling under his breath.

“Yes, Tucker, I’ll let you, alright? Jesus…”

Craig smirked at him before leaning back, accepting his win. Eric finished bandaging the wounds he could, taking a step back.

“Alright…the doctor is going to want to stitch that one on your arm. He’ll be in shortly.”

Craig continued to smile at him like a goddamn moron. Eric rolled his eyes again before ripping the privacy curtain open and leaving the room. He couldn’t stand Craig sometimes. He walked fast over to the room Tweek was in and slid past the privacy curtain. Bebe was treating some of his cuts as they waited for a doctor to come deal with the arm.

“Hey, Tweek,” Eric said nonchalantly.

Tweek was trembling, one of his eyes blinking more rapidly than the other. He was a nervous wreck.

“You should ask the doc to give him something for his nerves,” Eric addressed Bebe.

She looked at him with wide eyes, “believe me, I know…”

Eric let out an amused puff of air before he addressed Tweek.

“You’re okay, dude. Settle down.”

“I-is Craig al-alright?” he stammered.

“Craig’s fine. He just has a few cuts, no big deal,” Eric assured him.

Tweek nodded, continuing to shiver. Eric couldn’t help but feel sorry for him as he looked him over. He had no clue he was having an affair with his husband. Actually seeing Tweek’s face made him feel a little guilty for his part in it. Though, he’d convinced himself that if it wasn’t him it would be someone else. Especially now that he knew he’d screwed around in the past.

“Alright, well…I just wanted to let you know Craig’s alright. I’m out,” he said, quickly passing through the privacy curtain and back out into the ER.

As he stepped out he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He was technically still supposed to be on a break, so he pulled it out and took a look. He had a text from Stan, which he promptly opened. He felt a small rush as he realized it was a video of Sean crawling around. Holy hell. The little guy finally did it! He couldn’t help but smile.

Ugh. All he wanted in the world was to go back home to Stan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really excited to see there is some traffic on this story! Thank you for reading :) feedback is always appreciated. I'm definitely trying to grow as a writer & it helps.


	7. More Than You Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Eric knock back a few beers and try to understand each other. Lots of fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the very kind reviews. I started this story totally unsure of where it would land, but I've planned it all out now. I think it will be good.

It had been a fairly chill day, but Eric still found himself feeling pretty tired as he trudged into the house. It was late, so he assumed the kids would already be to bed, which actually kind of bummed him out. He would’ve liked to have seen Sean crawling in person. Oh well, he had him all day tomorrow anyway. As he entered the house he found Stan watching TV on the couch as usual, a beer in hand. He looked up at him and smiled, though, which was both a little surprising and nice.

“Hi, Eric. How was your day?” Stan asked, turning the volume down on the TV.

“It was fine,” he said as he plopped down on the couch beside Stan and glanced at the TV, “what about you? How’d that meeting go with Imani’s teacher?”

“It was alright. She’s obviously been struggling with the academic stuff, but otherwise I guess she’s doing okay. She asked if I minded Imani seeing the counselor at school and letting her stay after school a couple days a week for some tutoring. I figure that all sounds fine.” 

Eric nodded. Imani and Stan were both seeing counselors once a week, but it couldn’t hurt to have her talk with someone at the school, too.

“Sounds like it’ll be okay,” Eric mused, rubbing his chin and looking toward the television.

“Anything interesting happen to you today?” Stan asked, feeling kind of social.

He’d already had two beers and he found himself wanting to connect. It was so lonely all of the time without Nichole around to talk to. Eric realized Stan was wanting to chat and decided he would oblige. He didn’t have to wake up early tomorrow, so he quickly got up and grabbed a beer from the fridge as he answered.

“Actually, yeah. Tweek and Craig got into a car accident. They’re both alright, but we had to treat them. Tweek got the worst of it; his arm broke and he was super fucking anxious afterward.”

“Ugh…fucking Craig…” Stan rolled his eyes as Eric sat back down.

Maybe he could draw it out of him and find out if the whole thing was true or not. He wanted to know if it was safe to let himself have feelings for Stan; he had to know if there was a shot.

“Oh? What’s your problem with Craig?” Eric asked, doing his best to sound like he didn’t really care.

Stan shook his head and trailed one of his fingers along the rim of his beer, “Nothing. He’s just an asshole. I’m glad they’re okay, though.”

Damn. It really felt like there was nowhere else to go with that. He let out a sigh and propped his elbow on the arm of the couch, resting his head into his hand. He sipped at his beer as they both kind of found themselves drawn into the TV for a while. It wasn’t long before Eric started to feel a little buzzed, his inhibitions dropping just enough to get him talking again.

“You know…I heard a rumor about you recently,” he said, catching Stan’s attention.

“What?” Stan asked, his face looking a little guarded.

“It’s nothing too bad. I just heard that you and Craig might’ve had a thing back in high school.”

Stan’s cheeks flushed, “a thing?” he asked cautiously.

“Yeah…you know…a sex thing.”

Stan lowered his eyes and let out a nervous laugh, “Where in the hell did you hear that?”

Eric felt kind of bad. He could tell Stan was flustered. He wasn’t trying to tease him, he just wanted to know. He had to try and make him feel more comfortable.

“Bebe said Craig told her about it. It’s okay if you did, Stan…it doesn’t bother me. She just told me about it and I was curious whether it was true or not?”

“Does it matter if it’s true?” Stan asked, looking back up at Eric.

“How do you mean?” Eric wasn’t sure how to respond.

“I mean…would you want to move out or something?”

Eric let out a nervous laugh, “No, Stan. I wouldn’t move out. I invited you to sleep in my bed last night, it obviously doesn’t bother me.”

“You knew about it then?” Stan asked, relaxing a bit.

“Yeah. Bebe told me a couple of days ago.”

Eric and Stan looked each other over for a moment before Eric continued.

“So, it’s true then?”

Stan nodded, leaning back into the arm of the couch and facing Eric, “Yeah. It’s true.”

Eric decided to lean back into the arm on his side of the couch, facing Stan as well, “So…what happened, then?”

Stan shrugged, “I dunno. Me and Wendy split and I felt pretty free being cut loose from that. Craig and I started hanging out. I knew he was gay and I was a little curious about it. I didn’t start it, though. I knew he and Tweek were together and they had been for so long, but then one day we were hanging out at Stark’s and he just…he kind of went after me, I guess. We fooled around and then it just kind of kept happening for a while. The guilt got to be too much for me, though, so I called it off. I felt too bad about Tweek.”

Eric nodded, raising his eyebrows as he took another swig of his beer, “Yeah. I get that.”

More than you know.

Stan looked down into his lap and shook his head, “Fucking Bebe. She always knows everything.”

Eric laughed, “That she does.”

Stan raised his eyes again, his face looking a lot more relaxed, “So, this really doesn’t bother you? I can still sleep in your bed? I haven’t slept that good in a really long time. I felt so much better today.”

Eric crossed his legs and leaned forward, “I can tell you feel a lot better. It’s fine, Stan. You can sleep in my bed still.”

Stan looked relieved. Eric was fiddling his hands together in his lap as he continued to talk.

“I guess I might as well let you know, since I know this about you now.”

Stan looked at him curiously, figuring he was going to drop some diabolical scheme into his lap or something, “what’s up?”

“I’m gay,” he said awkwardly, his large hazel eyes meeting Stan’s. He felt especially vulnerable, even though he was pretty sure Stan would be fine with it.

“Oh…you are? Really? Damn dude…how the hell have we been friends this long and not been okay telling each other this stuff?” Stan asked, a disappointed look on his face.

Eric shrugged, “To be fair, I don’t tell anyone anything ever.”

Stan raised his eyebrows and nodded his head, “I’ve noticed that.”

Eric offered him a timid smile. It felt nice to connect with Stan like this, as scary as it could be. He was grateful for the alcohol. It definitely helped.

“I told Kyle back when I moved in here,” he suddenly laughed, in disbelief that he’d discussed it with his enemy before he had his friend.

“What? You told Kyle? Wow,” Stan was teasing him. 

Eric laughed again, putting his hand to his head, “Yeah. I know. He was all on my case though. He thought I was up to a scheme here. He was threatening to kick my ass if I fucked with you and the kids. Christ. He still thinks I’m the person I was when I was fucking nine years old.”

Stan took a sip of his beer and smiled at Eric before responding, “you know…I have to admit, Cartman…I don’t know if any of us actually feel like we know who you are. You never, like, talk to us. What are you like now? I’ve been trying to figure you out since you got here.”

Eric shrugged, “I don’t know. I mean…what do you want to know?”

“Well…like…I don’t know. I guess…I mean…well, for starters, what are your plans here? Like, do you have a plan? Are you going to get a house? Are you dating anyone? Do you have any hobbies? Do you have any dreams you’re working toward?”

Eric raised his eyebrows, “That’s a lot of questions, Marsh.”

“I know. But, I’m realizing you and I don’t really know shit about each other and that sucks. We should know each other better.”

Eric couldn’t help but smile at him a little, “Okay. I’ll play. Um…well, I’m saving. I figure I’ll eventually buy a house. I am not _really_ dating anyone, but I do have someone I fool around with. I write and I draw sometimes.”

Stan nodded, “So…why not buy a house or get an apartment now? That’s something that I’ve really been trying to understand. I mean, what you’re doing here is just about the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me, but that day in the hospital you told me you would get more out of it than me. What did you mean? Why do you want to be here?”

Eric rested his head into the cushion of the couch, a sadness creeping over his face. Stan kept his eyes fixated on him as he spoke hesitantly.

“I don’t want to be alone. The thought of buying a house and then just sitting in it by myself sounds fucking awful. I like coming home to you guys. It makes me feel like I’m a part of a family. I know I’m not really, but it feels that way. I never really had that. My mom…she’s just fucked up. You know.”

Stan reached out and briefly touched Eric’s knee, though he quickly retracted it. He was drunk. That was too much. He cleared his throat and started to talk.

“Eric…you are a part of our family at this point. Imani loves you. I think she likes you better than me sometimes. Even when you move out, you have to be in our lives. She needs you…shit…I need you around. Having you here has been the only thing that has made any of this bearable.”

_When_ I move out.

“Yeah…” Eric’s voice trailed off as he continued to rest his head against the couch.

This must’ve been why Eric never talked. He looked so sad. He obviously carried around a lot of pain with him.

“Have you ever been with anyone seriously?” Stan suddenly asked, “If you don’t want to live alone you must want to settle down with someone?”

“No. I haven’t.”

Stan looked at him, expecting more of an explanation. Eric was stubborn, though, so Stan had to prod a little more.

“Why not?”

“Because, relationships are messy. I’ve seen the way people treat each other. They fuck around on each other. They fight. They stop loving each other, or even worse they start hating each other. The beginning part looks nice, but I’ve seen enough to know it’s only temporary.”

“It’s not always like that,” Stan said quietly, catching Eric’s attention. He met his gaze.

“What do you mean?” Eric asked, realizing he’d touched a nerve.

“I mean, it wasn’t like that with me and Nichole. We were good, you know? We were really good. She was my best friend. She was a really good mom. She was fucking fantastic in the bedroom. It was just…it was everything people think of when they want to get married, I guess. We fought once in a while; even really, really intensely sometimes. But we always got through it. We always still loved each other. That’s part of what makes it all so confusing, you know? How could it have been that bad and she didn’t feel safe enough telling me? Why didn’t I see it coming?”

Eric couldn’t help himself; he reached out and grabbed Stan’s hand. Stan allowed him to do it, and they sat there that way for a few minutes.

“I’m so sorry, Stan. I wish I had some answers for you.”

Stan smiled softly, “It’s okay. That’s life, isn’t it? It’s hard.”

Eric nodded in agreement, “Pretty much.”

Stan gently took his hand back and looked sincerely at Eric, “My point, Cartman, is that you shouldn’t be so cynical. Love can be good. It can be really, really good.”

As Eric looked him over he felt a small pit forming in his stomach. In that moment, he believed him.

Stan took a final swig of his beer and set it down, “I should probably go to bed. I have work tomorrow,” he offered.

“Yeah, I’m tired,” Eric agreed.

They glanced at each other one more time before Eric got off of the couch and went to brush his teeth and change into his pajamas. Stan did the same, his head a little mixed up. He felt really drunk as he readied himself. Christ, he really missed Nichole. But also…Eric was gay? Eric was gay. Did that mean anything? He found himself pondering it as he went through the familiar routine of getting ready for bed. What was all of that just now? The hand holding? The sincerity? The honesty and kindness? Was that who Eric Cartman was, or was it a show? He couldn’t tell sometimes. Although, he had to admit, Eric was definitely more himself with Stan than he was with Kenny or Kyle. Things between them had always felt sincere, even when they fought. There had always been something there…respect? Admiration? He wasn’t sure. But it definitely was something.

Once he was finished getting ready he made his way downstairs and into Eric’s room. Eric was laying on his back scrolling on his phone. Stan made his way over to the bed and settled in; it was a little more awkward because Eric was awake this time. He could tell Eric felt the same. He decided to just close his eyes and try to ignore it. It really was nice to be beside him.

Eric scrolled through his phone for a couple more minutes before leaning over and placing it on the charger. He laid down on his side, facing Stan. Stan looked like he was starting to drift off, but Eric was a little surprised when his eyes popped open. He felt a little panicked that he’d been caught looking at him, but settled down a little as Stan offered him a smile.

“Sorry…this is more awkward when we’re both awake,” he said quietly, letting out a laugh.

Eric smiled back at him, “It’s fine, Stan. It’s fine.”

Stan bit his lip and pulled the covers up to his chin, looking back up at Eric.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“All of it. You’ve been amazing. I appreciate it more than you know.”

Eric reached out and placed his hand on Stan’s arm, squeezing affectionately for just a second before dropping it.

“You’re welcome. I’m happy to do it.”

Stan smiled at him once more before nodding and closing his eyes. Eric watched him for another moment before resting his hand under his cheek and closing his own eyes, ready for sleep. As he started to drift off he felt Stan scoot closer to him, resting his head against his chest just beneath his chin. He pretended he was still asleep, but his stomach was full of butterflies. 

It definitely felt like there was a chance.


	8. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric tries to end things with Craig.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut has a purpose to the story, honest ;)

Craig parked his car and strode up to Stan’s place. His back was a little sore from the accident, but otherwise he was doing alright. Tweek had decided to go into work, even though his arm was broken, which was a relief to Craig. He’d thought he was going to have to call this thing off with Eric, which he definitely didn’t want to do. There wasn’t really a good excuse to leave the house long enough for them to rendezvous otherwise.

He knocked on the door and stood back, not planning to ravage Eric this time. He knew he had the baby today and he would respect that. As Eric opened the door Craig flashed him a charismatic smile.

“Hello,” he said confidently as he entered the house, shutting the door behind him.

“Hey…” Eric said, a little edge to his voice as he went back to the living room.

“Man…this little dude is all over the place now…it’s goddamn exhausting,” Eric whined as he picked up the baby.

Craig removed his jacket and slung it over the back of the couch, assessing the situation. The living room was kind of a mess. He and Tweek had chosen not to do the whole kid thing, so this was pretty much a foreign experience to him.

“Uh…can I do anything to help you?” he asked, though he hoped not. He was clueless.

“No, it’s fine. I’m about to put him down, just give me a little while. You’re kind of early,” he insisted as he warmed up a bottle of formula.

Craig hung back, sitting down on the arm of the couch and looking around. Eric looked like he knew fairly well what he was doing as he prepared the baby and disappeared upstairs to put him down. Craig stood up and started to peruse the house a bit. There were some photographs on the wall of Stan and his family. There was one picture collage that had some nice ones of his wedding day with Nichole, some pictures of the kids when they were born, and then a few from what looked like vacations. He considered Stan’s situation as he looked on. It must’ve felt awful to lose his wife like that. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if something like that happened to Tweek. That was the thing; even though he was sneaking around on him, the thought of losing him was a lot to take. Not to mention, the thought of Tweek sneaking around on him would definitely set him off. He knew he was hypocrite; he just couldn’t bring himself to do anything to rectify it.

He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard Eric coming down the stairs and sighing.

“Holy shit I’m beat. It’s way more work watching him now that he’s on the move. He was getting into everything today…” he vented as he opened the fridge and pulled out some strawberries. He was trying to make healthier eating decisions.

“Do you want some coffee or something?” Eric asked as he milled about, pulling a couple of cups down before Craig could answer him.

“Yeah, sure. That sounds good,” he said as he approached the island and had a seat at one of the barstools.

Eric poured some old coffee out of the pot and added some cream to it before placing them down on the island and sitting beside Craig.

“So…what’s up then. What are we doing here?” Eric asked impatiently.

He really just wanted to zone out while he had a break. Unfortunately, he had this whole mess with Craig to deal with now.

Craig shrugged, “I don’t know. I guess I thought we could talk?”

Eric took a sip of his coffee, looking around uncomfortably. Christ. He really didn’t want to talk with Craig. What the hell was there to talk about? He had absolutely no desire to connect with him the way he had with Stan last night. That was nice; Stan felt safe. Craig, on the other hand, was something else entirely.

“About what?” Eric asked, a tone of resignation.

Craig shrugged again, a little dejected. Fuck. This was ridiculously awkward.

Eric stared at him; he looked both tired and frustrated. He tapped his hand on the counter impatiently before rolling his eyes and speaking up.

“What’s your deal, Tucker? Why do you want to do this? Don’t you feel bad for Tweek? Shit. _I_ felt fucking bad for Tweek when I saw him yesterday. He’s a goddamn nervous wreck.”

Craig looked down at the counter, a frustrated look on his face. He shifted uncomfortably and scratched at the back of his head, looking up at the ceiling briefly before answering.

“I do feel bad for Tweek. I really do. He’s probably the nicest person I’ve ever met,” he explained.

Eric blinked at him, waiting for more details. Craig swallowed.

“It’s just that…I’m…restless I guess? I don’t know. We’ve been together most of my life. I never really saw what else was out there, you know? It’s not just sex. It’s everything. He’s simple and easy. He’s kind and thoughtful. But…I don’t know…I guess I just kind of feel like I’d be better with someone different. Someone a little more complicated, if that makes sense.”

Eric rolled his eyes again, “Jesus. You’re just bored, Craig. That’s pretty fucked up.”

He pinched his lips together for a second and shrugged, “Maybe it is, but it’s true. I want out, but I also don’t want to hurt him.”

Eric let out a sigh, taking another sip of his coffee and mulling it over.

“Listen, Craig…I know you said you want to get to know me better and all, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea, alright? It’s not going to go anywhere. I just wanted someone to fuck and this feels like it’s starting to get complicated. I’m not going to love you…I don’t even really like you, honestly. I think you’re hot and I like hooking up, but that’s where it ends for me.”

Craig nodded, tracing the rim of his cup with his finger.

“Well…then let’s just keep doing what we’ve been doing. I can keep things separated.”

Eric shook his head, “I don’t think so, Craig. I think we’d better just stop. You’ll find someone else to fuck around with. You’ll be fine.”

Craig eyed him. There was something to this, he was sure of it.

“You know about me and Stan, don’t you?” he asked.

Eric looked up at the ceiling, entirely frustrated.

“Yes, Craig. I do. But that’s not why I’m…”

“Then what? Are you really _that_ freaked about me asking to get to know you a little? It’s not like I said I love you…I don’t. I just thought maybe we could do a little more together than just sex.”

Craig stood up and wedged his body between Eric’s legs, locking eyes with him. Eric quickly looked away and explained further.

“I’m not freaked out because I’m scared or anything, I just don’t want that. We don’t want the same things anymore and I just think it would be better if we knocked it off. Besides…I’m not down for the pile of shit you’re headed for. Tweek is going to find out, Craig. It’s only a matter of time, and then you’re in for it. I don’t want any part of it.”

Craig wrapped his arms around his neck, trying to get his attention. Eric relented and locked eyes with him. Craig pressed his forehead against his and spoke quietly.

“Is it Stan?”

Christ almighty. Why did everyone keep asking him about Stan? Was it that goddamn obvious that he liked him? Eric grit his teeth and didn’t answer, which was enough to tell Craig everything he needed to know.

“How about this,” he said softly, sliding his hands down to Eric’s waist, “how about we just forget what I said. Let’s just keep doing this for now. You’re right…eventually things have to end with me and Tweek, and when that day comes I’ll handle it. I’ll keep your name out of it. And if something happens between you and Stan before then, I’ll leave you alone. But can we please just have each other in the meantime? I don’t want anyone else right now. I just want you.”

He slid his hand down the front of Eric’s pants; he knew damn well he could manipulate him with sex if he really wanted to. Eric shut his eyes and let out a frustrated whine.

“Craig…” he started to protest.

“Please? It’ll be fine…I can compartmentalize. This can just be sex for me, I promise,” he whispered as he worked on Eric.

Eric continued to hold his forehead against Craig’s, his eyes shut as he tried to figure out what he wanted to do. He breathed in sharply as Craig fervently kissed him, pressing himself closer. Goddamnit. It was so hard to say no.

“Okay,” he breathed out, entirely out of his mind with desire by this point.

“Okay,” Craig whispered back, removing his hand and pulling in Eric for another kiss.

They continued to kiss with increasing desperation as Craig backed Eric into his room, making sure to close the door as they always did. He laid him down on the bed, breaking their kiss for a moment.

“You said I could have you today…” he reminded.

Eric nodded, his cheeks flushed. As Craig went to fish some lube out of the nightstand Eric couldn’t help but feel a little sick to his stomach. What the hell was he doing? Why couldn’t he just end this bullshit and be done with it? He knew damn well he was being manipulated, but he felt entirely helpless about it; a feeling he really resented. As Craig got back on top of him and started to have his way with him, Eric felt an exasperating mixture of pleasure and rage. He felt like he hated him, but he also wanted him to keep doing everything he was doing. It was intense, infuriating, and horribly pleasurable all at once. Once they were through, Craig collapsed on top of him, burying his face into his neck.

“Fuck you, Craig. Fuck you…you goddamn asshole,” Eric whispered angrily at him.

Craig knew he was pissed. He knew that Eric was aware he was being controlled, and he also knew Eric well enough to know that was just about the worst thing in the world for him to feel. The truth of it was, though, he really just didn’t care so long as this could continue. He got off of him and redressed, leaving Eric behind in his agitated state. Now he would go home to Tweek and act like nothing had happened at all. He had it all under control. Everything would continue on for now. He’d handle the rest of it later.


	9. Be With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months have passed and Stan is beginning to develop feelings for Eric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) This chapter has shaped up to be one of my favorites. I hope it is enjoyable!

“Alright, little dude. This is happening. You are a one year old now and we are figuring this out,” Eric insisted as he plopped Sean into his car seat. 

He immediately started to wail as he’d always done since he was a baby, which Eric was obviously prepared for. Stan was decorating the house for Sean’s birthday party and had asked him to take Sean out so that he and Imani could get it done faster. He figured he’d go grab a latte and hit a park to let the kiddo burn off some energy. He was practically running at this point, and even talking here and there.

“Okay,” he said, rubbing his hands together for a moment as he surveyed the situation, “hmmmm…let’s try some music.”

He plugged his iPod into the auxiliary and backed out of the driveway. He scrolled through as he drove slowly out of the neighborhood. He played a few seconds of a variety of songs as they drove, none of which seemed to please the tiny, angry little human in the back seat.

“We’re going to figure this out, Sean…I’m seriously…it’s happening,” he said in a determined voice.

Pop music? No go. Techno? Nope. Reggae? Hard no. Maybe some over-the-top German heavy metal might do it? Wait for it…

Eric peeked into the rearview mirror, an overly excited look on his face as Sean started to settle down. He was blinking and staring.

“Damn, dude…really?” Eric let out a laugh as he cranked up the metal.

Sean looked entirely mesmerized as they drove onward. Holy shit. He’d finally found something that helped with the car seat situation! No wonder Stan’s attempts at singing lullabies hadn’t work. Sean was a little beast! Eric nodded his head to the music as he drove ahead, prouder of himself than he’d been in forever.

…

Stan stood back, checking out the way everything looked for the party. It was pretty good.

“Sean will like it, Daddy,” Imani said happily as she stood beside him, a triumphant look on her cute little face.

“Yeah, I think it’s good,” he said happily as he put his hand on her shoulder.

“Grandma and Grandpa will be here soon, right?”

She must’ve already asked him that twelve times since she’d woken up. She was so excited, mostly because it was her friends coming to the party. Sean was obviously too small to care about it, but it also felt important to do something for him. 

“Yes, honey…they’ll be here any minute,” he assured her as he pulled out his phone to text Eric and let him know he could bring Sean home.

He bit his lip and smiled as he did so, wondering how bad the car ride was. It had been about five months since Eric moved in and things were continuing to go really well. Stan had to admit that something was shifting between them. They’d been sharing a bed for about three months now, and he’d actually even been able to quit drinking before bed. Though there were still times it hurt profoundly to think of Nichole, the pain was also starting to numb out a bit. He found that there were days, sometimes even weeks, where he could get by without dwelling on it. 

Admittedly, a lot of his headspace was starting to be occupied with thoughts of Eric. He hadn’t said as much, but he was starting to develop some real feelings for him. They spent a lot more time talking to each other than they had in the beginning, and they were starting to have a lot of little inside jokes and things of that nature. When they laid down for bed together it was pretty intimate, too. At first, Stan had waited for Eric to fall asleep to cuddle him and enjoy the feel of a warm body beside him, but as time had worn on Eric started to pull him close before drifting off. It gave Stan butterflies in his stomach every time, and night after night it grew harder and harder to stop himself from just kissing him and disappearing into his presence. He had a strong sense that the feelings were mutual, but he also felt conflicted about the timing of it all. Was it okay to try and pursue a relationship five months out? What would Imani think? Would she be angry and feel that he was trying to replace her mother? Or would she be happy to know Eric could stay?

He just couldn’t be sure. There wasn’t exactly a guidebook for navigating life after the death of your spouse, let alone when she committed suicide. It was horribly confusing. He knew he could continue on with the way things were for a bit longer, but he also realized that at some point one of them was going to have to budge. The temptation was almost beyond what Stan could suppress as it was; he imagined Cartman may have been experiencing something similar.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, interrupting Stan’s thoughts. He quickly went to answer it, happy to see his parents. He greeted them and noticed Eric pulling back into the driveway with Sean.

“Oh, there’s Sean,” Stan said as he nodded toward the car.

They all walked over as Stan inquired about the ride.

“So, how was it? Did he scream the whole time?”

Eric held up his iPod and shook it at him, “I’ve figured it out! He is not down with your lullabies, Stan. He’s a heavy metal baby.”

“What?” Stan let out an amused laugh, “What the hell are you talking about Cartman?”

“I put on this crazy, German heavy metal band and he freakin’ loved it. He was super quiet. You’re welcome!” he said as he rested his elbow on Stan’s shoulder, watching as Sharon pulled Sean from the car seat to coo at him.

“Oh my God…that’s hilarious,” Stan admitted, folding his arms across his chest.

“Yep. It’s okay, you can say it, I’m a goddamn hero,” Eric bragged.

Stan rolled his eyes, but he was being good-humored about it. Honestly, he would listen to anything in the car if it got his child to stop crying. He was going to have to download whatever the heck it was he put on for him.

The day went along pretty smoothly. They’d all gone inside and chatted about mostly nonsense until the guests arrived. Kyle showed up with his wife and kids, as did Kenny and his wife and daughter. Bebe and her husband also brought their little girl, which thrilled Imani. It was loud and jovial in the house as the children played and the adults hung out. Stan and Eric kept the party moving along, ending it with Sean smashing into a little cake and making a tremendous mess of himself. Eric made sure to take pictures and video the whole time, which didn’t go unnoticed by anyone. Stan felt like his stomach was constantly filled with butterflies as he grew fonder of Eric, appreciating how much effort he was putting into making sure things went smoothly. Stan’s parents and friends also picked up on the chemistry between them; at this point, it was pretty hard to miss. They were just plain fond of each other and it showed.

After the cake was over and Stan got Sean cleaned up and into a fresh outfit, a movie was put on for the kids and the adults moved into the backyard to have a few drinks and talk in a more quiet, calm environment. It had been difficult to do a whole lot of talking with all of the noise the kids were making, not to mention the effort of keeping the party moving. Sharon decided to hang around in the kitchen and wait for Stan to get Sean back down with the rest of the kids before she moved outside with everyone else. Once he came downstairs and set Sean down, he asked Imani to look out for him and then walked into the kitchen to grab himself a beer, smiling affectionately at his mom.

She walked up close and spoke softly to him.

“Stan, I’ve noticed you seem a lot happier lately,” she began, smiling reassuringly toward him.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I’ve been pretty good,” he said as he popped the top off of the beer bottle, taking a sip of it and looking his mom over. 

She looked like she wanted to ask him something, so he decided to stand still and give her his attention.

“I can’t help but notice you and Eric seem pretty close…?” she prodded.

“Oh,” he said before letting out a laugh, “is there something you want to ask me, Mom?”

She shrugged, playing innocent, “I don’t know…is there?”

He looked behind him real quick, making sure Imani wasn’t listening in on them. She seemed pretty occupied with the TV and her friends, so he turned his attention back to his mom.

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

She tilted her head and smiled at him, “It’s okay if there is, Stanley…you know that, right? You’re allowed to move on.”

He leaned back against the island and set his beer down, folding his arms as he spoke quietly.

“Is it? It’s only been five months. I feel kind of…guilty.”

She walked up beside him and leaned herself against the island as well, wanting to reassure her son.

“It doesn’t matter how long it has or hasn’t been. What matters is whether or not _you_ feel ready to move on, not what other people think is appropriate.”

He nodded. He’d been battling himself over his feelings for a few weeks now, it seemed.

“Do you think he likes me too?” he asked, a little nervous. It had been so long since he’d had to worry about stuff like this.

Sharon smiled, “Stan…I’ve thought he’s had feelings for you from the beginning. If he didn’t then, he certainly does now. He’s always looking at you in this kind of…way.”

Stan felt the familiar ache of nerves and desire deep in his stomach. 

“Really?”

Sharon nodded at him, “I’m pretty sure. You know…you guys should all go out tonight. We could watch Imani and Sean…I’d be willing to bet your friends’ spouses wouldn’t mind letting you all catch up. It could be fun…and it could give you and Eric a chance to connect without all of the worries about childcare…?”

She’d been suggesting some time off for months and he’d never taken it. Perhaps it was time. He tapped his finger on his arm as he mulled it over. Time out with his friends did sound pretty nice.

“Yeah, okay…why don’t we go out and ask the others if they want to go?”

Sharon felt like she wanted to leap for joy, but she contained herself. She was over the moon to have the opportunity to have her grandkids again, and she was genuinely excited for Stan. It had been really wonderful to see him smiling and joyful again. It had felt like she’d never see that side of him again for a while there.

The two of them made their way outside; Eric and Kyle looked like they were butting heads a little.

“It’s just too easy, Kyle…I can’t help it!” Eric defended himself.

Kyle’s face was flustered, but everyone else looked amused; even his wife.

“I am not…you’re just a dick!” Kyle argued, though he wasn’t overly angry; just irritated.

“You are pretty easy to get worked up, Kyle,” Kenny teased, feeding the fire between them.

Stan rolled his eyes, “Ah, Jesus…are you two going at it already?”

“He started it,” Kyle insisted, sounding like a child.

Eric held up his hands, his eyes wide as he played totally innocent. Stan smirked at him.

“Well, whatever you two are bickering about knock it off. My mom just offered to take my kids for the night so we can go grab some drinks…do you guys want to come?”

“Oooh! Yes, please!” Bebe said excitedly. It had been forever since she’d had a night out with friends. She turned to her husband and spoke as sweetly as she could, “Can you watch the kiddo tonight, pleeeeassssseee?”

He smiled at her and rolled his eyes playfully, “Yes, that’s fine.”

Kyle and Kenny looked at their wives, who both agreed to watch their respective children. 

“Sweet,” Eric said as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, “When should we go?”

“Go on now!” Sharon insisted, waving her arms. She wanted her grandbabies to herself. Randy was pretty happy to hear they would have them, too.

Stan couldn’t help but be amused at how eager his mom was to take the kids.

“Alright…you guys want to go now?” Stan asked, looking his friends over.

“Yes!” Bebe said enthusiastically.

Eric couldn’t help but smile at her. She was a party animal and gossiper. This was just about her favorite thing in the world. Kyle and Kenny got the okay from their wives, so they all said their goodbyes and made their way into the house. Stan let Imani know he was going out for a while, which didn’t seem to faze her. She was in heaven hanging out with her friends, eating junk, and watching TV. He gave her a quick kiss on the head and made his way back to the group.

“So, who’s driving then?” Stan asked.

“I think we should get a rideshare,” Bebe insisted; she wanted all of her friends to be able to drink as much as they wanted.

Randy was in the kitchen grabbing a beer. They had an SUV, he figured he could take them all. One of them would just have to squeeze in and not buckle up, that was all.

“I can take you kids if you want,” he offered.

“There’s too many of us,” Stan protested.

“Ah, it’s fine. You guys will just have to squeeze in the back.”

They all kind of looked at each other and shrugged.

“Alright…I guess we can do that. Thanks, Dad.”

“Yeah, no worries,” he said as he grabbed his keys and left his beer on the counter. They all followed him outside to his vehicle.

“Eric should sit up front…he still has the fattest ass,” Kyle remarked as they approached the SUV.

Eric rolled his eyes, “Fuck you, Kyle. Seriously.”

Kenny shrugged, “it’s true, dude. You do have the fattest ass.”

Eric let out a grumble, but he also knew his friends weren’t wrong. It didn’t make sense for him to squeeze into the back.

“I want to sit up front…otherwise I’m going to be sitting on one of your laps and I’m just not into it,” Bebe countered. She really meant it.

“You can sit in my lap!” Kenny half-joked.

Bebe rolled her eyes, but also winked at him playfully when she’d finished.

Stan peered into the SUV. It really was a tight squeeze. Someone probably would have to sit on someone’s lap.

“Well…in that case, who’s sitting on Cartman’s lap because he still has the fattest ass?” Kyle teased. There was no way in hell _he_ was sitting on Cartman’s lap, that was for sure.

Bebe smirked at them all as she hopped into the front seat and got comfortable, making a big show of how nice and roomy it was as the boys figured out their seating arrangement.

“Christ, you guys are such goddamn babies,” Eric grumbled again as he slid across the back and settled in near the window.

Stan didn’t bother to say anything as he went in after him, plopping down onto his lap and gesturing for the other two to get in the car. They glanced at each other before shrugging and piling in; Kenny sat in the middle. Eric was blushing furiously as he felt the weight of Stan’s small body in his lap. He really was happy it played out that way, but he was also so fucking nervous about it. Kyle and Kenny glanced at him; they’d noticed the tension between them earlier in the day, too. Neither of them quite knew what to do with it. Kyle felt very protective of Stan and suspicious of Cartman’s intentions with him, so he was a little flustered. Kenny thought it was great; he fully intended to encourage it if he got the chance. Bebe was already aware and, as Randy glanced in the rearview mirror at his son, he understood what was happening there, too. Stan had his phone out and he was pretending like it didn’t faze him to be in that situation, but inside his stomach was lit up. 

Nobody really said anything as they drove on, all of them kind of wanting to save it for when they’d gotten a buzz and Stan’s dad wasn’t around anymore. Stan leaned downward, hoping not to be spotted by a cop and getting them pulled over. His face was so close to Eric’s, he felt like he could just die. He kind of moved his face a little bit away, leaning back into the seat; of course, that meant more of his body was leaning against Eric’s. Christ; his stomach hurt so bad. Eric, on the other hand, was entirely preoccupied with what he should do with his hands. There was nowhere to rest them with Stan in his lap. As much as he wanted to lay one down on his leg, he couldn’t bring himself to do it, so he awkwardly held it up in the air just above his leg for quite some time. Kenny noticed and had to stop himself from laughing at the awkwardness of it all.

Eric shot him an irritated look as he met his eyes, realizing he thought it was amusing. He finally shoved his hand down onto the seat, jamming it close to his own hips. It was awkward, but it worked. Both he and Stan felt incredibly relieved as they arrived at the bar and were able to get out of the car.

“Thanks, Dad,” Stan said as he waved goodbye at him.

The rest of them also thanked Randy as they made their way into the bar, piling around a table off in the corner. Stan made sure to sit beside Eric, and Kyle made sure to sit beside Stan so he could keep tabs on what was going on between them both. It took a while for everyone to loosen up, but as the drinks got flowing the group got more rowdy. They talked about work, their kids, and their spouses for the most part. Stan and Eric were both very engaged in the conversations and Eric and Kyle actually were able to make nice for the most part. Eventually, the conversation got onto goals and ambitions, which naturally led the curious group of friends to start prodding at Eric and Stan.

“So, what about you, Eric? Are you saving up for a house or something?” Kyle asked, curious about how much longer he was planning to stay with Stan.

“Oh, uh…I mean, I have been saving. I don’t know…I guess I don’t really have any solid plans,” he explained. Stan already knew why he didn’t have a house, but he wasn’t about to share that with the whole table.

Bebe gave him a sympathetic look. She knew damn well he wanted to stay with Stan. She found herself wondering how that was going and whether or not the thing with Craig was still happening, but she knew it wasn’t appropriate to bring it up in front of everyone else, especially not Stan. She took a mental note to check in with Eric the next time their shifts overlapped. 

“Are you seeing anyone?” Kenny asked curiously. He knew he wasn’t, but he also kind of wanted to poke at him; it was obvious he was into Stan.

“Noooo. Jesus. You guys are nosy…knock it off,” he laughed at the end, a little amused; the buzz was helping him keep it light.

“What about you, Stan…how are you holding up? I’ve been wanting to ask you, but it always felt like, kind of wrong…?” Bebe asked, wanting to shift the conversation away from Eric. He was grateful for it.

“I’m doing okay. I mean…it still sucks massively, obviously, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to get through the days lately.”

Bebe nodded, offering him a sympathetic smile, “That’s good. You seem like you’re feeling better. That’s a start, right?”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” he acknowledged as he took a swig of his drink, “hey…I’m going to go outside and just get some air real quick…I’ll be back.”

He stood up and touched Eric’s arm, “Come with me.”

Eric swallowed, a pit forming in his stomach. What was he up to?

“Okay…” he said, a questioning tone in his voice.

Kyle watched, a little frustrated, as Stan and Eric made their way out the side entrance of the bar. It opened up into an alleyway, offering a little privacy for smokers.

“What’s up?” Eric asked as he the door shut behind them. They were alone.

Stan shrugged, “I don’t know…I just kind of wanted to get away from them for a little while.”

Stan leaned up against the wall, his blue eyes fixated on Eric. He was very buzzed and his inhibitions were down. He couldn’t help but drink in the sight of him. He’d thinned out quite a bit, though he was still pleasantly pudgy. He had a really handsome, yet also cutesy kind of face. His brown hair was gelled to the side. He looked great.

Eric felt a little crushed under Stan’s intense gaze. He was also fairly buzzed, and he was suddenly so self conscious. Stan was perfect in every way he could imagine. What did he think when he looked at him like that? He stepped forward, his hands deep in the pockets of his jacket.

“What is it, Stan?” Eric asked quietly as he stepped a little closer, stopping just a few inches away from him.

Stan felt his heart start to race and his stomach drop. His breathing grew a little shallow as his nerves ran rampant.

“I can’t stop thinking about you…” he admitted softly.

Eric felt a pit in his stomach, too, as he realized what was happening. Oh my God. He felt it, too! 

Eric didn’t say a thing as he gently pulled his hands from his pockets and held onto Stan’s, lifting them to his chest as he stared into his eyes. Stan felt his breath and pulse quicken even more as they hovered there, neither of them sure if it was okay. Eric gently pressed his forehead against Stan’s, closing his eyes as he whispered.

“I think about you all the time, too.”

Stan pulled one of his hands away and placed it against Eric’s cheek, nuzzling his forehead into his affectionately. Their lips were hovering just a breath away from one another before Stan slowly moved his hand to the back of Eric’s head and pulled him in gently. They locked lips, kissing slowly and hesitantly. Eric placed his hands on the back of Stan’s neck as he cautiously slid his tongue into his mouth. He felt an enormous rush of relief and desire as Stan opened his mouth and did the same. They continued to kiss slow, soft, and carefully for a couple of minutes before they finally stopped. Stan placed his hands onto Eric’s chest, raising his eyes to meet his. They both felt like their hearts could explode as they looked each other over; they were both experiencing an odd combination of fear, vulnerability and optimism. It was the most unlikely thing in the world that the two of them should feel this way, but there it was.

“Be with me,” Stan insisted, “I want you to be with me.”

Eric smiled at him affectionately, brushing some of Stan’s black hair aside.

“I’m yours.”

Stan let out a relieved sigh and smiled, “Wow…this is…I can’t believe this.”

Eric laughed and pressed his forehead to his again, “I know. I can’t either.”

Eric placed his hands on Stan’s waist as he pulled his face away again, “Listen…I’ve been kind of involved with someone else. I’ll end it now, alright?”

Stan nodded, “I remember you said that. Is it serious?”

He shook his head, “No. It’s just a sex thing. I don’t want him.”

Stan let out another relieved sigh, “Okay.”

Eric put his hand under his chin and gently lifted his face, their eyes meeting again.

“I mean it. It’s over. I only want you. I’ve wanted you for a really, really long time.”

Stan bit his lip and smiled before pulling him in for another kiss. They kissed with much more confidence before separating again.

“I trust you,” Stan insisted.

Eric felt his stomach drop at that statement. He did? Damn. That was kind of a big deal.

“We should probably go back in…they’ll be coming out after us if we don’t,” Eric said as he nodded his head toward the bar.

Stan laughed, “Yeah…alright.”

The rest of the night was a pretty good time. Eric and Stan did their best to try and act like there wasn’t anything going on with them, but now that they’d at least released some of the tension between them it was almost impossible not to pick up on. All of their friends noticed as they both got drunker and extended affectionate touches, glances, and flatteries to each other throughout the night. Kenny and Bebe thought it was great and, even though Kyle had his reservations about it, he had to admit they did both seem genuinely fond of one another. They all decided to ignore it and let them be, and they had a really nice time out together for it. At the night’s end they all called on a ride to get them to their respective homes. Eric and Stan were both entirely drunk as they returned home, which amused Sharon and Randy. It was so good to see their son having fun again. 

They said their goodbyes and Eric and Stan checked in on each of the kids before they made their way back downstairs. They both went straight to the fridge and ate entirely too many snacks before they brushed their teeth and made their way into Eric’s bed. It occurred to them both that there had been no discussion about how fast or slow things should be between them as they awkwardly got under the blankets. Stan cleared his throat, deciding to lay out some boundaries.

“Hey…uh…I’m not, like, ready to do anything sexual yet…and I definitely don’t want to be this drunk when we do,” he admitted.

Eric smiled warmly at him, “That’s okay. That’s not what I want from you.”

Stan blinked at him, a very sincere look on his face as he spoke, “So, this is real?”

Eric slid his arm under his neck and nudged his body close to him, “This is definitely real.”

Stan cuddled into him, “I’m so fucking glad you moved in with me, Eric. This has been…this has been surprisingly great.”

Eric rubbed Stan’s arm gently as he closed his eyes and nuzzled his head into his soft, black hair, “I’m really glad, too.”

Neither of them spoke any more as they fell into a deep, comfortable sleep in each other’s arms.


	10. Find Your Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric ends it with Craig as Craig struggles to keep Tweek in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are still a few more chapters to go after this one. Thank you for reading, I hope everyone is enjoying the story. :) I'm not sure why the indenting comes out kind of weird when I copy and paste this from my word document...sorry about that!

Craig woke up to a text message from Eric explaining that he was done with it. Apparently something happened with Stan, which Craig had known was coming. Still, it felt like shit to be dumped through a text like that. He’d slept with Tweek to try and console himself, but that just made him feel worse because he couldn’t keep it up again. Resigned, he’d decided to go and take a long hot shower so he could wallow in his frustration. What the hell was he going to do now? There was no more distraction. All that was left was his marriage to this needy person he really just didn’t want anymore. Fuck. Why couldn’t Eric have just loved him? Not only that, but why had Craig allowed himself to care so much about Eric? As he sat under the water, he shut his eyes hard in frustration. Goddamn it. He’d gone and fallen in love with him and now everything just fucking hurt. He had half a mind to drive over to Stan’s house and confront him. Of course, he wouldn’t. No, he would probably just push forward with his marriage to Tweek, a marriage he no longer desired, and try to leave it all behind him as though it had never happened. It was the easiest thing to do. Maybe he would meet someone else down the line, or maybe he would just knock it off and finally commit. He wasn’t sure.

In the meantime, Tweek decided to take the time Craig was in the shower to rummage through his things. He knew something was going on. It just had to be. He snatched Craig’s phone from the nightstand and entered his password, further anxiety ridden as he realized he’d changed it. His hands were trembling as the evidence continued to pile up; he set the phone back where it was and decided to go check out the pockets of Craig’s jacket. Maybe he’d kept a receipt from a date or something? There was nothing there, either. He stood there with his hands on his hips, his eyes blinking at a different pace as he looked around. There had to be something somewhere in this house. He needed some evidence.

The thought crossed his mind that it might’ve been Stan again. After all, Stan was single now, wasn’t he? What if they’d gotten involved again? He felt a little sick as he chewed on that thought. It was possible. It was definitely possible. He felt like his skeleton could just crawl out of his skin as he started to pace, growing ever more anxious by the time Craig was out of the shower. As Craig made his way into the living room and spotted Tweek pacing, a frustrated expression settled on his face.

“Why are you acting like that? Settle down, Tweek,” he grumbled, folding his arms across his chest.

“You’re cheating on me again, aren’t you?” he asked as he stopped dead in his tracks.

He was trembling and his face looked more frightened than anything, which is just about what Craig would’ve expected. He wouldn’t be aggressive. He wouldn’t shout or throw things. He wouldn’t try to hit him. He would just say what he had to say and then quiver and eventually drop it.

“Jesus, Tweek. When are you going to let it go? That thing with Stan happened so long ago. Are you going to hold it over my head forever? Huh?” Craig asked, flipping the blame onto Tweek and away from himself. It was a tactic that often worked when he didn’t want to actually tackle their problems.

Tweek’s eyes continued to blink at a different pace, shutting hard when they did. He was incredibly agitated, but Craig’s words made him feel a little guilty. Maybe he was just being paranoid? 

“I-I’m sorry. It’s just that things have been kind of like th-they were back then. I came home a few m-months ago, you know. I was going to s-surprise you with lunch and you weren’t here and then when I asked you about it y-you said you just had your phone on silent…”

Craig felt a small pit in his stomach. Shit. What could he say to get out of that one?

“I just went out to get some air, that’s all. I go out for walks sometimes when I get a lunch break. I shouldn’t have to account for every moment of my day to you. You’re being so paranoid…maybe you need to adjust your meds are something. Look at you! You’re a twitchy mess.”

Tweek’s eyes darted around as he processed what Craig was saying to him. Maybe he was right. He was feeling extra jittery as of late. He’d thought the shakes had come from the stress and anxiety he was feeling over what was going on with Craig, but maybe it was the other way around? Maybe he did need his meds adjusted. Maybe the paranoia would relax if that happened. 

“I’m sorry, Craig. I have been having a l-lot of anxiety again…” he said softly, a defeated look on his face as he lowered his eyes.

Craig felt the smallest twinge of guilt. He knew he was exploiting Tweek’s anxiety disorder to cover up what he’d done. He swallowed before walking up to Tweek and pulling him in close, placing his hand on the back of his messy blonde hair. He rubbed his head gently as he considered his options. Christ. This whole thing with Eric was probably just a big mistake. He’d been tempted so much by the complexity of who Cartman was and had lost sight of what mattered in his life. Maybe he should just drop it and focus on Tweek; maybe their marriage could be repaired. He’d gotten away with the affair. He’d never been caught, and it was over now. Eric had meant it when he’d said he could never love him. He should’ve listened. He let out a heavy sigh as he pulled away from Tweek, placing his hand on the back of his neck and looking him straight in the eyes.

“We’ll get through this, alright? I’m sorry things have been weird. I guess I’ve just been kind of depressed. Let’s try and work it out, okay?”

Tweek nodded at him, his eyes a little watery. Craig pulled him in close again and continued to rub the back of his head as Tweek sniffled, crying quietly. Both of them felt sick to their stomachs. In a way, both of them knew the idea of fixing things was a long shot. It was obvious things were broken; the question remained as to whether or not it could be put back together.

…

Eric and Stan were both a little hung over after their night out, but they nursed it with coffee and a decent breakfast. The kids were up and the TV was popped on so that they could all just relax. It was a pajama kind of day and everyone was in pretty high spirits as they moved slowly through it. They’d both agreed to keep the affection to a minimum around the kids until they’d been seeing each other for a while. It would be a really big deal for Imani to learn her father was moving on, and Stan wanted to be sure this was the real deal before he put her through that. Eric understood and he honestly wasn’t worried about it at all. He knew how in love with Stan he was, and he felt like Stan was on his way there with him. He knew in his heart they would be fine. The thought of joining in on this family was soothing; it was everything he’d ever wanted deep down: a really kind, hot boyfriend; a couple of great kids; and nice house to come home to that wasn’t empty and quiet. 

How had he gotten so lucky? The best part was that he knew Stan to his core as a result of their long childhood friendship. He knew he was safe. He knew he was compatible. In reality, the conditions were such that he could rapidly fall into the relationship and let it swallow him, a prospect that didn’t bother him in the least considering. Had it been someone else, he likely would’ve put an end to it before it got too serious. The only thing that somewhat stood in the way was Craig. He’d shot out that text to him in the morning, which he honestly did feel a little rotten to do, but he was also aware that if he did it in person Craig wouldn’t take no for an answer. He had to admit, he was nervous about how Craig would react. He knew he had to prepare himself for a face to face confrontation at some point.

“Hey, come here,” Stan said quietly, interrupting Eric’s thoughts.

He touched his arm lightly and nodded toward the stairs. Eric followed him up as they went into his room; Stan shut the door behind him and threw his arms around Eric’s neck and started to kiss him. Butterflies took off in his stomach again as he melted into Stan like butter. It felt so good to finally taste his lips. They made out hungrily for quite some time, getting each other all worked up, but stopping short of going any further. It was definitely a tease for Eric, but he understood and accepted it. He wanted him very badly, though, he had to admit. 

Suddenly, Eric’s phone went off in his pocket, causing him to break the kiss. He grinned at Stan and put his hand to his head, realizing he needed to settle down. Stan bit his lip and smiled at him knowingly. He wasn’t dumb; he knew they were both worked up. In a way, it was kind of fun and he knew that if they danced around it for a while the sex would be mind blowing when it happened. He wanted to tease him and delay it; he would put out sooner than Eric probably thought, anyway.

Eric shook his head as he spotted a text message from Craig. He opened it and read it, his stomach forming a different, less enjoyable kind of pit.

_Will you at least meet me somewhere public and tell me to my face?_

Eric let out a sigh as he mulled it over.

“What is it?” Stan asked, picking up on the change in mood.

Eric looked up at him, “It’s the person I was screwing around with. I ended it through a text and he wants me to say it to his face.”

Stan folded his arms, his face betraying his discomfort.

“Well…I mean…it is pretty shitty to break up with someone like that. Maybe you should?”

Eric shook his head, “You don’t understand…I tried to end this thing months ago and he just wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

Stan raised one of his eyebrows at him, “Cartman, you’re like the pushiest most aggressive person I’ve ever met. You mean to tell me you _can’t_ get this thing ended?”

“No, no. That’s not what I mean. I _can_ and I did this morning. I just think doing it in person, in this instance, isn’t the best idea. I’m not afraid, if that’s what you’re implying. It’s just the way it has to be with this guy.”

Stan was quiet as he tried to figure it out. Was there more to it than he was saying? Maybe it had been more serious than he’d presented it to him.

“How long were you involved with this guy, anyway?” he asked, realizing he knew next to nothing about the whole thing.

Eric’s shoulders dropped and his tone of voice softened, “it’s been almost a year and half.”

“Jesus…you told me it wasn’t serious. How could it go on that long and not be?”

Eric swallowed, realizing Stan was feeling a little misled.

“It really wasn’t Stan, I promise. It was just sex…for me anyway. I think it was more than that for him, but I told him when I wanted to call it off a few months ago that I just didn’t feel that way about him. It wasn’t like I wasn’t up front with him.”

“Well…okay, fine, but if you knew that and kept screwing around with him anyway what does that say about you? And now you want to dump this poor guy through a text? I thought you were different now…? This sounds like something you would’ve done when you were younger.”

Eric’s face flushed, “It’s a little more complicated than that, Stan. Trust me, you shouldn’t feel bad for him. He’s a manipulative, controlling asshole.”

Stan raised his eyebrows at him, letting the weight of what he said sit between them.

“Christ, Stan. I know what you’re thinking. I know you think that I just described myself to you, but I didn’t. I’m not like that anymore, I swear it. Can I be selfish? Yeah. But who isn’t? Seriously, it’s not what you think.”

Stan shrugged, feeling a little put off. It was true; Eric had been living with him long enough and they’d gotten close enough over the last few months that he could plainly see he wasn’t the person he’d once been. Still, this whole thing sounded pretty shitty. He couldn’t decide if he should give him the benefit of the doubt. He also had to acknowledge, however, that he was feeling jealous and also a little nervous about whether or not Eric was going to hurt him at some point.

“Who is this person, Eric?” he asked, a sincere look on his face.

“I’ll tell you if you really feel like you need to know, but it wouldn’t be fair to him. No one knows about it and I know he’d like to keep it that way.”

Eric knew Stan would assume he was closeted, not that Eric was involved with a dirty, rotten, no-good cheating husband. He felt a little bad about misleading him, but he also really, _really_ did not want to share who he’d been sleeping with. He was ashamed and also worried Stan would look at him differently. He already seemed put off by the situation as it was; knowing it was Craig would only make it worse.

Stan relented, “Okay. I understand. If you want my two cents, though, I think you should meet up with him somewhere and explain yourself.”

Eric tapped his phone in his hand nervously as he considered it. Maybe he was right. It was shitty to send out a text and then try to never deal with it again. Even though he’d been up front with Craig, he definitely did know Craig had feelings for him. He knew he was hurting. He let out a sigh.

“Okay, okay. You’re right. I’ll meet up with him and just be done with it.”

He quickly sent a text out letting him know he’d meet him around noon for some coffee. He gave him the location of a spot he liked that wasn’t the shop the Tweak’s owned, after which he silenced his phone and shoved it back into his pocket. Stan smiled at him, warming back up to him.

“Alright, well…Imani is glued to the TV, soooo…”

Eric smiled at him as he pulled him back in for another kiss. They made out, pushing their bodies together and teasing the hell out of one another. It was fun, sexy, and just overall enjoyable. They were experiencing a rare kind of bliss, for which they were both eternally grateful.

...

Craig got Eric’s text while Tweek was in the shower. He sipped on his coffee listlessly. Fuck. His life was so off the rails at this point. He was so mixed up. His heart was aching as he felt the loss of Eric. He knew there was no use trying to keep him; he loved Stan and obviously something had happened there. Craig knew he was nothing in comparison. His heart was also hurting for Tweek. He felt guilty for the way he intentionally gaslit him to save his own ass. He felt guilty about the affect his affair was having on him. He felt guilty that he wasn’t passionately in love with him the way he had once been. 

Still, the thought of actually walking away was stressful. What would that look like? Would he regret it if he ended things? There were some choices in life that just couldn’t be taken back. Craig knew that if he found out or even just simply said he wanted out, it would all be over. Tweek was sweet, but he also knew he was only going to extend so much forgiveness. Honestly, he really deserved better. Craig knew deep down that staying was a purely selfish act at this point. He was a creature motivated entirely by his own desires and need for self preservation by this point, a thought that made him feel like he hated himself all the more. He ran his hand through his hair as he tried to think of an excuse to go out by himself. Maybe he wouldn’t even offer one. Maybe he would just go.

Time seemed to move entirely too slow as he waited. He cracked open a book and sat on the couch, reading and sipping at his coffee. His heart wasn’t in it, but at least if he looked busy Tweek would leave him alone. Tweek usually tried to do something to occupy his hands when he had some down time, and Craig wasn’t surprised when he went to the kitchen and started baking to ease his anxiety; that was a common practice of his. Eventually, the time rolled around for him to meet Stan and he stood up, slipping his jacket on and gathering his keys.

“I’m going to go and grab some lattes. Do you want one?”

Tweek shook his head no. Coffee was the last thing he needed right now. Craig shrugged.

“Alright then. I’ll be back.”

Tweek watched as he disappeared from their home. He felt a little sick. He just had an inkling he was off to see whoever it was he had been seeing. If he even was seeing anyone. Was he? God. He was so confused. Still, the idea of Stan had wedged itself into his brain.

“Nnnnnngggg…that does it,” he said through gritted, nervous teeth.

He quickly made his way into the living room and threw his own coat on, gathering up his keys. He peeked out the front window to make sure Craig was gone before he went outside and got into his car, driving toward Stan’s house. He had to know. He just had to. Although, he did have to admit, he felt like he was losing his mind to be taking such drastic measures. Thankfully, Stan didn’t live far away and he was soon parked out in front of his house. He sat in the car shivering for a few moments before pushing through his nerves and walking up to the door to ring the bell. He stepped back and waited for someone to answer. Tweek felt sick to his stomach as Stan answered the door in a sweater and sweatpants.

“Tweek…? What are you doing here?” he asked, a confused look on his face.

Tweek looked around and tapped his balled up fists together anxiously, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah, sure,” Stan said as he stepped aside.

Tweek made his way into the house cautiously. He could hear the sounds of children’s television in the room beyond the hallway. He turned to look at Stan as he shut the door behind him.

“What’s up, Tweek?” Stan asked, folding his arms across his chest.

“A-are you sleeping with Craig?” he asked bluntly, his expression pained.

Stan raised his eyebrows, “What? No, dude. No way in hell.”

Tweek eyed him for minute. He seemed sincere, which made him feel defeated. Maybe he was insane. Maybe it was someone else. Who could tell?

“Okay…I’m sorry,” he said quietly as he turned to leave.

“Hey, hold on…why are you asking me that? What’s going on?” Stan prodded, leaning forward and touching Tweek’s arm to stop him from leaving.

Tweek hesitated. Stan wasn’t exactly the person he wanted to vent to, that was for sure. Stan picked up on the tension and continued, “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. I get it. It just seems like something must be really wrong for you to come and ask me that, that’s all.”

Tweek looked down at the ground, wringing his trembling hands as he spoke quietly, “He’s been acting really weird. He ch-changed the password on his phone. He disappears for hours on end. He isn’t able to h-have sex with me anymore. He lies to my f-face...something’s going on, I know it. He told me I was crazy this morning and that I need to adjust my meds, but these things are happening. I-I’m not imaging it.”

Stan narrowed his eyes. Fucking Craig.

“He told you to change your meds? Tweek…don’t do that. I mean…I can tell you’re stressed out, but that stuff your saying definitely sounds off. I’m not saying he’s cheating on you again, but obviously something’s wrong. You’re not crazy. I would be upset about that stuff, too.”

Tweek looked like he was about to cry as his wide eyes fixated on Stan, “You mean that? A-are you sure? I’m not crazy?”

Stan shook his head, “No, Tweek. That’s all really sketchy stuff. It’s okay to be upset about it. He’s just fucking with your head when he says stuff like that to you.”

Tweek’s trembling noticeably slowed as his shoulders relaxed. Half of the weight he’d been carrying around was wondering if he was just losing his mind.

“What should I do?” he asked, a genuine look of inquiry on his face.

“I don’t really know, dude. If it were me, I would try and figure out if there was something else going on first. Maybe he’s depressed? Or maybe he’s doing something else…people hide all kinds of things besides cheating. He could be doing drugs or something, you know? Maybe just ask him if he’s okay?”

Tweek looked down at the ground, “He would n-never tell me. He’s not like other people. He doesn’t like to be open about his problems…not even with me. He just stuffs it all down.”

Stan looked at him sympathetically. He really had no idea what Tweek should do.

“Hey…listen, I understand I’m probably not, like, the first person you want to talk about this stuff with, but if you need anything I’m around. Do you have my number?”

Tweek shook his head.

“Hand me your phone, I’ll put my number in there for you.”

Tweek pulled out his phone and unlocked it, handing it over to Stan. As Stan input his number he talked some more.

“Seriously, text me or call me or whatever. I don’t really know what you should do, but I know what it’s like to go through tough shit alone and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do that, alright? And if this shit with Craig turns out to be cheating, you should dump his ass. You’ve already given him a chance before. I’m really sorry for my part in that, but he’s a fucking asshole if he’d do that to you again, alright? Don’t settle for that. You can do better.”

Stan handed the phone back over, which Tweek accepted sheepishly. He looked Stan over, a resigned look on his face.

“Thank you, Stan. That’s really nice of you.”

Stan reached out and patted his shoulder real quick before Tweek turned to leave. There really wasn’t anything else to say.

…

Craig sat at a small, round table near the back of the coffee shop. It was pretty busy inside, so no one would likely be paying attention to them when they spoke, though it did mean the volume needed to be kept down. He felt sick to his stomach as he watched Eric walk through the front door. He looked around for a moment and then spotted Craig, approaching the table with his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. He sat down across from Craig, his hazel eyes staring at him expectantly.

“I’m here, Tucker.”

Craig looked him over for a second, a sadness washing over him. He couldn’t help it. Over the course of the last year and half he’d grown so attached; he felt stupid that he’d let it happen, especially after Eric had pretty much told him to put the breaks on it. There had been a part of him that hoped he could win him over if he just kept at it. He’d obviously been wrong. He swallowed before speaking as quietly and measured as he could.

“I guess I just wanted to know what happened…why are you ending this? Are you and Stan a thing now?”

Eric nodded, “Yes. We’re together now, and I’m not going to fuck around on him. I care about him way too much for that.”

A pained look crossed Craig’s face, which made Eric feel kind of guilty.

“Craig…I told you not to get attached to me. I told you this wouldn’t go anywhere.”

Craig nodded, frustrated with himself as he blinked and a tear fell down his cheek. Fuck. He did _not_ want to cry over this. He sniffled and wiped his face.

“I know. I couldn’t help it. I…” he hesitated, looking down at his hands.

Eric waited quietly, trying to let him say whatever he needed to say so they could be done with it and part ways for good.

He looked back up at Eric as he spoke with more sincerity than Eric had ever heard in their entire time together, “Listen…I’m sorry. I know I manipulated you into keeping this going when you wanted to stop. I shouldn’t have done it. I just…I fell in love with you and I didn’t want you to go. I love you, Eric…and I know you don’t feel the same and it fucking hurts. I guess…I guess I just wanted to know what happened and I wanted to tell you that. I wanted to tell you I love you and I’m really, really fucking sorry about all of this. Maybe if the circumstances had been different we could’ve been something. I do have a heart, you know, even if it seems like I don’t.”

Eric stared at him, relaxing his posture as he spoke quietly, “Shit, Craig. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

Another tear fell down Craig’s face, which he quickly wiped away again, “I know. It’s okay, Eric. You can’t make yourself love me. I get it. I’ll leave you alone. I want you to be happy, and it’s pretty clear that happiness for you means Stan. Which, like, I obviously get that, too. He’s a good person…I really liked the time he and I spent together. You two are a good fit.”

Eric reached out his hand across the table, which Craig reluctantly grabbed onto.

“I’m sorry, too, Craig. We probably shouldn’t have ever done this. I knew there was a chance this could happen when we got involved. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Craig squeezed his hand, sniffling as a few more tears fell down his face. He didn’t bother to wipe them this time. He released Stan’s hand and tried to smile at him through the pain.

“Thanks for doing this in person. I know you didn’t want to.”

Eric nodded, “Yeah. Well, I’m glad I came. I’m sorry Craig. I hope you can find happiness.”

Craig let out a laugh, wiping the tears away again, “Yeah. I’m working on that.”

Eric offered him one last sympathetic look before standing up, “I’ll see you around Craig. Take care of yourself.”

Craig looked at him with watery, saddened eyes, “Yeah. You, too, Eric.”


	11. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig struggles to deal with the break up and state of his life. Eric and Stan continue to move forward in their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a few more chapters to go :) Thanks for reading!

It had been about two weeks since Eric left him and Craig was really struggling with it. He managed to swallow the pain when Tweek was around. He was even making an effort to try and connect with him and remember the things he loved about him. They were talking more and Tweek’s anxiety had dropped considerably, his stutter becoming almost nonexistent again. They were also having sex again without all of the issues Craig had been having before. Absent the outlet of Eric, Craig found himself able to connect on that level again. As it turned out, the guilt he was carrying around had been manifesting in a lot of unexpected ways. Much to his relief, Tweek’s suspicions had started to fade, too. It seemed as though he’d accepted all of the strangeness between them had been the result of a bout of melancholy on Craig’s end. He was thankful such an excuse was found plausible.

When Craig was alone, however, he wallowed. He cried often, much to his own dismay. One morning, not too long after it had happened, Craig had spent a considerable amount of time leaning against the bathroom sink with the shower running, staring hesitantly at a lone razor blade he’d pulled from his box of replacements. He’d considered it, slitting his wrists and releasing a hot stream of blood, draining the life out of his useless body. The only thing that really stopped him was the thought of Tweek finding him like that. He would never recover from it; his anxiety would probably drive him mad. No, so long as he was committed to moving through life with Tweek he would do his best to hang on, even if he didn’t really love him like that anymore. He had once, and that meant something, right?

…

It was a Saturday and Eric had to work, so Stan found himself hanging out with the kids and relaxing as best he could. They’d decided to transform their entire living room into a giant fort made of pillows and blankets, which thrilled Imani and even amused Sean. Once it was built he put on a movie, popped some popcorn, and brought it into the massive fort to watch it with his children. Imani and Stan both munched mindlessly on the popcorn as they watched the movie together, Stan’s mind wandering as he did. He’d seen all of Imani’s movies multiple times, but he knew she loved to share the experience with him so he would sit with her once in a while. Nonetheless, he couldn’t help but zone out, and as he did thoughts of Eric floated through his mind.

Things had been going really well between them. They still hadn’t slept together, but Stan had pretty much made up his mind he wanted to go through with it tonight. Things had been nothing but good between them. They spent all of their free time as a family, and then at the end of the night when the kids went to bed they talked often about a lot of really intimate things before retiring to the bed for some really intense make out sessions that took both of their breath away. He hadn’t felt longing like this since the days way back when he’d fallen in love with Nichole. They had been frantic about their deeply intense need for each other, and it felt similar with Eric. It was an odd thing, really. He was still grieving Nichole, and he did still love her deeply. He’d cried just the other day in the shower as his mind had wandered to her. Yet, he was falling so hard for Eric simultaneously. When he was with Eric, he was able to push thoughts of his past life away and be completely in the moment. His love for Eric was intense, almost intoxicating. Even though he hadn’t yet been brave enough to say it, he was definitely, feverishly in love with him.

“Daddy?” Imani’s sweet voice interrupted Stan’s thoughts.

“Hmmm?” he asked, looking down at her with a smile.

“Is Mr. Eric going to be my other dad?”

Stan’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected that.

“Uh…why do you ask that, princess?”

“Because,” she was speaking very confidently, “One of my friends at school has two mommies, and Mr. Eric takes care of us. Doesn’t that make him one of my dads?”

“Well, no…there’s a little more to it than that. But, he could be, maybe. Would you want that?”

She took a big mouthful of popcorn and ate it up before pulling her legs into her chest and looking up at Stan, her large brown eyes very earnest.

“I miss Mommy.”

Stan looked at her sympathetically, reaching over and rubbing her back.

“I know. Me, too.”

“I like Mr. Eric. I wouldn’t mind if he was my second dad. He’s really nice to me.”

Stan smiled softly toward her, “I’m glad you like having him around, Imani. He really cares about you.”

“I know,” she said, her tone suggesting that was very obvious.

Stan let out a small laugh. He was definitely raising one confident little girl.

“You know, though, that for him to be a parent to you also means that he and I would be in a relationship like me and Mommy were. Would that make you sad if I were to be that way with someone else?”

She shook her head, “No. It makes me sad that she’s in heaven, but it doesn’t make me sad if you and Mr. Eric love each other. That’s a happy thing.”

Stan felt entirely relieved and also a little surprised at the maturity his daughter seemed to have about her. She was pretty tough to have gone through everything they had and be this content. The therapy probably helped, but over the months she’d steadily grown more and more like the child he’d known before it had all happened. She wasn’t quite the same, and that loss of innocence saddened him, but she did seem like she was going to be okay. He had a feeling Eric was partially to thank for that.

“I’m glad that would make you happy, Imani. Eric and I _are_ dating. I think he will be a part of our lives now.”

Imani took in another bite of popcorn that was far too large, talking with her mouth a little full.

“Cool.”

Stan smiled at her again as her eyes returned to her movie, entirely caught up in how different things seemed now versus that awful day when he’d lost Nichole. Life was marching on. He and his children were okay. It was a goddamn miracle, as far as he could tell.

…

Eric stretched his arms above his head and let out a yawn. His shift was nearly over; it had been a chaotic day, but nothing overly bad. He was grateful for days like that. They went by fast and everyone left the ER okay. What more could he ask for? He strode over to the desk area and sat down, checking his watch. Just a couple more minutes before he could clock out. He smiled as Bebe approached him, holding onto a bunch of paperwork as usual.

“Eric! I know you’re off soon…I wanted to see if you and the guys wanted to go out again next Friday? Life’s been crazy lately. I need to blow of some steam.”

Eric shrugged, “I’m fine with it. I’ll ask Stan if he wants to go.”

She clapped her hands together happily, “Okay. Invite Kyle and Kenny…maybe their wives can come this time, too. It’d be nice to have a little feminine energy.”

Bebe walked around the counter and came to have a seat beside Eric, lowering her voice.

“Soooo…how are things going with Stan?”

Eric smiled and looked upward, pretending to be exasperated with her. He had told her about the kiss the day after it happened, but there wasn’t much else to report.

“It’s going fine,” he said, not sure what else there was to share.

She rolled her eyes, but she was being playful about it, “Well…sooo??? Is it still just a bunch of making out or what??”

Eric’s cheeks reddened a little. They were being really quiet but he still felt kind of awkward talking about it at work. No one else was near them, though.

“Yes, a _lot_ of making out.”

“Nothing else yet?”

He shook his head, “No. Not yet. He’s driving me nuts.”

Bebe laughed, “Oh my God. I bet. It’ll happen.”

Eric nodded as he glanced at his watch. It was time to clock out so he leaned forward and logged onto the computer to log his hours.

“I know. I don’t mind waiting.”

Bebe smiled at him, “That’s sweet, Eric.”

“Oh, Christ. No it isn’t. I’m not sweet,” he answered, a knowing expression on his face.

Bebe shook her head, “Say whatever you want. You love him.”

Eric nodded, “I definitely do.”

She smiled and patted his arm real quick before she stood up, “I told you so.”

Eric looked at her and flipped her the finger real quick, but he was smiling as he did so. She playfully returned the sentiment before picking up her pile of papers again and starting to walk away.

“See ya.”

Eric lifted his hand and briefly waved before standing up and heading to the locker rooms to change out. Once he was changed he stopped to glance at himself in the mirror; he wanted to look alright when he got home. For once, he was actually kind of content with the person he saw looking back at him. He was chubby, but it suited him. He had a nice looking face, and he dressed well enough, too. He sucked in some air as he walked away and got into his car, eagerly driving home to Stan. It was pretty late, so he knew the kids would be asleep, which was fine. He was pretty worn out on his work days. He figured he would just go home, eat, hang out with Stan and go to bed. It all sounded great.

It wasn’t long before he was home and inside their warm, inviting home. As he made his way into the living room Stan got himself up off of the couch and greeted him with a warm hug and a long kiss. 

“Hi,” Eric said quietly as he pulled wrapped his arms around his waist and held him close.

“Hi,” he responded, smiling affectionately toward him.

Eric shook his head before leaning in for more kisses, which Stan happily obliged. After a moment they separated.

“So…interesting development today…” Stan said as he wrapped his arms around Eric’s neck.

“Oh?”

“Imani asked me if you were her second dad.”

“Oh, wow, shit. What did you say to her?”

“Well…I asked her how that would make her feel and I explained to her that that would mean you and me were in a relationship. She told me it would make her happy and that she didn’t mind…so I kind of just told her she could expect you to be around…I hope that’s alright?”

Eric let out a laugh, “Yeah…of course that’s alright. That’s great.”

Stan smiled and rubbed one of his hands against the back of Eric’s head.

“So…I guess it’s probably okay to stop acting like we aren’t a thing in front of the kids. I mean, if you want to, I think we could just be official now.”

Eric nodded his head enthusiastically, “Yes…I really want that.”

Stan bit his lip and stared at him fondly. Eric held him close, looking into his eyes. The air between them seemed to shift and grow quiet. Eric felt his heartbeat start to quicken as he realized something had changed. He leaned in and kissed Stan slowly, unsure if he’d read the situation right or not. Stan trailed his hands down the back of his neck, shoulders and arms, lacing his fingers with Eric’s. He started to back up, his legs knocking into the back of the couch. He sat down, gently pulling on Eric’s hands and lowering him to the couch. Once he had him seated he gently laid him down on his back and got on top of him. Eric lifted one of his hands back behind Stan’s neck and kissed him gently, the world falling entirely silent around them both as though nothing else existed. Stan trailed one of his hands down Eric’s chest and broke their kiss, sitting up and undoing Eric’s pants. Eric briefly looked at the ceiling before shutting his eyes, feeling like his heart might beat right out of his chest as Stan went down on him. It was intense. All of the waiting had made it that way, and it wasn’t long before he felt like he couldn’t hold off anymore.

“Oh, God…” he said breathily as he finished up.

As Stan sat back up, Eric quickly did the same and locked him into another needy kiss before dropping down to his knees and returning the favor. Much as it had been for himself, it didn’t take especially long to get him off. Stan shivered a bit once he was finished, and ran one of his hands through his hair, looking down with a smile as he breathed heavily.

“I told you it would be good if we waited a while,” Stan joked.

Eric let out a laugh as they both redressed themselves. He sat down beside him and Stan promptly leaned against his softer, larger frame. Eric couldn’t take it anymore. He had to say it.

“I love you, Stan.”

Stan smiled, a sudden sleepiness washing over him. His eyes were only half-way open as he quietly and sincerely responded.

“I love you, too.”


	12. Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night of drinking leads to some painful truths coming out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind reviews :) I'm glad this story has been enjoyable.

Craig found himself in the bathroom again with the shower running. He stared listlessly at the familiar scene before him; a lone razor blade atop the cracked white ceramic sink, steam fogging up the mirror and dampening his clammy skin. What would it feel like if he did it? Would it hurt for long? Where would he go? Did he have a soul that might move on to another place in time? Or would he cease to exist entirely? Oblivion sounded most attractive. What good was he doing anyone here? He was a total fuck up. He couldn’t love Tweek anymore, but he was also so goddamn selfish and afraid to be alone that he just continued to string him along. He loved Eric to the point that it made him feel sick, but Eric wanted nothing to do with him. What did Stan have that he didn’t?

He leaned forward and placed a hand over his mouth as he contemplated it. Stan was a good person. That was he had that Craig didn’t. He felt utterly worthless as he thought about all of the horrible shit he’d done over the years. The pain he’d caused Tweek with the first affair; the constant, intentional gaslighting. Tweek was so easy to manipulate, he almost couldn’t stop himself from doing it. What kind of awful piece of shit compulsively lied to and controlled their spouse? The kind that didn’t deserve to walk this green earth any longer, that’s who. Frustrated, self-loathing tears streamed down Craig’s face as he removed his hand from his mouth and picked up the blade, gently touching the skin below his wrist. He pushed, indenting his soft olive skin as he tried to gather the courage to do it. He grit his teeth together in frustration, his entire body trembling.

_Do it, Tucker. Just fucking do it. Don’t be a goddamn pussy._

He couldn’t, though. He was too weary of the unknown. He shoved the replacement blade back into its box and stripped himself naked, stepping into the hot shower. As the water ran down his hair and over his face, he had to clap his hands over his mouth again, erupting in stifled sobs.

Craig Tucker wanted nothing more than to die. It was the only way to make everything right again; he was just too goddamn afraid.

…

“Alright, the ride’s here,” Stan said as he pulled his mom and dad in for quick hugs.

They’d come to babysit the kids so they could go out with their friends again as Bebe had suggested several days prior. Eric was a little surprised as Sharon and Randy both pulled in him in for a quick goodbye hug, too. He knew Stan had told them about their relationship, as was the same with Kyle and Kenny, but he hadn’t expected them to be that kind to him. They’d been happy to see Stan doing well, though, and were welcoming Eric right into the family pretty seamlessly. It got him thinking about bringing Stan over sometime soon to have dinner with his mom. It had been a pretty long time since he’d gone to see her; he wondered if she was doing alright.

“We’ll see you guys later! Have fun!” Sharon said as she waved them off.

Stan grabbed Eric’s hand and dragged him out of the house and into their rideshare. They plopped into the back seat and told the driver the name of the bar. He made small talk with both of them most of the way there, which left them especially grateful when they finally arrived; it wasn’t super terrible, but it was uncomfortable trying to keep a pointless conversation going with a stranger for propriety’s sake. Eric tipped the driver and they both said goodbye before hurrying off into the bar. They were happy to see a few of their friends had already arrived as they laid eyes on Bebe, her husband Tom, Kyle and Red sitting around a large rectangular table.

“Heeeey!!!” Bebe greeted, already sounding a little tipsy.

“Hey, hey…” Eric said as he had a seat beside her, nodding at her and Tom.

Stan waved at them and sat beside Eric, smiling at Kyle and Red, who were seated across from them. Eric got drawn into a conversation with Bebe about some work stuff and Stan started to chat with Red and Kyle about the ins and outs of what had been going on with their kids. Eventually Kenny and his wife, Sara, arrived and the drinks started to flow as fast as the conversation. They spent quite some time talking and laughing and enjoying their buzzes before Stan excused himself to the restroom. As he left, Kyle’s eyes landed on Eric. He leaned forward as he spoke.

“You know, Cartman…I have to admit. I really thought you were up to some shit when you moved in. It looks like I was wrong. I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time.”

Eric took a swig of his drink, entirely surprised by Kyle’s admission of guilt. It had been quite some time since he’d heard words like that coming out of his mouth. He nodded at him and offered him a half-smile.

“Thanks, Kyle.”

Kyle eyed him for another second before nodding. That was as much as either of them intended to say. Bebe, of course, had caught the conversation and found herself feeling gossipy.

“Sooooo…things are going good then??” she asked, nudging Eric’s arm with her own.

He looked up at the ceiling for a moment, knowing she was feeling gossipy. She nudged him again playfully.

“Yes, Bebe…it’s going good,” he said reluctantly; he could feel his cheeks growing hot.

She smiled at him, “did it happen yet?”

“Bebe…come on…”

“Oh! We’re all adults…!” she pleaded.

“ _Some_ of us are,” Eric retorted, taking a sizeable gulp of his drink.

Bebe flipped him off playfully, “It happened. I can tell.”

Eric put his hand to his head and shut his eyes. Christ. Why did people always have to be so nosy?

“What happened?” Kyle asked, utterly confused. His wife elbowed him, which caught his attention. Her eyes were wide, pleading with him to drop it. She knew what was going on.

“ _It_ happened,” Kenny chimed in, also knowing damn well what Bebe was alluding to.

Eric rolled his eyes, “I’m not saying shit. You guys are nosy motherfuckers. Christ.”

Bebe nodded at Kenny and Kyle, “Yep. They’re doing it. It happened.”

Kyle’s face flushed as he finally realized what they were talking about, a little embarrassed he hadn’t caught on sooner.

“Oh, Jesus…Bebe…” Kyle said as he shook his head and took a drink of his beer.

Eric nodded at Kyle, his eyes wide indicating his agreement as Stan made his way back to the table.

“What’d I miss?” he asked, a big grin on his face. He was pleasantly buzzed; his lips were numb and he felt floaty and joyful.

“Nothing,” Eric insisted, shooting the rest of them a warning look. 

Bebe pretended to zip her lips, but she was barely holding in giggles. Stan shrugged and took a sip of his beer, a suddenly frustrated look crossing his face as he looked ahead. Eric followed his gaze, his stomach dropping a little as he laid eyes on Craig and Tweek. 

“Christ…it’s that asshole…” Stan grumbled as he rolled his eyes.

Bebe looked over and inadvertently gripped onto Eric’s arm under the table. She knew whatever happened next was going to be uncomfortable. She looked at Eric nervously, a sentiment he returned. He looked back up, his eyes meeting Craig’s from across the room. He looked like he felt as sick as Eric did. Tweek noticed the group and grabbed onto Craig’s hand as he led him over. Craig shook his head and looked like he was telling him he didn’t want to go over, but his protests were ignored.

“Hi, guys!” Tweek said happily as he approached the table.

“Hey…what a coincidence running into you guys here!” Kyle greeted them.

“Sit down with us! Have some drinks!” Kenny insisted.

Neither of them knew about Stan and Craig, let alone he and Eric. Craig started to shake his head no as Tweek eagerly agreed to sit. He went over to another table and pulled up a couple of chairs to put at the end of the rectangular table, sitting down on the side closer to Kyle. Craig’s expression betrayed his nervousness as he reluctantly sat down in the chair closest to Stan. He averted his gaze to the floor as Stan shot him a frustrated glance. Not only was he aggravated about Craig being there, but he was even more frustrated by it given what he knew about the suspicions Tweek was having about him. Though he’d assured Tweek there could be other motives for his behavior, he wouldn’t be surprised in the least if he’d been having another affair; he decided he would only be talking to Tweek if they were going to have to socialize. He wanted nothing to do with Craig. 

As Tweek easily fell into conversation with their friends, Craig and Eric both found themselves silent. They locked eyes a couple of times, which made Eric feel terrible. Craig didn’t look well and it made his stomach sick to see. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked thinner than he’d been just a few weeks ago. 

Craig felt like he wanted to crawl under a rock as he sat there. The disapproving looks from Stan sucked. Having to see Eric was like a fucking knife to the heart. Listening to Tweek chatter on like everything was okay was enormously frustrating. He hadn’t even wanted to come out tonight, but Tweek had practically begged him to leave the house with him. He knew he wanted to have a date and connect, so in a way it was a relief that there were other people around to fill that void, but having Eric and Stan there was brutal. He decided he would just drink himself into oblivion to get through it. 

“I’m gonna go order us drinks, Tweek. What do you want?” Craig asked quietly as he tapped on Tweek’s shoulder.

“Will you get me a gin and tonic?”

Craig nodded at him before standing and heading off to the bar. He ordered Tweek’s drink and got himself a double shot of whiskey before heading back to the table and quietly sipping on it as everyone else talked. No one seemed to notice his lack of participation as he sipped on his drink, allowing it to tingle and burn as it slid down his throat, settling into his belly and warming him up. Once he started to feel buzzed he found himself able to look around the table and take everyone in. Kenny and Kyle looked pretty happy sitting there with their wives. He was envious of the intimacy and ease he saw between them and their wives. They were both affectionate with them and there was just a lot of laughing and joy; he wasn’t sure there was ever a time things were like that between him and Tweek. How could that have been?

After a few minutes he shifted his attention over to the rest of them. Bebe kept glancing at him like she felt uncomfortable, which led him to assume Eric had told her about them. Bebe seemed like she was his best friend; it made sense. He tried to offer her a smile, which she hesitantly returned before averting her eyes and trying to focus on anyone else. He felt pretty sick as he glanced at Stan and Eric. Stan had his arm around Eric as he leaned forward and talked with his friends. Eric looked everywhere except toward Craig, which somehow hurt even worse than if he had looked at him. He felt forgotten. He felt discarded. He finished his whiskey and quietly got up to get another, sliding back into his seat and sipping at it some more, looking at his phone for a second before listlessly setting it on the table.

He’d hoped the drinking would lighten his mood, but as he sat there quietly sipping on it he felt worse and worse. He wanted to disappear. As he continued to try and get himself into a state of absolute oblivion, Tweek realized he’d already downed quite a bit of alcohol. He reached over and touched Craig’s arm, grabbing his attention.

“What issit?” Craig asked, his words already a little slurred.

Tweek lowered his voice, not wanting to draw any attention to them. The rest of the table was chattering away.

“Are y-you okay?” he asked, a hint of his stutter breaking through. He always started to stutter when he felt like something was wrong with him. It made Craig feel like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin. Tweek was so goddamn codependent. He couldn’t take it.

“I’m gonna go smoke,” he said before tipping back his head and downing the rest of his drink.

Tweek watched with saddened eyes as Craig stood up and made his way out the side entrance to smoke and get away from the rest of them. Everyone at the table had taken notice of their exchange, which embarrassed Tweek a little. He could feel his cheeks getting hot as he lowered his eyes, his stomach dropping as he realized Craig’s phone was sitting on the table, face up, unlocked. He gasped as he grabbed it and quickly tapped at the screen, making sure it didn’t lock. He hesitated as he considered digging through it; now was his chance. He lifted his gaze and met Stan’s eyes.

“Are you going to look through it?” Stan asked knowingly.

Eric felt like he was going to vomit as he realized what was happening.

“You shouldn’t do that, Tweek…” he started to say.

“Bullshit he shouldn’t do it. He came by the house a wreck not too long ago asking me if _I_ was fucking Craig.”

“What? You never told me that…?” Eric asked, a little stunned.

“Look at it, Tweek,” Stan urged, “Then you’ll know for sure.”

Tweek looked around at the rest of them. Everyone was staring at him. His hands started to tremble and his stomach tied itself in knots as he swallowed and opened up the text messages. The most recent ones looked to be work conversations, but as he scrolled down he spotted Eric Cartman’s number. Why would he be texting Eric? He opened it up and started to read. It was all there…the break up, Craig insisting on meeting up and doing it face to face, and many, many brief texts about meet up times. Both Eric and Tweek felt like they were going to vomit as Tweek looked up and locked eyes with Eric. His heart felt like it was pounding out of his chest. He couldn’t find any words as he struggled to process it all. Eric swallowed hard, uncertain if Tweek had found anything or not.

“Well…what is it?” Stan asked.

Tweek started to hyperventilate, “I’m g-gonna be sick…” he whined as he put his hand to head.

Just then Craig walked back into the bar. As he made his way over to the table he realized something was horribly wrong. Everyone was staring at him and Tweek was shaking uncontrollably. He walked up to Tweek and bent down, placing his hand on his shoulder, intending to ask him if he was alright. Before he could say a thing Tweek yanked his shoulder away and looked up at him, his eyes full of tears.

“You were cheating on me,” he said softly.

Craig sat down in his chair, feeling like the floor was falling from beneath his feet.

“Tweek…” he started.

“You were cheating on me, and you told me I was crazy. You told me I was paranoid and that I needed to change my meds. You said that to me and you knew…”

“Tweek…I’m sorry…” he stammered as he tried to reach out and grab his hands. Tweek yanked them away again.

“N-no. You don’t get to do that this time,” he insisted, “You don’t get to tell me you’re s-sorry and promise it’ll be okay again. You’re a liar, Craig. You’re a liar and cheater and…the things you said…I really thought I was losing my mind. I really thought it was my anxiety. I thought it was _my_ fault you couldn’t have s-sex with me or hang out with me…I thought it was _me_ ,” tears were flowing down his face as he tried to sort it out.

Craig stared at him, entirely at a loss for words. He felt panic rising in his chest. Oh, fuck. His entire life had just blown up in his face. It was all falling apart.

“I thought it was m-me, but it was you,” he said, his voice trembling. 

Eric felt his stomach drop as Tweek looked up at him, “And it was you, too.”

“What?” Stan asked, trying to understand what exactly that meant.

Tweek wiped at his face, tears falling from his eyes with each and every blink.

“It was Eric. He’s been having an affair with Eric.”

Eric looked down into his lap, utterly ashamed. The affair had been one thing. It was what it was, but looking Tweek in the face and seeing how badly it hurt…that was something else entirely. 

“Is this true?” Stan asked.

Eric swallowed and forced himself to raise his eyes and meet Stan’s.

“Yes, it is.”

Stan shook his head in disbelief, “So…the person you said you were fucking around with for a year and a half was _Craig_? And when you said you didn’t want to tell me it was because you two were having a goddamn affair, not to protect someone’s sexuality…am I right?”

Eric nodded, his stomach aching.

“Fuck, Eric. You kind of lied to me...” Stan said in further disbelief, trying to wrap his head around the whole thing.

“You guys were doing this for a year and half?” Tweek asked, staring angrily at Craig.

Tears started to fall down Craig’s cheeks as he sniffled and looked up at Tweek.

“Yes.”

He figured he may as well tell the truth for once. It was no use trying to save it. It was over.

Tweek was shivering uncontrollably as he reached out and smacked Craig across the face hard. Craig didn’t do anything in return; he simply lowered his eyes in shame and let the tears fall as Tweek stood up and, for the first time, started to yell at him.

“You asshole! This is over. I want a divorce! I don’t ever want to see you again. I’m going to my parents…get your shit out of the house. I want you gone when I get home tomorrow!” he sobbed before turning around and storming out of the bar.

Craig buried his face into his hands and leaned forward, crying hard as reality smacked him down like a goddamn freight train. He sobbed for quite some time as everyone stared, unsure what they should do. Finally, Bebe couldn’t take it anymore and she went up and pulled him in for a hug. He was an asshole for sure, but she hated to see someone cry like that. He sobbed into her shoulder uncontrollably for quite some time. Once he started to settle, Stan turned his attention back to Eric.

“I…I’m gonna need a night to process this. I’m sorry,” he said as he stood up, “I’m gonna call my mom to come and get me. You can come home…but…I’m going to be in my room tonight. I just…I don’t know. I don’t know what to think right now,” Stan explained quietly.

Eric nodded at him. He felt horrible, but he understood. It was a lot to take in. Stan eyed him for a second before hesitantly touching Eric’s shoulder and then heading out of the bar to call his mom for a ride. Craig’s watery eyes met Eric’s.

“I’m so sorry…” Craig said, his voice wavering, “I didn’t mean to fuck things up for you, too.”

Eric shrugged, “It’ll be okay. I didn’t cheat on Stan. I was just trying to keep your business private. I think we’ll get past it.”

Craig nodded, his stomach aching. He put his hand to his head, realizing he didn’t have a ride home. He needed someone to take him home. He wanted to get the fuck out of this place. Bebe picked up on the situation.

“Listen…I think this night’s a bust. Do you need a ride home?”

Craig nodded, a thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed look on his face as he acknowledged his need for help.

“Okay…” she looked at her husband, who abruptly pulled his keys from his pocket.

They said their goodbyes and headed out of the bar as the remaining friends all sat awkwardly together around the table. Kyle spoke first.

“So…that kept on happening then?” Kyle asked, remembering the conversation they’d had out on the patio the morning after Nichole died.

Eric nodded, “Yes.”

Kyle sighed, “Look…Stan will get over it. This thing you did with Craig is shitty, but you ended it before you got with Stan, right?”

“Yes, I did.”

Kyle gave him a sympathetic look, “He’ll get over it, then.”

Eric offered him a half-smile, genuinely appreciative of what he was saying. He felt like it carried some weight, because kind words weren’t something Kyle offered to him very often. Still, he felt a little nauseated. This was their first altercation, and it was kind of a big one honestly. He hadn’t expressly lied to him, but he’d known what the implication was when he’d said it. It was an intentional misleading, at the very least.

“Well…I think Bebe’s right. This night seems like bust,” Kyle sighed, “do you need a ride to Stan’s Eric?”

Eric put up his hand and shook his head no, “No. I’m going to stay a while.”

Kyle and Kenny both looked at him with those familiar looks of pity on their faces. There it was again. He hated it when people looked at him like that. He swallowed hard and stuffed down his anxiety and frustration, exchanging cordial goodbyes with his friends and their wives as they all filed out of the bar, leaving him in the company of his sorrows for a least one drink more.


	13. Just Another Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric and Stan address the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short, transitional chapter. The end is coming very soon. Thanks for reading!

Eric had stayed out entirely too late drinking by himself after the whole thing had gone down. Instead of going home, he’d decided it was best to call his mom and ask her to come pick him up. Thankfully, she had come right away and brought him to her house; she’d practically been ecstatic about his request. Now he found himself slowly waking in his old room, blinking through the blinding headache pounding just above his eyes. Fuck. Everything was a mess. His brain immediately went to thoughts of Stan. How mad was he? Would he want to end things between them? And what about Craig? Was Craig okay? He looked awful before the whole thing blew up…what must he be feeling now? Where did he go? Eric felt his stomach lurch as he struggled to sort through his flurry of concerns.

“Christ…” he mumbled to himself as he sat up, his headache seeming to slam forward as he did.

He put his hand to his head and squeezed his eyes shut for a minute before reaching over to the nightstand to check his phone. Thankfully, it still had some charge. He saw that he had some text messages, which he eagerly opened. He was relieved to see a couple from Stan asking where he was and asking him to check in. Eric quickly shot off a text explaining that he’d stayed, drank too much, and gotten a ride to his mom’s. Little dots immediately appeared, so Eric watched and waited for Stan’s response.

_Okay. I’m glad you’re alright. Are you going to come home tonight?_

Eric shut his eyes again, willing his headache to calm down. It wasn’t much use. He was going to have to go downstairs to hydrate and have some aspirin. He forced himself to open his eyes and send off another text.

_Do you want me to come home tonight?_

He felt butterflies taking off in his stomach as he waited for a response. Hopefully he did. What if he didn’t? Fuck. He really hoped everything wasn’t all screwed up now.

_Yes…I do. Please come home. It was weird sleeping in the house alone last night. I missed you._

Eric let out a deep, relieved sigh. Okay. This looked like it was going to be okay. He quickly responded.

_Okay. I’m really hung over…I’m going to take some aspirin and hang out with my mom a little and then I’ll come home. Sorry about last night. I love you._

Eric waited, watching the little dots on his phone.

_Okay. I love you, too. We can talk when you get home. See you soon._

Eric closed the folder for his texts with Stan and felt another pang in stomach as he realized he had something from Craig. He hesitated for a moment. Maybe he should just delete it? It couldn’t be anything good. Fuck. He felt so guilty about what a wreck he looked like, though. He knew he’d broken his heart after all of the things he’d said at the coffee shop that day. He let out a troubled sigh as he opened the texts. There was a series of them over the course of an hour or so in the middle of the night. Some of them were misspelled, probably a result of too much liquor.

_I’m sorry Eric._

_I love you…It’s tearing me up…I want you so bsd._

_I know you dont want me tho. I’ll leave you alne. I’ll leave everone alone. Dont worry. I wont be hurting anyonne agin. Never again._

Eric couldn’t quite place it, but the final text made him nervous. What did he mean by that? He contemplated checking in to see if he was okay, but then decided against it. It would hurt Stan if he engaged in it. It was best to just let Craig work himself out. He had a lot to deal with, but he had friends and family, right? He had people in his life beyond Eric. He made the conscious decision to ignore the unsettled feeling in his stomach and stood from the bed, making his way downstairs. His mother was already in the kitchen sipping on some coffee and working on one of her paintings. She smiled at him affectionately as he grabbed a cup of coffee and some aspirin, having a seat across from her as he downed his pill.

“Good morning, Eric. Oh, I’m just so glad you called me last night. I’ve missed you! How have you been? How is your friend Stan?”

Eric sipped at his coffee. His head hurt so bad, but he knew he should spend some time with his mom. He really hadn’t seen her much since he’d moved in with Stan.

“I’m good mom. I’ve missed you, too. Thanks for coming to get me.”

She blinked at him, eager for more details about his life.

“I’m glad you’re doing well, sweetie. I guess you must be pretty happy over at Stan’s house? Are you still living there?”

Eric ran his fingers along the edge of his coffee cup, “Yeah…yeah, I’m happy there. He and I are, uh, we’re dating now. It’s pretty serious, I think. He says he loves me.”

He looked up at her nervously. He’d never disclosed anything about his sexuality to her before, and he was unsure how she would react. She blinked, her eyes a little wide, before she spoke in that sweet voice of hers.

“Oh…wow…really? Well…that’s wonderful, poopsies. I’m so happy for you.”

She reached out and squeezed his hand, which made him smile and let out a small sigh of relief.

“Maybe I could bring him over for dinner sometime or something…?” he offered.

“Oh, honey…yes! Please bring him. I would love that so much!”

He smiled a little more genuinely toward her.

“I’m sorry I haven’t come around more, Mom. I’ll do better now, I promise.”

She squeezed her lips together briefly before leaning back and taking a sip of her coffee.

“I would really, really like that Eric. Thank you.”

…

It was about 7 pm and Stan had just finished getting the kids to bed. Eric had checked in with him and let him know he wanted to spend the day with his mom and would be coming home sometime around now. He felt really antsy after the way things had gone down at the bar. He was upset about the thing with Craig, but also regretted going home without Eric. He’d intentionally mislead him, that was for sure, but otherwise there wasn’t much to it. When he woke up, sober and regretful, he understood that Eric had only done it to protect Craig’s privacy. Maybe there was some part of him that was worried about the judgment, too. It made sense. In all honesty, when Stan really thought about it, he felt like he might’ve handled it exactly the same.

He paced around his living room as he waited for Eric to return, practically running to the front door when he heard him entering. He didn’t say a word as he threw his arms around him, burying his face into his shoulder. Eric held him tight for quite some time before the two separated.

“I’m sorry I left like that last night,” Stan quickly explained, his voice sounding very nervous, “It wasn’t as big a deal as I made it out to be. I’m really, really sorry.”

Eric smiled warmly toward him, brushing some of Stan’s hair away from his eyes.

“I’m sorry, too. I should’ve just told you. I just…I didn’t know what you would think of me if I told you and I didn’t want to blow up Craig’s marriage if I could help it. I fucked up…I fucked up a lot, with the whole situation. I shouldn’t have even been having that affair in the first place, let alone lying to you about it.”

Stan smiled at him as he gently pulled down on the collar of Eric’s shirt, kissing him fondly.

“Come to the bed with me,” Stan said before biting his lip and looking Eric over.

Eric continued to grin at him as he allowed Stan to take his hand and lead him to the bedroom. They kept it dark as they fell into the bed together to enjoy a bout of make-up sex before falling asleep in each other’s arms. Things felt safe once more, and they both slept heavy and dreamless until morning arrived and Eric had to wake up and go to work. Little did either of them know that, as they ran through the regular motions of what felt like an ordinary day, it would be one that would remain burned into their hearts and minds for the rest of their lives.


	14. Loved You Like A House of Cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shocking event cements the nature of Eric and Stan's relationship and family. Tweek faces the future and decides what that means for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter to this story. I was torn with two different options of how to end this - I felt this one was the best option. I hope you've enjoyed the story & if you have some time please let me know what you think :) Thank you for reading. I am always super thrilled to have anyone enjoy my dramatic ideas.

It had been awful since he’d left the bar the other night. Bebe had dropped him off and he’d packed a bag and gotten out of the house like Tweek had told him to. He’d then driven over to his parents’ house and briefly explained what was going on. The disappointment on their faces was obvious and added more weight to the misery hanging atop his shoulders. He’d had a fitful night of sleep, followed by a day of mostly wallowing and another long night of next to no sleep. That was it. It was time. He rose early in the morning, sat at his computer desk and wrote a long stream of thoughts down onto a blank sheet of printer paper. He left it face up on his desk so that it would be easily found before rummaging through his duffel bag and pulling the box of replacement razors from its depths. He pulled out a lone blade and walked slowly up the hall; he could hear his father milling about his parents’ room as he passed.

He quietly entered the hallway bathroom and shut the door gently behind him. On prior occasions, he’d set the blade atop the sink to stare at it for a while, but today he had no such intentions. He sat down on the floor beside the tub and toilet, holding the blade against his wrist. He was shaking in terror as he willed himself to do it quick. 

_Come on Craig. You can do this. Set yourself free. Release everyone from the pain of who you are._

He bit down on his lip hard as he swiftly shoved the blade deep into his olive skin and drug it from the base of his wrist to about half way up his arm. He let out a surprised gasp as blood immediately poured from his skin, which had opened like a zipper on a coat. He quickly switched hands and cut into his other arm in the same manner, this time keeping himself quiet. He dropped the razor blade and leaned back into the tub, trembling and nauseated. His breathing was erratic as he avoided looking at the severe damage he’d just done to his body. He hoped it didn’t take long. 

As he sat there, he felt a sort of familiar peace settling over him. It vaguely reminded him of being a child. Simple. Carefree. Nothing really mattered anymore. The horrible things he’d done carried no meaning if he wasn’t around to suffer through the consequences of his actions. He could just move on and leave it all behind, or cease to exist and be none the wiser. A gentle smile settled across his face as he closed his eyes and started to pass out.

“Hey, Craig…I need to come in and grab my…” he heard his father’s voice, but it was fuzzy and seemed so far away.

He tried to open his eyes but he felt too tired. He wanted to stop him from coming into the bathroom, but he was too weakened to move. He heard his father screaming. He heard his mother soon after. Within a second, the world went black.

…

Eric had been at work about an hour and it was really quiet. He liked this time of morning when the world was mostly still asleep and emergencies kept themselves at bay. The sounds of machines were all that hummed as the staff quietly roamed and did checks on their patients. Eric had tended to a few patients and was now working on some paperwork while he had some time, sipping at a paper cup of coffee. Bebe was beside him doing the same. Suddenly, there was a commotion as the receptionist from the waiting room busted through the doors.

“We have an emergency! A suicide!” she hollered out as an older man with reddish hair carried in a thin, limp body.

Eric and Bebe immediately got up and headed over, Eric feeling sick as he realized the old man was Craig’s father. It couldn’t be.

It felt like slow motion as doctors descended on them, grabbing the young man and putting him on a gurney. Thomas was covered in blood. Christ. There was so much blood. As Eric’s hazel eyes landed on Craig’s pale face and bloodied body he caught sight of his arms. He clapped his hands over his mouth to stifle an involuntary scream as Bebe grabbed him by the shoulders and moved him away. 

“Stay back, Eric…sit down…” she instructed as she moved him back toward the desk. He felt dizzy and nauseous as he fell down to his knees and settled back onto his bottom, leaning against the large wall of their desk area.

“I’ll be back. Sit down. Stay here. You’re not going to work anymore,” she instructed firmly as she abruptly turned and followed the doctors into a patient room.

Someone must’ve directed Thomas back out into the waiting room. Eric sat in stunned silence, hyperventilating and trembling. How could this be happening? He’d known he was unhappy, even back when they were sleeping together he was, but _this_? This he hadn’t expected.

“Oh, fuck…” he whimpered as he put his hands to his head, tears streaming down his face as he openly sobbed. 

He should’ve answered those texts. He shouldn’t have been so cold toward him. How many times had he said he didn’t care about him? How many times had he said he didn’t even like him? He cried harder as he thought about how cruel he’d been. None of it was even true! That was the worst part. He’d cared about him. Sure, he’d never fallen in love with him, but it was impossible to have sex with someone for that long without at least caring. Terror gripped his chest as he felt entirely consumed by the notion that this whole thing was his fault. What if he died? His blood would be on Eric’s hands, he was sure of it. He wanted to vomit. He wanted to scream. Instead, he sat there and cried hard into his hands for longer than he ever had in his entire life. He’d really fucked it all up this time.

After a very considerable amount of time had passed and Eric had calmed down, Bebe walked over to him and sat down on the floor beside him.

“Is he alive?” Eric asked, reaching out and touching her arms.

She clasped onto his forearms with her hands.

“He’s alive. He lost a lot of blood, but the doctors have him getting a transfusion. It’s going to be a few hours before that’s done.”

Eric let out a relieved sigh as more tears quietly streamed down his face. Bebe rubbed his arms with her thumbs as he asked her more questions.

“Is he awake? Can I go see him?”

“He is…he’s a little out of it. He was really confused, and he’s tired and weak. I’ve got to go and monitor him, come on.”

Eric stood, his legs shaking uncontrollably as he followed Bebe back to Craig’s room. They slid through the privacy curtain and shut it behind them. As Eric slowly approached Craig he continued to quietly cry, having a seat in the stool beside him. He instinctively reached for Craig’s hand as he took in the sight of him. He was really pale and clammy, his raven hair was damp atop his forehead. He had dark circles under his eyes and massive bandages around his arms. Thank Christ he hadn’t gone deep enough that they couldn’t stitch him up.

“Craig…why did you do this?” Eric asked softly, wiping the tears from his face with his free hand.

Craig stared at him through his tired blue eyes. His voice sounded weak as he responded.

“I just thought everyone would be better off without me.”

Bebe pretended to be checking on the machines, but she was listening and that statement broke her heart for him. Eric laced his fingers with Craig’s and gently squeezed on his hand as he continued.

“No…no, that’s not true. You can’t think that, alright? Oh my god…you…I thought you were gonna die…” Eric let out another sob as he put his hand to his eyes and cried for another minute, wiping furiously as he tried to calm himself down, “All of those shitty things I said to you weren’t true, Craig. I didn’t mean them. I care about you. I care about you a lot and I want you to be alive and okay. I’m so sorry I couldn’t love you the way you love me, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t _care_. I do like you, you _are_ my friend. I can’t imagine going through life knowing you weren’t around. You can’t do something like this again, Craig. You can’t. You have so many people who love you and care about you. So what if this thing with Tweek blew up? Maybe he’ll come around? Or maybe he won’t and you’ll meet someone else! Don’t you see? Life goes on. Look at Stan…if Stan can be okay, so can you, Craig. Don’t give up. It gets better. It gets so much better.”

Craig’s breathing grew a little more shallow as he blinked and let tears fall down his cheeks. He squeezed Eric’s hand gently, which hurt, but he didn’t care.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry I scared you. I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said, his voice small and wavering.

Eric reached out with his free hand and wiped the tears away from Craig’s face, “Don’t be sorry. Just promise you won’t do anything like this again. Promise you’ll get some help. You can’t keep ignoring your depression. You have to deal with it…and you don’t have to do it alone, alright? You’ve got your parents, I know you’ve got your friends, and you’ve got me, alright? I’m here, too.”

Craig nodded, offering Eric a weak smile, “I promise. I won’t.”

Eric locked eyes with him, trying to decide if he meant it or not. He leaned forward and kissed the top of his head, shutting his eyes hard, before settling back into his chair and silently holding Craig’s hand. He would stay there until they decided to let his parents in to see him. He didn’t want him to be alone. Bebe spoke quietly as she came up beside Craig and sat on the edge of his bad, clasping onto his other hand.

“I’m around, too. I know we don’t know each other super well, but Eric is my best friend and I know he cares about you, so that means you’re officially my friend, too,” she said sweetly.

Eric was happy to see she got a smile out of him.

“Thank you, Bebe.”

She squeezed his hand affectionately before turning her attention to Eric.

“I got your shift covered for you. You don’t have to work anymore today.”

Eric nodded, “Thanks.”

“Sure thing,” she said before giving Craig one more affectionate squeeze and leaving them alone.

A heavy silence settled between them as Eric continued to clasp onto his hand, rubbing his thumb back and forth along his soft skin.

“I think I…I really screwed things up,” Craig said quietly.

“How do you mean?” Eric asked.

“I mean, just all of it. I don’t know what I was thinking getting involved with you the way I did. I do love you in that way you feel for someone when it’s new and intense. But…when Tweek said he wanted to divorce me that…hearing him say that made me realize the way I thought I loved him felt numb and dull, but it wasn’t. I love him, Eric. He’s my best friend in the entire world. He knows me better than _anyone_. He chose me time and time again, even when I was at my worst. How could I have done this to him? How do I feel so much for both of you? It’s so confusing.”

Eric looked him over sympathetically, “I don’t know, Craig. I’ve never felt that way about two people at once. I know people get caught up in that sort of thing all the time, though. You’re not the only person in the world who’s made decisions they regret in their marriages and relationships.”

Craig nodded. That was true. He wasn’t alone in his mistakes. Eric sighed before continuing.

“Listen…you made some bad choices. So did I. But, it doesn’t make you a bad person. I think you’ve been carrying around a lot of sadness and depression for a very long time. You need to get some professional help. It’s the only way you’re ever going to feel okay, and I promise you that someday you will, whether or not you can save this thing with Tweek. You hear me? You are going to be okay.”

Craig squeezed Eric’s hand as best he could as he cried softly.

“Thank you, Eric. Thank you for saying that. I’ve really felt like…I’ve felt like I just fuck everything up and hurt everyone around me. I’ve felt like I’ve burned everyone so bad that they don’t give a fuck about my anymore…” he was sniffling and holding back sobs as he explained himself, “I just thought it would be better to be gone. Every day has hurt so goddamn bad for so long. I don’t even really remember what being happy feels like anymore.”

Eric reached out and brushed some hair from Craig’s dampened forehead, rubbing his thumb along his temple affectionately as he cried. He settled pretty quickly, though. He didn’t have to energy to continue.

“I’m really tired,” he said gently.

“Get some rest. I’ll stay. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Okay,” he said as he offered Eric a weak smile.

Eric eyed him for a moment before nodding and releasing his hand, closing the privacy curtain behind him as he left. Bebe abruptly made her way up to him and snatched him up for a tight hug. He was a little surprised, but gently returned the embrace before she released him.

“Are you okay?”

He shrugged, “I think so. I don’t know? I’m still a little shocked I think.”

She nodded, “I called Stan, I hope you don’t mind. He’s taking the kids to his mom’s and coming over here. I let the staff now he’s allowed to be back here with you for now.”

Eric let out a relieved sigh, “Thank you, Bebe. That’s really great. I’m gonna go sit in the break room for a while, if that’s okay.”

Bebe nodded at him, “Of course. I’ll get you if anything changes.”

“Okay, thank you,” he said as he made his way back into the break area.

…

Stan rushed into the ER and made his way up to reception.

“Hi, I’m Stan Marsh…I’m supposed to be allowed in for Eric Cartman,” he explained as he looked at the woman sitting before him.

“Oh, yes…go on in,” she said, nodding her head toward the doors.

Stan tapped his hand on the counter before he took off in a hurry, his eyes landing on Bebe right away.

“Hey, Stan. Eric is in the break room…” she explained.

“Okay, thanks. Where’s Craig? Is he still doing alright?”

“He’s okay. He fell asleep…his parents are in there with him.”

Stan nodded, “Okay. I’ll check in on him when they’re gone I guess.”

Bebe watched his face, trying to get a read on him, as he bit his lip and looked around nervously.

“You know…I’ve been really mean to him. I know you know what happened between us back in high school. I just was so mad at him when Tweek told me he thought he was cheating again. It’s just…this feels really strange. Another person that I’ve been with has…well…it’s happened again,” he sounded resigned.

Bebe nodded before pulling Stan in for a gentle hug. He embraced her and rocked her back and forth for a minute before they separated.

“I can’t imagine what you’re feeling like right now,” she admitted.

Stan’s eyes were wandering around the room again, “It’s weird to be back in here.”

She reached out and squeezed his shoulder, “come on…I’ll take you to Eric,” she said as she put her hand against his back and gently nudged him alongside her.

He felt a little numb as he walked around the ER, flashes of that night hitting him here and there. It made him feel a little sick, but as he entered the break room and laid eyes on Eric a sense of relief washed over him. This wasn’t Nichole. This wasn’t even really his loss. He had to be there for Eric now, the way Eric had been there for him.

Neither of them said a word as Eric stood up and quietly wrapped his arms around Stan, burying his face into his shoulder and starting to cry. Fuck. He couldn’t help it. He just kept on crying. Stan rubbed the back of his head affectionately, letting him cry it out for a few minutes before they separated.

“This is a fucking nightmare,” Eric said, wiping the tears from his face again. The skin beneath his eyes was starting to feel a little raw from it.

“I know,” Stan admitted, “I know exactly how this nightmare feels.”

Eric nodded his head. Of course he did. He knew better than anyone. Stan sighed as the two of them sat down.

“At least he’s alive,” Stan insisted, “but…something like this…it’s hard to come back from. I know with Nichole, things have never felt the same since. I’m terrified in a way that I wasn’t before. I’m afraid that the people around me are going to die all of the time. I have these really intense moments where I’m convinced I’m going to lose my children, my friends…you. I get really upset when people around me seem like they’re sad or struggling. I’m afraid they won’t be able to hang on; that things are worse than they’re letting on. It’s just…I don’t know. It breaks you, in a way, when someone you care about does this.”

Eric’s eyes were watery as he processed the weight of what he was saying.

“It seems so unfair, doesn’t it? That we just continue onward while others get left behind. I see it all of the time in this ER. Death. Car accidents, illness, suicide. I’ve seen it all. Children. Mothers. Husbands. Wives. Young and old. We all die…but…it just seems so goddamn wrong when it’s someone young; someone who has a lot of love in their life. I can’t make any sense of it.”

Stan nodded, “I know. I know what you mean.”

Eric sniffled, looking sorrowfully at Stan before reaching out and holding onto one of his hands. His eyes were intense as he spoke.

“I would _never, ever_ do this to you, Stan. I would never do this to our kids…I just…I don’t have that in me. I couldn’t hurt you guys like that. I hope you know…I hope you don’t feel afraid.”

Stan blinked, holding back his own tears, “I know, Eric. I know.”

A moment of silence passed between them before Stan sniffled and looked up at Eric, “you said _our_ kids.”

Eric softly smiled, “I did. I hope that’s alright.”

Stan nodded, “It is. They are. Nichole would’ve been happy for the way you’ve stepped in. She would’ve wanted someone the kids love to be around for them, and they do. They love you.”

“I love them. I love you. I love our lives together. I won’t ever leave if I can help it. Something would have to take me out to get me away from you.”

Stan blinked, holding back his tears. He wasn’t going to cry. His time for crying had passed. He had to be solid now. He had to be the supportive one.

“Me, too.”

Eric nodded quietly as Stan went on.

“I think, sometimes, some people are just born with sensitive souls. Sometimes we get so used to seeing them in pain that we miss the signs. It’s not on us and, really, it’s not on them either. Life is just so hard. It kicks the shit out of all of us at one point or another. Some people just can’t push through.”

Eric looked up at him, “Well…I think we both know that isn’t me.”

Stan let out a small laugh, “Yeah. Me neither.”

Eric reached forward and pulled Stan’s chair close to him so he could lean against him. Stan wrapped his arm around him and rubbed his shoulder affectionately.

“So this is it then?” Eric asked quietly.

“What?”

“Me and you against the world, right? We’re in this to the end?”

Stan kissed his head affectionately before pushing him away so he could look him in the eye.

“We’re in this to the end.”

…

6 months later…

Tweek stood awkwardly outside of the Tucker residence, divorce papers rustling in his nervous hands. He’d called and told him he was coming. He’d told him he wanted him to sign. Still, he just kept standing there, unable to budge. He felt a deep ache in his stomach as he willed himself to move.

_Come on, Tweek. Just go knock on the door. Just talk to him._

“Nnnnggg…” he whined to himself through gritted teeth as he finally forced his feet to move. 

He made his way to the front door, knocking with as much authority as he could muster. It wasn’t long before Craig answered, which honestly took him aback for a moment. He looked good; he looked healthy. He’d gained a little weight, which gave his cheeks some much needed roundness. His hair was a little shorter and nicely styled, and he was dressed in a casual sweater and jeans.

“Hi,” Craig said, as he stepped aside, clearing his throat and allowing Tweek to enter.

“Hi,” Tweek responded awkwardly. His stomach was really hurting and his heart was beating a little fast. This was awful.

“So…uh…I guess, let’s just go to the table. I’ll grab a pen,” Craig said, an uncomfortable tone to his voice as he walked toward the kitchen. 

Tweek looked around to see if his parents were there. He didn’t hear anything or see anyone, so he assumed they were alone in this. He made his way into the kitchen and sat down, watching as Craig fished a pen out of the family’s junk drawer. He found one and sat down across from Tweek, his light blue eyes meeting his. He felt his heart skip a beat.

“Uh…here,” Tweek said as he pushed the papers over to him, a saddened look on his face.

Craig took them and held up the pen, hesitating before putting it down and looking back at Tweek.

“Listen…I know you probably want to get this over with, but…I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about all of this. I really, truly am. I hate what I did to you. I hate what I did to our marriage. There’s no excuse for it, really, but I wanted you to know that I’ve been doing the work and I am doing a lot better. The doctor diagnosed me with bipolar disorder and I’m seeing a therapist and I’m on meds now. I just feel a lot better and my head is clear and I wanted you to know that I mean it when I tell you how much I loved you…how much I _still_ love you. I’m just so sorry I didn’t show it to you when it counted.”

Tweek stared at him with a pained expression on his face, not sure what he could say. He’d always wanted to hear those words. He’d been dreaming about hearing those words, and now that he was hearing them he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Craig eyed him for a second before nodding his head and lifting his pen to sign. Tweek lurched forward and grabbed his hand.

“Wait…!”

Craig’s eyes lifted and met Tweek’s again. Tweek’s breathing was shallow and his eyes were wide with confusion.

“Tweek…look, I didn’t apologize to you to try and stop this. If this is what you want, I’ll sign these papers.”

Tweek stared at him, his hand trembling.

“I know.”

Another moment of silence passed as Craig spoke, soft and uncertain.

“ _Do_ you want me to sign these?”

Tweek blinked, allowing a few tears to fall from his widened eyes.

“No. I don’t know…”

Craig swallowed, gently setting the pen down and staring at his estranged husband.

“What do you want, Tweek?” he asked gently and authentically.

Tweek blinked some more, pushing more tears from his eyes as he shook his head.

“I want…I want what y-you’re saying to me to be true. I want you to love me. I want you to really love me. I want you to be this person you’re telling me you are.”

Craig reached his hands out and grasped Tweek’s, his blue eyes searching him over. He felt the long forgotten pain you get when you love someone so much it physically hurts. Tweek continued to explain himself as Craig paid close attention.

“I don’t w-want this divorce. I don’t want it at all,” he said, gripping Craig’s hands in his own.

“I don’t, either,” Craig whispered, “But I don’t want you to do this because you feel sorry for me. I don’t want to trap you.”

Tweek let out a light sob as he shook his head in disbelief, “Don’t you get it, Craig? You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted. You just never wanted _me_.”

A pained look crossed his face as he reached up and brushed some of Tweek’s messy blonde hair from his eyes.

“I’ve always wanted you. You’re my best friend, Tweek. You’re the only person I’ve ever really loved. I just lost track of what really mattered somewhere along the way.”

Tweek smiled as he let out another sob, leaping forward and wrapping his arms around Craig’s neck as he cried into his shoulder for a minute. When they pulled apart, Tweek was surprised to see tears in Craig’s eyes as well. They kissed each other affectionately, Craig placing his hands on Tweek’s cheeks as they separated, wiping the tears from Tweek’s face with his thumbs.

“I love you, Tweek. I love you and I’ll never put you through anything like this again. I’ll stay on these meds and I’ll keep up with my therapy. I won’t let myself fall into a hole like that again. I know what’s been wrong now. I understand it. I can fight it now.”

Tweek smiled softly, placing his hands on Craig’s cheeks and wiping his tears, too.

“I love you, too. I forgive you. L-let’s just start over, okay? Come back home. I want you to come home.”

“Okay,” Craig whispered, smiling affectionately as they pressed their lips together and kissed again.

For the first time in a very long time, Craig Tucker didn’t feel like he wanted to die anymore. He knew he could live; he knew he could love. He knew his life mattered, and he was so very grateful for the chance to share it with the man he’d fallen in love with so many years ago.

THE END.


End file.
